To not know what to do about sister's hen do re. payment

[samanthajonespr]

My sister is getting married in a few weeks and sprung it on us not long ago. So I'm trying to organise a hen event for her. She's really not into the idea of a hen "party" so has asked for an afternoon tea at a nice hotel, where there's a bar so we can get a drink and chat as well afterwards.

It's £20 pp for afternoon tea and my husband says people will expect to be treated. I've made a private fb event because there's only 10 of us so wibu to ask for people to pay for themselves? The hotel has asked for a deposit and I'm not sure what to do now. This is the first time I've planned anything like this, I didn't have my own hen do.
Advice would be very welcome

I have been to loads of hen dos and have always paid for myself plus extra for bride etc.

I would be really shocked if someone else paid.

It’s also a bargain for a hen do! Most have cost me significantly more! People will be delighted

I’d have explained that the £22 included paying for the bride to be. I’d have also mentioned the tip and cos of extra drinks.

You might want to clarify the position on tips/Service charges now. I wouldn’t mind paying entirely for my sister. (In fact I might well have done. She had afternoon tea and the hens paid for themselves).

Everyone normally pays for themselves but perhaps ask for an extra £2 per head for the brides charge. That is relatively low for a hen party so most people wont mind.

Never not paid for myself in regards to Hen parties. I would never expect to be 'treated' at someones hen. The treat is for the 'hen'.

Of you haven't already, on your fb event, can you add a link to the menu and mention that its £20 each and is that ok with everyone?

Than add an "oh and would it be ok if we split xxxxs cost between us?"

Don't allow a tab to be set up for the drinks afterwards. Make sure everyone knows they'll need cash for those. Otherwise £22 for a hen do - bargain!

I think you should for £25 each to cover their own tea, contribution to bride's tea plus a generous tip for staff.

Also consider asking for cash each for a kitty for further drinks.

I would definitely expect to pay for myself and % of Hen's place at the event.

I have never in a million years heard of paying for the bride!!

You are absolutely nbu.
I tend to want to sort thinks beforehand so I would put a lighthearted note ‘sorry but just to be clear, it is going to be twenty notes each & I thought I would be nice if we split the brides share between us too’

You did right op. 😁

Nope I wouldn't expect it to be paid for. £20 is not much I can't see many people having an isssue with that

Ask the bride if she wants to pay for herself. I paid for myself at my hen party because I wanted to. this! If I was a bride to be I would hate people feeling like they had to pay for me. Especially when they are likely to be spending money for the wedding such as travel, accommodation, a prrsent, drinks etc.

Having seen people burnt in these situations before, I would clearly (but politely) spell out that the deposit is non-refundable, and needs to be paid by a specific date. Don't be too meek OP, otherwise you'll be left paying for anyone who pulls out at the last minute!

Don’t ask the bride, because she’d feel obliged to pay for her own. If she really insists on the day, use the extra 20 pounds for a tip or a drinks or something.

Have fun! Are you going to organize anything else? Games or sashes or something? Or is it too cheesy?