To not know what to do about sister's hen do re. payment

[samanthajonespr]

My sister is getting married in a few weeks and sprung it on us not long ago. So I'm trying to organise a hen event for her. She's really not into the idea of a hen "party" so has asked for an afternoon tea at a nice hotel, where there's a bar so we can get a drink and chat as well afterwards.

It's £20 pp for afternoon tea and my husband says people will expect to be treated. I've made a private fb event because there's only 10 of us so wibu to ask for people to pay for themselves? The hotel has asked for a deposit and I'm not sure what to do now. This is the first time I've planned anything like this, I didn't have my own hen do.
Advice would be very welcome

Just put in the group that it's £20 each for afternoon tea and that if anyone wants to come pls send u deposit by x date

Give them the details of where to do a bank transfer to and a deadline for payment. People may ask for extra time to pay. I would allow a day or two but have a cut off period. Only once has the money gone in so you book ( been caught out too many times and I'm still waiting for someone to pay for a concert we went to in June!)

I went to an afternoon tea hen party a couple of weeks ago - it was £25 each and we put in some extra each for the hen and the tip. Then we went for a few cocktails and various people bought drinks for the hen.

Same as I did for my hen last year. I mean who would pay for it otherwise?

Like someone else said people will just be relieved it's not an all weekend do costing them a grand each 😀

Why would you take advice from your husband or him give it on a hen do, I'm assuming he's never ever even been to one.

People pay their own way at a hen. I'd expect the bride to be paid for, so 22 pounds each.

Doesn’t look like your dh is invited to many hen dos if he thinks the bride pays for attendees.

Just ask for £22 each based on 10 participating. If you end up paying a little extra for your sister, I imagine it’s not the end of the world.

Your DH is barmy, when was the last time he organised a hen party ?

Just make it very clear the price (people will expect to pay for themselves) and that you will all chip in for the hen

As other pp’s said, every hen do I’ve been to I’ve paid for myself and chipped in for the bride.

As long as people know the cost before committing then they should be fine with that arrangement.

Just say something along the lines of "The afternoon tea is £20 per head, and includes unlimited sandwiches, cake and tea / coffee. If we all pay £25 that will cover Bride's plus tip, and if anyone wants to buy themselves additional drinks there is also a bar. Please let me know by next Thursday if you are able to join us - my bank details are XXXXX for transfers"

No-one will expect to be treated to the hen party, everyone will be happy to chip in a little extra to cover the bride

I've always paid for myself at any hen do I've ever attended. The next one I'm attending will be afternoon tea at a lovely country hotel and we are all paying for ourselves plus covering the bride to be's tea. I'm just grateful it will be only £25ish and doesn't involve flying/overnight stays - I'm really looking forward to this hen do.

🤣 he's a rooster, not a hen, he knows not of which he speaks.

...of course women expect go pay for themselves on a hen do. No one in their right mind expects the bridesmaid /MOH to pay!

Decide if you're buying anything else (alcohol/daft t shirts etc) before you tell everyone how much it's going to cost. Then get them to pay by x to confirm their space.

It's a nice plan, I'd look forward to that far more than a 'big night out' or a long weekend in Barcelona.

It's bonkers, this bloke has no idea what he's talking about but insisting on giving his opinion.

Honestly tell him to shut it as he's clueless.

Does he often cast erroneous opinions on stuff he's no idea about? 🤣

Sounds like a lovely hen do , much better than a weekend away of forced activity with people who don’t know each other and paying a fortune for the privilege.

“erroneous opinions”

Why would you listen to your husband on the later of hen dos?

Show him this thread.

Absolutely the hens pay

matter

Your DH is saying that you should pay for all the hens? He's being an idiot. Has he been on many stag do's where everyone was treated to a free night out by the best man? Bet he hasn't!
The only time I have had a hen do weekend paid for was when the husband to be paid for everything which I thought was a lovely gesture but it was very much outside the norm. Everyone usually pays for themselves (and the bride) on a hen night

A £20 hen do?
No one, absolutely no one will object to paying that, considering how bonkersly expensive so many hen dos are.

OP one question , how many hen dos has your husband been to / organised?

Hi everybody I've found a hotel that offers a traditional afternoon tea and also has a bar. If we all contribute £25 each that will cover the Bride's tea and the tip. Please send a deposit of £10 by X date to £$%^&. Thank you .

I'd be perfectly happy to pay £25 for a nice afternoon tea.

£20 afternoon tea is a refreshingly low key hen do, I would pay you with bells on whilst doing cartwheels through the street. Ignore your husband!

It is making me laugh though. My husband likes to give his opinion as much as the next bloke, but even he would stop short of explaining hen do etiquette

Gotta be some sort of prize for that one. 🤣

As others have said, email the other hens explaining the cost (ie £20 plus contribution to bride's tea plus tip0. I would ask them to pay in full by x date, and say you will book for however many people's money you have received. I wouldn't leave it to chance, as otherwise you will end up having to chase people for payment, which can be awkward. In all probability, if anyone misses the deadline, you will be able to add them at a later date as long as they have paid up.
Also make it clear that they will have to pay for drinks afterwards.

Ask them all to do a bank transfer. That's all. Your dh knows nothing.

Absolutely as PP have said.

It's usual for the hotel to add the gratuity (10% or 12.5% of the final bill including additional drinks) directly to the bill for large groups - you may want to include this in your message so that you don't get left with this on the day as that could be really awkward.

I know, he's being a know it all twat but he maybe doesn't want me to look cheeky asking for money I suppose. He's been told politely and with love where to stick his erroneous opinion.
Thank all for your very helpful replies, I think I'm scarred from all the CF threads and didn't want to be the subject of one!!
I've just posted on the event page that it's "£22 each for the afternoon tea and as the hotel has asked for a deposit to secure the booking for 10 people, I would appreciate it asap", I've made myself clear enough (I hope?!)
I really hope I can give my little sister the hen do she deserves