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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A woman's place ...

75 replies

Boyskeepswinging · 01/09/2018 15:07

Reading the excellent "Isn't he good?" thread reminded me of all the things people seemed amazed that I am able to do as a wife/woman. My MIL has just about got over the shock that I have my very own driving licence and car but still cannot get her head around me driving when my DH is in the car as a passenger. Like most 21st century couples, we take it in turn to drive depending on who can be arsed at the time etc but MIL cannot get over me, the "little woman", driving her son. She's stopped herself short of saying "That's a man's job" but I know it's on the tip of her tongue ...
Anyone else get a similar reaction about your miraculous ability to be both a wife/woman and capable of everyday activities?

OP posts:

Happyhippy45 · 01/09/2018 19:33

Most annoying one. I'm a chef by trade. We'd have BBQ's and a good percentage of the males there would get twitchy because I was doing the bbqing. They kept trying to help and kept making sure that I was doing it right and giving me instructions.
Same with camping and pitching a tent with my dh. They kept trying to get me out of the way so they could do it. Dh kept telling them we were fine. It was our tent and we knew EXACTLY what we were doing. Their wives let the men pitch the tent and light the fire etc. Dh was expected to help with their tents. I was expected to cook (as long as it wasn't BBQ) and clean. This was 15 years or so ago and it still boils my piss.

stressedtiredbuthappy · 01/09/2018 19:34

Before the days of sat nav etc I asked for directions and was asked if I'd be ok on the motorway.
They got a very obvious eye roll.

BlueJava · 01/09/2018 19:40

Your MIL's attitude is bizarre. I see she was born in the 1930's but so was my mum and she was a lorry driver in her day! In my personal experience no one bats an eyelid about who does DIY (it can be either of us) or who drives (always me as DH doesn't like it and I do) or who organises finances (together but he does the research) etc. He was a SAHD when the boys were small, most people said do whatever works as a family/couple.

ILoveGroot · 01/09/2018 19:44

The one I get a lot, from women and men is when my DH has time off with DS, "ooh isn't it good of him to look after your DS."

Ummm we both work full time and he is his father after all, not so much looking after him as being a dad!

Original poster

Boyskeepswinging · 01/09/2018 19:50

@Blue Yes, my MILs attitudes are like those of someone born in the 1830s, not the 1930s but it is great to hear that my woes are not universal!

OP posts:

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 01/09/2018 19:53

My friend and I wanted to got to post-natal swimming but she'd been struggling to leave her ds as he was quite a difficult, demanding baby no change now he's 22.
My dh said, no problem, I'll have them both. Worst case scenario they might cry. I'll manage.
So off we went. Swimming group fin-smacked we turned up minus babies, but even more so when we said my dh was at home with both.
We got home an hour or two later to find my ds fast asleep in his pram, and friend's ds (the screamer) flat out on HD's chest snoozing whilst dh was lying on the sofa watching the cricket! Both babies fed, winded and changed and everyone happy.
Few people believe this story. Why?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2018 19:58

Ha ha. This attitude makes me laugh. Dh and I had a few heated debates as to who was going to drive when we hadn’t been together long as we both loved driving. We once rented a car for 24 hours and did 1000km “Tunisia in a day” - bloody fools that we were. No spare tyre, mobile phones and almost ran out of petrol. 🤪

I’m disabled now so he drives me long distances and I drive shorter ones when I’m well enough. I’m still spitting chips that we’ve hired a car for our next holiday with only him as the driver as it costs £60 more to add an additional person.

On the odd occasions he used to put something together he’d ask me to decifer the instructions. Usually something was back to front and therefore wouldn’t fit. These days that’s what a handyman is there for.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2018 20:00

I’ve realised my post didn’t reflect yours. I meant to say my friend can’t get her head round any of the putting together / decorating stuff. She expects my dh to do it and he gets clinically depressed just by holding one. She’s younger than me! He used to be a very a good paintbrush washer though.

CoughLaughFart · 01/09/2018 20:08

My dad is fascinated by the fact that my brother can do laundry and iron. It’s not even as if my brother is married, so God knows who my dad thought was doing it for him.

brizzledrizzle · 01/09/2018 20:19

I'd never thought of guitars as being manly instruments before.

Of course they are, they are an anatomical substitute.

courderoy · 01/09/2018 20:21

@merryoldgoat my MIL refers to my little job too. I’m a partner in a big four accountancy firm.

Sparrowlegs248 · 01/09/2018 20:23

I have horses and used to work with horses. Constant amazement, even in feed shops etc, that I can lift bags of feed, bales of hay. Reverse a trailer. I was very slim but very strong, and quite young. Men were always offering to help me lift something which I was perfectly able to manage myself. I brought 1600 bales of hay in myself with a tractor and trailer. It's pretty standard.

Merryoldgoat · 01/09/2018 20:29

@courderoy - it’s insane! I’m nowhere near your level, but I’m an FM in an organisation and head up the department.

When I was going back from mat leave she (my GM) said ‘how much would you need to be able to stay home? £200 a month? Because I might be able to cover that...’

I was

A) I was frankly desperate to get back to work and

B) I earn pretty much that in a day!

BlackForestCake · 01/09/2018 20:37

Women can't play the guitar because their boobs get in the way. Everybody knows that.

courderoy · 01/09/2018 20:37

LightDrizzle · 01/09/2018 22:06

@brizzledrizzle - OMG! You’ve reminded me of after my dad died at 64. My older brother, was pathologically hopeless, - financially propped up by parents despite leaving home at 17, and sadly he had a very chaotic life. He also considered himself very right-on. We were sat in my mum’s sitting room when he said “I’m the man of the house now!” I stared at him in disbelief, looked at Mum, and said “If anyone’s the head of the household it’s Mum!” Fucking unbelievable!

Missingstreetlife · 02/09/2018 00:53

But the queen drives, and worked as a mechanic in the war. She is similar vintage

bsbabas · 02/09/2018 14:45

My grandmother used to drive a jeep in the war. It seems like MIL just need something to complain about so they feel relevant.

Arrowfanatic · 02/09/2018 15:22

My fil was horrified that my dh changed the nappies of our children and shock horror, even gave the occasional bottle when they weren't being nursed. This was followed by his amazement when I tiled our kitchen. Ironic though as mil is very good, does all day, decorating, gardening and all the jobs on the small holding.

I find as well that I get a lot of surprise reactions when people find out I'm a martial arts instructor, and have to....Oh my word...actually fight against MEN .

sashh · 02/09/2018 15:43

Unless she was actually born in the 1930's and grew up in the 50's, these comments seem weirdly anachronistic.

You would hope but someone I was at college with and later worked with in late 1980s, early 1990s had a boyfriend who insisted on driving HER car because if a man was in a car then he should do the driving.

BackforGood · 02/09/2018 21:02

Sounds like great news to me - means I would get to be the one able to have a drink EVERY time we went out

IndigoSpritz · 02/09/2018 21:17

If this works I'll be amazed. Gilbert O'Sullivan performs 'A Woman's Place'.

Iwin · 02/09/2018 21:36

I used to work in a butchers (10 years ago now) and customers were regularly surprised I would actually cut the meat / request the male butcher to serve them ie can I help you? Please is 'male butcher' here and would just ask him for a couple of steaks
I let it go then but I'm older and grumpier now so I'd give them a piece of my mind!

MeyMary · 02/09/2018 22:07

@Iwin

I worked at a butcher's as well (when I went to uni).
Surprisingly good pay for a student/pt job, mostly nice co-workers, actually did prepare me in some ways for my first "real" job after university (despite being incredibly different fields. But it did teach me to be self-confident and stand up for myself... Anyhow.)

But there were very clear gender divisions in regards to division of labour.

Tbh, I personally didn't actually mind that division of labour (I'm fairly small and was happy I didn't have to lug around half a cow. Or clean the bone saw...) but it was still interesting.

And it would have annoyed me greatly if I had actually been training as a butcher... (Which very few women seemed to do. There were no female butchers in training whilst I worked there.)

MeyMary · 02/09/2018 22:09

There was also a women's cooling chamber and a men's one. (Yup, different products. That was the storage system...)

Actually also in the customer facing areas.

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