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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A woman's place ...

75 replies

Boyskeepswinging · 01/09/2018 15:07

Reading the excellent "Isn't he good?" thread reminded me of all the things people seemed amazed that I am able to do as a wife/woman. My MIL has just about got over the shock that I have my very own driving licence and car but still cannot get her head around me driving when my DH is in the car as a passenger. Like most 21st century couples, we take it in turn to drive depending on who can be arsed at the time etc but MIL cannot get over me, the "little woman", driving her son. She's stopped herself short of saying "That's a man's job" but I know it's on the tip of her tongue ...
Anyone else get a similar reaction about your miraculous ability to be both a wife/woman and capable of everyday activities?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boyskeepswinging · 01/09/2018 18:10

Oh yes, the comments about my "little job" ... both PILs looked completely bemused when I mentioned my 25 direct reports in conversation once.

OP posts:
ThePerfect1IThinkNot · 01/09/2018 18:16

When I landed my first big job, doubling my previous salary, my DM was aghast that I was going to accept it. Not because she didn’t think I was capable, but because I was stopping a man from having such a good role!

topcat2014 · 01/09/2018 18:21

DW used to have a forklift truck licence :)

Angelicinnocent · 01/09/2018 18:24

My wonderful in every other way father had fairly firm ideas about what was appropriate for women to do around the house, i.e. no DIY and no cutting grass, no decorating etc. Funnily enough though he was a huge supporter of women being able to do any career they wanted.

MeyMary · 01/09/2018 18:30

My DH does all kitchen related cleanups. (I cook...)

MIL doesn't like it at all.

The garden is my kingdom. DH gets to occasionally lift heavy bags etc but that's it. I do the mowing, also did the fruit trees in our old garden and will do in this one again...

DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews · 01/09/2018 18:37

I have a pretty common small SUV, perfect for children/dogs without being massive. From what I see on the road, there's an even split between male and female drivers. I work in a male dominated industry and have had comments about my car being like a monster truck, the Death Star and the other week when a colleague followed me into the car park, later congratulated me on 'great parking this morning, you reversed straight in, no messing' (I do this every morning, and he drives a big car and also reverses into his space).

Funny how my male colleagues who do drive massive cars miss out on these comments and something tells me they don't tell each other 'great parking!' everytime someone reverses between two parked cars.

thecatsleftpaw · 01/09/2018 18:41

When we moved into our current house my MIL told my DH that he needed to put up a rotary washing line as it would 'help Cats to dry the clothes'.

Never occurred to her that
a) I don't want a bloody rotary drier, I have a washing line
b) I'm quite capable of fixing it myself if I did want the damn thing
c) DH also is able to wash and hang out clothes

EmUntitled · 01/09/2018 18:41

I do the cooking when we have a bbq. DH

Santaclarita · 01/09/2018 18:43

She would think my partner is beyond weird then. He doesn't drive at all, hasn't learnt. So needs driven everywhere by me. Grin

EmUntitled · 01/09/2018 18:43

Whoops posted too soon!

I do the cooking when we have a bbq. DH can and does cook but isn't confident about knowing when meat is cooked, or about cooking in front of a an audience. So I do it but apparently this is also a "man's job", despite cooking stereotypically being a "woman's job"

ShinyMe · 01/09/2018 18:49

My granny (born 1915, so she was from another era) always used to comment about how impressed she was that "you girls" did such difficult and brave things such as driving and diy and putting up tents. When I used to drive for 4 hours on my own and go camping and out hillwalking and so on, she'd always tell me how brave I was and how impressed she was. It's a bit of a family joke now between me and my mum and aunt that we always say oooh, you girls! whenever we do something so daring. Granny was so impressed with us, and I think a bit jealous.

DrCoconut · 01/09/2018 18:52

My grandmother was born in 1918 and had a driving licence. Grandad cycled to work so she could use the car for shopping, taking my DM places and visiting clients for fittings (she was a dressmaker). My grandparents wanted my mum to go to uni (she did) and supported her getting a car and a mortgage in her own right. So this kind of thing is very alien to me, but I've seen it elsewhere.

BackforGood · 01/09/2018 19:05

Unless she was actually born in the 1930's and grew up in the 50's, these comments seem weirdly anachronistic.

"Even if"... I'd say.
My Mum was born in the 30s and would never dream of thinking such odd thoughts. Nor would her Mum, born in 1890s Hmm

Does she have no knowledge of all the driving (and flying) done by women during the war years ? Indeed, during WW1, as well as WW2

AlexaAmbidextra · 01/09/2018 19:06

I had an HGV licence. How I used to laugh at the dropped jaws when I’d reversed a huge artic into a tight position and climbed down from the cab. 😂

topcat2014 · 01/09/2018 19:10

One Late DGM drove small trucks in the war.
The other was a secondary school deputy head and you really wouldn't mess with her -

Chrysalis7 · 01/09/2018 19:13

@ThePerfect1IthinkNot

When I landed my first big job, doubling my previous salary, my DM was aghast that I was going to accept it. Not because she didn’t think I was capable, but because I was stopping a man from having such a good role!

That's actually disgraceful. What a shitty attitude! Hmm

And I believe every word, because I know/have known a number of people like that during my lifetime, and even know several now! (like everyone on here I suspect!)

@DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews

I have a pretty common small SUV, perfect for children/dogs without being massive. From what I see on the road, there's an even split between male and female drivers. I work in a male dominated industry and have had comments about my car being like a monster truck, the Death Star and the other week when a colleague followed me into the car park, later congratulated me on 'great parking this morning, you reversed straight in, no messing' (I do this every morning, and he drives a big car and also reverses into his space.)

Funny how my male colleagues who do drive massive cars miss out on these comments and something tells me they don't tell each other 'great parking!' everytime someone reverses between two parked cars.

Yep, also had this shit! Hmm

Everytime I do a perfectly brilliant parallel park, I will get some random MAN calling over to me and saying 'woah that was an impressive parallel park luv!'

I am always polite and I smile and say 'ha ha thank you!!!' Smile

Inside, I am thinking 'I hope you shit a cactus!'

And no, men never say anything when DH does a good parking manoeuvre!

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/09/2018 19:15

We bought the car we bought because that dealership was the only one that seemed to understand the concept that I wanted technical information and DH wanted to look at paint samples. Every other dealership kept talking to DH. In one he actually said, "mate, it's her you'll have to convince".

Luckily the older women in my family are (and have been) completely kick-arse back at least four generations. As are DH's. You don't fuck with them.

HateIsNotGood · 01/09/2018 19:15

No - I don't get this from anybody - I've been a single independent woman continuously for over 25 years - and I do everything required in life. I can't think of any time that anyone has suggested they do something for me because I'm a woman.

It actually would be quite nice for someone else to something now and again so I wouldn't have to, but hey ho.

Chrysalis7 · 01/09/2018 19:16

Also agree with a pp above, and I did say something similar earlier; it's not always the 'older generation' who are sexist/have archaic views. Some sexist twonks I know are younger than me! (In their 30's... or even their 20's....)

brizzledrizzle · 01/09/2018 19:20

I get "You are doing so well to run a house without a man to help you" Of course I need a man to put up shelves, mow the lawn and so on.
My son gets told "You must be the man of the house"
It's all bollocks. Now that I do need a man for, I've never managed to grow a pair yet. Good job I don't need them.

Chrysalis7 · 01/09/2018 19:22

VERY annoying for you. @brizzledrizzle!

I mean, God forbid women can do MEN'S jobs! Grrrrr!

Happyhippy45 · 01/09/2018 19:22

Weirdest one I had from a repairman in our house asking me "Is that your husbands guitar?"
I'd never thought of guitars as being manly instruments before.

Chrysalis7 · 01/09/2018 19:22

I am Being sarcy obvs. Grin

Chrysalis7 · 01/09/2018 19:23

Yeah the assuming a guitar is a man's is a weird one!

Original poster
Boyskeepswinging · 01/09/2018 19:25

Does she have no knowledge of all the driving (and flying) done by women during the war years ? Indeed, during WW1, as well as WW2
MIL is aware that lots of women drive, that most people use electric ovens and that many people enjoy a glass of water with dinner. It's just that in her world that still doesn't make any of the above OK.
It's bad enough that someone aged around 90 thinks like this but it's the youngsters with such outdated ideas that I find so depressing.

OP posts: