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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not do this

29 replies

purplelila2 · 01/09/2018 11:38

Ok so 'd'h has issues at work he does nights so is available for the school run etc.

Last night at work he had an argument with his manager and walked out .

He does have a bad attitude anyway his boss said he was rude and argumentative. But I don't know what he's like a work so can't comment too much.

He wants to look for something else but expects me to create and do his cv so he can apply for jobs.

I refuse to do this. AIBU to refuse?

I work full time and we have 3 kids I have a long commute into work and I'm tired all the time. By contrast he works 4 nights he's off Saturday Sunday Monday and Tuesday all day till 10pm.

I do almost all of the organising and the planning and the mental load.

He expects it all handed to him on a plate .
Eg lunch today I asked what HE was planning on making for lunch today as I don't see why it's down to me alone I'm also veggie and him and the kids aren't.

He said he doesn't like cooking and he's not good at it well I don't like it either!

Why is it all down to me AIBU

OP posts:
NancyDonahue · 01/09/2018 11:49

Point him towards the internet where he will find plenty of websites that will create a CV.

He's not keen on cooking but does he clean up? In our house one cooks, one cleans.

Moominfan · 01/09/2018 11:50

Sounds really selfish

covetingthepreciousthings · 01/09/2018 11:54

Yanbu, I would also refuse. There are plenty of websites with CV templates on nowadays.
He would not be unreasonable to ask you to have a look & check it over once he's done it, but he shouldn't expect you do it for him.

I would be concerned about his behaviour at work.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2018 11:55

It shouldn’t be down to you but he’s learnt that by being pathetic and acting like a stroppy child someone else will fix it for him.

He can feed your children and he can sort his own CV and job applications. You can’t interview for him so he may as well just get the fuck on with it himself from the start.

Tell him to start acting like a bloody grown up. You’ve got too much on your own plate to take on mothering him as well.

When he asks you stupid questions try a dead eyed stare and say he’ll work it out.

MrsExpo · 01/09/2018 11:56

I'm a bit on the fence on this one. On the one hand, I can see why you would think the way you do under the circumstances you describe. But on the other, if you have the skills to help him put together a good CV which will help him find a new job, then it would be in your interests to do it to get him back into work asap surely.

The "who does what at home" issue is secondary to him getting a job, unless you can all live on your salary.

Original poster
purplelila2 · 01/09/2018 11:57

I don't mind checking it over once he's done it but I don't see why I should have to do it for him including actually applying for jobs.
He wants it all handed to him on a plate

OP posts:
Original poster
purplelila2 · 01/09/2018 12:00

For background he's been doing this job for years he hated it so much he reduced his days from 5 to 3, he then took on an additional day.

Whereas I've been full-time all the time due to finances .

OP posts:
supadupapupascupa · 01/09/2018 12:04

You should both work the same amount of hours. If one of you is in the house longer than the other they should fill that time cleaning and tidying BEFORE everything else gets split 50/50. Put your foot down!! He will get away with what you let him

Original poster
purplelila2 · 01/09/2018 12:12

I don't want to drop feed but we've had these arguments in the past .
I've said on the days you're not at work you need to pull your weight at home he listens for a week then goes back to his old ways .

He doesnt want to have these conversations I'm not sure what more I can do I'm refusing to pick up the slack.
Eg if the kids havent done their homework by the time I'm home(7pm) then it's his issue same with their dinner . They're still small 5 and 4 years

OP posts:
supadupapupascupa · 01/09/2018 12:14

If your children are under that’s your issue too??

supadupapupascupa · 01/09/2018 12:14

Unfed

Original poster
purplelila2 · 01/09/2018 12:16

And I can't say anything about his job or him doing sod all at home as he threatens to quit.

He also uses it as an excuse for not doing things at home Eg I'm too stressed or I'm too tired or my jobs shit etc yet he will sit and play computer games .

OP posts:
supadupapupascupa · 01/09/2018 12:17

He sounds depressed :-( I’m sorry you’re going through this but he is being absolutely unfair

Original poster
purplelila2 · 01/09/2018 12:19

@supadupapupascupa if they're not fed yes it is up to me as well but why is it always up to me and not their dad as well.
Why can he not for once do any meal planning or make anything why is it always me.

He doesnt woek on Mondays yet there's been times I've come home. from. work at 7pm and he's not fed the kids that's taking the piss .
He'll say they've had snacks etc and I didnt know what to make

OP posts:
Gersemi · 01/09/2018 12:31

And I can't say anything about his job or him doing sod all at home as he threatens to quit.

Call his bluff. Next time he threatens to leave, show him where the door is.

OutPinked · 01/09/2018 12:33

YANBU. Unless he is illiterate, he can do it himself.

Maelstrop · 01/09/2018 12:35

He needs to man up, what an idiot. Just don’t do anything for him, see how he likes it.

MortyVicar · 01/09/2018 12:35

What is it that keeps you with this prince among men? I mean that seriously. Your life would be far simpler without him because then you wouldn't have the stress of knowing that you'll have to do it all despite him being home so much, and an added bonus is that he'll have to wake up to life without a maid servant and nanny.

It doesn't sound like he has any intention of changing, he's happy being lazy and childish. So if this relationship is to continue, it will also be you doing all the emotional work to make that happen while he does sod all.

supadupapupascupa · 01/09/2018 12:56

He doesn’t do it because he knows you will and he’s happy that let you.

LeftRightCentre · 01/09/2018 13:09

He wants you to do his CV and apply for jobs for him plus do all hte lifework? Next he'll want you to wipe his arse. Stop it now. Don't do his CV.

RabbitsAreTasty · 01/09/2018 13:24

He doesn't have to do anything because you do it for him. He whinges, you cave. He stops after a week, you don't kick off. Kick off a lot more.

Me, I'd have no interest in being on super strict alert at all times so that a manchild can take less advantage of me. What a way to live. I'd rather be single. You may feel differently.

Fluffyunicorns · 01/09/2018 13:42

Sounds like my Ex - any time I mentioned that he ought to do more he would have a tantrum and when I then withdrew he would say that unless I cooked his dinner he would not eat and then if he did not eat then he would not be able to go to work the next day and then it would be my fault if he did not earn anything! In the end he stopped even pretending to work after walking out of work in a strop. I then took a few months to realise that I was doing all the childcare (drops and pickups and working school hours only so he never had them), all the housework, all the admin, all the cooking etc etc, Note the word Ex.
So much better with just the 2 children rather than the three that I basically had before

Original poster
purplelila2 · 03/09/2018 19:58

Another example of pure fuckery I got home from work half 6 decided to go for a run before anything else.

I get in and 'd'h have the kids had a bath as they have school in the morning .

answer no he 'didn't think'..

He's been doing things for himself all day running his errands and playing computer games yet he can't 'think .

I've had enough !!!!!!

OP posts:
RabbitsAreTasty · 04/09/2018 10:55

He can think. He thinks children and house things are women's work.

If he is feeling generous he might help you with your work if you ask nicely and are super grateful afterwards.

You've married a misogynist dinosaur.

What are you doing on MN anyway, shouldn't you be planning his dinner and fetching his slippers and pipe. Remember, if he does any of your hoovering today for you then you must give him a blowjob in gratitude. And maybe a medal.

Shoxfordian · 04/09/2018 11:26

Yeah what he thinks is that it's your job not his
What's he bringing to the party here? He sounds useless