AIBU TTC when I don’t enjoy babysitting

[India1819]

I am currently babysitting my two nephews, overnight last night, today and tonight.

I would never admit this in RL, but I don’t enjoy it. Like at all. I have zero interest in playing with them and find the whole time a chore, counting down until they go home and I can do something enjoyable.

They run round screaming, touching and banging into my stuff. One also has communication issues (suspected autism) so is more challenging. The other is just a typical bouncy boy.

I’m sure my lack of patience and interest makes me a terrible person. I have friends who love spending time with their nieces and nephews and I don’t understand why I don’t. I care for them as in I wouldn’t want them to be hurt but I don’t even know if I love them, which I know is dispicible. I never think to go see them. It’s only if my SIL/BIL initiate. (DH Bro and wife)

My DH and I are currently TTC and basically my feelings worry me. I want a baby but what if I don’t love it? And it’ll be a toddler then a child one day...what if I still have no interest in playing. What is wrong with me? Am I not meant to be a mum?

Everything my children do is adorable. Other children doing pretty much the same thing is annoying.

While it is different when it’s your own, I think most people enjoy at least some aspects of spending time with their niece/nephews even if it’s hard work.

If you actively dislike it, there is no guarantee you would feel vastly different with your own DC and doing something you don’t enjoy 24/7 for years on end is no fun for you and not really fair on the DC.

It may be that your nephews are particularly difficult which is why you don’t enjoy it. It could be that you enjoy playing with your own DC but not other peoples or you could find yourself in the position of having your own DC and hating playing etc.

Are there no aspects of your DN you enjoy? Reading books to them, sitting and colouring with them, rough play, playing cars, jigsaws, pretend play, giving them a bath, taking them the park?
Do you think you would enjoy doing these things with your own kids?

I like my DH's Brother's child.

I love my own sister's children.

My own child is the most magical child to ever be born in the history of the earth and everyone who has the pleasure of meeting her is blessed

OP I would think long and hard about it if you need to be persuaded by people saying “it’s different when they’re your own”.

I have a friend with a 4 year old. She is annoying and wants me to play with her (pretend to be this unicorn toy blah blah) dont look forward to seeing her at all

Love playing with my own dc though

I think most people enjoy at least some aspects of spending time with their niece/nephews
I hate mine. They’re little shits. And I adore my own DC. How you feel about someone else’s kids bears no relation to how you feel about your own.

I also don't think your DHs kids are the same as niece and nephews.

There's no blood link. I love my nieces and nephews...and thetly are more my family.

I don't have the same relationship with DHs nieces and nephews as nice as they are.

It’ll be completely different!

I work in a preschool and love the kids there, I can’t stand kids out in public. Don’t find them cute, they’re in my way, under my feet, don’t like them looking at me and wish they’d all piss off.

I think most people enjoy at least some aspects of spending time with their niece/nephews

I agree with this.

I hate mine. They’re little shits

I think this may be due to your relationship with your siblings.

I love my siblings and could never describe their children as 'little shits'. Not in a million years.

I suppose if you have very different parenting styles that could account for part of it....but to call them little shits says more about you, than them IMO.

I’ve never enjoyed spending time with other people’s kids. I’m not maternal in any way and even spending time looking after my niece feels like an ordeal. When I was pregnant I was worried I’d feel this way about my own baby but honestly it’s not. I love spending time with him, he’s an absolute joy to me. Even now when I look after other people’s kids I find it incredibly tedious but it’s very different with your own.

You will love the bones of your own kids, don't worry. It's very different.

Honestly, I love children, have always enjoyed babysitting but then having my own was HARD.

I think children are funny, endearing, joyful etc. But that feeling of "I can't wait to get my space back" is still here for me now, years later. Years and years of "one day I will feel at peace". One day I can sleep. One day I only need to suit myself.

And as I write this now I realise I'm not entirely sure I feel at home with them? God, wonder if I need counselling.

Anyway, my children are SO much better than other people's kids. But because they ARE different when they're your own. They're hysterically funny, and so loving, and they are definitely fabulous little people. But they take up all my peace, my rest, I get no respite and I already come from a place of liking children and enjoying children's activities.

Just think about it and don't presume "It's different when it's your own" because that's true but you can't "hand them back" if it doesn't suit you.

I think your feelings are totally normal.

Other people's children are nothing like having your own.

You must want a child of your own as otherwise you wouldn't be TTC.

You must want a child of your own as otherwise you wouldn't be TTC

That is not necessarily the case at all.

I don't understand people who say they hate other people's kids. I love my own and like other people's. I love little kids. But then that's my own experience.