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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU TTC when I don’t enjoy babysitting

65 replies

India1819 · 01/09/2018 10:09

I am currently babysitting my two nephews, overnight last night, today and tonight.

I would never admit this in RL, but I don’t enjoy it. Like at all. I have zero interest in playing with them and find the whole time a chore, counting down until they go home and I can do something enjoyable.

They run round screaming, touching and banging into my stuff. One also has communication issues (suspected autism) so is more challenging. The other is just a typical bouncy boy.

I’m sure my lack of patience and interest makes me a terrible person. I have friends who love spending time with their nieces and nephews and I don’t understand why I don’t. I care for them as in I wouldn’t want them to be hurt but I don’t even know if I love them, which I know is dispicible. I never think to go see them. It’s only if my SIL/BIL initiate. (DH Bro and wife)

My DH and I are currently TTC and basically my feelings worry me. I want a baby but what if I don’t love it? And it’ll be a toddler then a child one day...what if I still have no interest in playing. What is wrong with me? Am I not meant to be a mum?

OP posts:
SummerHoliday79 · 01/09/2018 11:34

I have lots of nephews and nieces, some very well behaved, some totally wild. I don't like looking after any of them Blush Would never say that to their parents though I avoid babysitting wherever I can. I am just not interested in other people's children.

However with my own (I have 3) I loved them immediately, I have endless time for them and I enjoy being with them. It is completely different.

whereisthepostman · 01/09/2018 11:36

Babysitting and mothering are two different things OP.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 01/09/2018 11:37

Highheelsandbobblehats ahh yes now see I established that it was in fact on land but the whale shark had a special suit ....i pointed out that it would be easier if the lion had a scuba suit but this was dismissed as sillyGrin it finally hinged on number of legs being a key factorGrin

Actually that's a point OP (not the number of legs on a whale shark of course) ...its actually far more disturbing when you go past bored and end up genuinely considering these matters as a rational thing

With your own children you do end up considering things like a whale shark in a reverse scuba suit as a good idea Grin

That bit is far more concerning

highheelsandbobblehats · 01/09/2018 11:41

Reverse scuba suit has made my day. Like Minion in Megamind and Fish in Chicken Little.

The who will win in a fight debate is a serious matter and should be given due consideration.

bluemascara · 01/09/2018 11:42

I secretly hate other people's kids. It's different with your own I promise. I'm not really in to playing with my kids either but they keep eachother occupied.
I never remember my mum playing with me! And I turned out grand

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 01/09/2018 11:43

I never remember my mum playing with me!

Thats slightly sad

ChangerChangerson · 01/09/2018 11:44

I can't stand other people's children and have near to zero interest in them (although I fake interest in my friends' kids).

I feel the opposite about my own child. When he came along he really changed my view of kids and I love playing with him and spending time with him.

candlefloozy · 01/09/2018 11:48

Kids are like farts. Your own are ok but others smell!

cestlavielife · 01/09/2018 11:48

You don t give birth to a child but to a dependent newborn...as they grow and change so do you. It s different when it's yours.

bluemascara · 01/09/2018 11:49

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband it's not sad at all. She worked full time but she always had a dinner cooked for us. She cuddled us before bed and told us stories. She took us to the park etc. But didn't play dolls etc. I spent a lot of time out on my bike / playing in the garden as do my kids
I do remember her teaching me to knit tho!

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 01/09/2018 11:52

Fair enough, I took that as she didn't do any child activities like parks etc! I consider that playing but thats because my son likes to play monsters and chase us lol

SandyY2K · 01/09/2018 11:53

Your own kids are different. Your nephews are very full on and I'm not surprised you don't enjoy it.

I've generally found boys at that age can be a handful. Loud...less sense of danger and boisterous.

BlueSky198080 · 01/09/2018 11:54

Kids are like farts. Your own are ok but others smell!

This^ totally!

Lookingforadvice123 · 01/09/2018 11:55

I don't like other people's children really. And I don't think of DH's brother's kids as my nieces and nephews, my own sister doesn't have kids so not sure if I would feel differently.

My own little boy is the best, obviously, but it is hard work and I can't pretend I don't look forward to nap time and bedtime!

BigBlueBubble · 01/09/2018 11:58

Children are like farts. You like your own but can’t stand other people’s.

I hate children including nieces and nephews. But I love my own DS. Basically when it’s your kid you can discipline and make rules as you see fit. So you don’t have to put up with any of the stuff that annoys you about other people’s kids. My DS isn’t sticky and never has a runny nose because I wipe him all the time. He doesn’t smash biscuits into the carpet or put dirty fingerprints everywhere because he’s only allowed to eat at the table with his bib on. He doesn’t bash toys off the furniture because he gets told off. He doesn’t get changed in public on the carpet - he gets changed in the bathroom where it’s clean and hygienic. He isn’t allowed to scream or annoy people or have bad manners. His style of play and behaviour is learned from me so I don’t find it annoying. He likes the same things I like because you tend to involve your kid in activities that you enjoy. Etc.

PinkHeart5914 · 01/09/2018 11:59

Babysitting is nothing like being a mother!

You carry your own child, you give birth to your own child, you love your own child (in a way you will never love a nephew) ...

I wouldn’t say I’m keen on other people’s children but I’ve got 3 dc of my own and love them to bits

HesterShaw1 · 01/09/2018 12:07

You hear countless platitudes - "oh it's different when it's your own" and the occasional honest, brave person who pipes up saying they wish they hadn't had children.

Parenthood is not for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that. More people need to think about that, in my opinion.

HesterShaw1 · 01/09/2018 12:08

But this surely is the best sentence every written on the subject:

Children are like farts. You like your own but can’t stand other people’s.

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2018 12:08

Just because you dont like other people's children doesnt mean you wont like you're own it's true. Unfirtunately, just because a baby's yours doesnt mean you'll like being a mum either.

Just be sure there's a part of you that wants a child - rather than doing it against yoyr better judgement/because it's expected. Also have you discussed in detail how childcare etc is going to work with your partner? Are you both agreed about how things like time off work to cover sickness will be shared, who will organise childcare, who will take and collect child from said childcare? If you're worried you might not enjoy having a child, then you may really resent finding out your partner expects his life to run on unchanged whilst you take on all the responsibilities for family life. (I desperately wanted children but was still quite Hmm about how automatically everyone, including dh, assumed that this would be the case).

OutPinked · 01/09/2018 12:12

Some kids are more irritating than others. You also tend to like your own DC far more than other people’s because they’re yours and we’re all a teensy bit selfish and egotistical like that Grin.

I used to hate babysitting and being around other people kids too. Not saying mine don’t irritate me because they do but I adore them because they’re mine, it’s just different.

ThursdayLastWeek · 01/09/2018 12:16

My kids are bloody annoying too.
At least when it’s babysitting you can give them back.

I think mothering is different in that it’s life sentence Wink

pigsDOfly · 01/09/2018 12:19

I never particularly liked other people's children but your own are different as pps have said.

Having said that I found having small DCs really hard. I found being a sahm very difficult but it was what I did and now realise I would have been happier if I'd gone back to work outside the home.

Now my DCs are adults we all get on very well though. So I suppose I must have done a good enough job for them to like me now.

I have DGC now and they seem to love spending time with me, as I do them, because I do play with them and read to them, as I did with my own but I'm not one of these grandmothers who wants to have the DGC round to stay all the time and I'm very happy to give them back.

Some people are just not interested in having children, one of my DDs is unsure if she'll ever want children although she brilliant with her sister's DCs, adores them and can't wait for them to be old enough to go and stay at her place with her.

I think a lot of people think they should want to have DCs without really thinking it through and it can seem a natural progression once they have found someone to set up a home with, but it's certainly not a given that everyone wants children or indeed will enjoy having any children they might end up having.

Loyaultemelie · 01/09/2018 12:21

See I do love my niece and nephew dearly, my niece has additional needs but somehow I find her much easier to deal with my nephew on the other hand... I'm usually busy when babysitting needed Blush
I do however love my two even if there are times I hide in the bath with wine and chocolate

BonnieF · 01/09/2018 12:23

It sounds to me like you haven’t properly thought through why you want to become a parent, OP. It isn’t for everyone.

Many people have said ‘it’s different when the kids are your own’, but in my view the fact that you actively dislike caring for your own nephews should ring alarm bells. Your post contains no positive comments about them, which Is telling. The fact that you are concerned enough about your reaction to caring for your nephews to post on here about it says a lot.

30hours · 01/09/2018 12:24

With an attitude like that? I wouldn’t ttc.

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