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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Safety.... AIBU?

54 replies

pinkpixie83 · 01/09/2018 09:16

Ok prepared to be told I am, but I'm not happy...

Ex husband has taken the kids camping.... DD has just text to tell me they are on their own in the tent. He's gone for a shower and left 4 kids on their own... ages, 10, 8, 6 and 3. This bothers me to leave them on their own like that on a campsite in a tent while he's completely out of site and out of ear shot as well.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Wheresthel1ght · 01/09/2018 09:19

Frankly, yes. Do you take them to t g e shower with you at home?

He's gone for a shower not a night out in the pub. Chill out and stop looking for excuses to get cross

MaisyPops · 01/09/2018 09:20

Yes YABU.

He has gone for a shower, not the other side of the world. What's he meant to do bring 4 children into the men's showed block?

YeTalkShiteHen · 01/09/2018 09:21

YANBU. He’s left them alone, in a tent, on a campsite.

Absolutely no comparison to leaving them downstairs while he pops for a shower upstairs at home, ridiculous comparison.

Also, the eldest is too young to have responsibility for the younger 3!

PeaceRaven · 01/09/2018 09:22

Any chap who takes 4 small children camping on his own deserves a bloody medal 😄. Getting my TWO off to sleep is nigh impossible in a tent!

OpenThatTrapDoor · 01/09/2018 09:22

Has he taken them away on his own? If so, presumably there’s not much choice unless he takes all 4 with him every time he goes to the loo/for a shower?

PeaceRaven · 01/09/2018 09:23

As to the AIBU... debatable. They will be fine, but that’s a lot of responsibility for a 10 year old.

Mindchilder · 01/09/2018 09:24

3 year old is a bit borderline but you wouldn't take 6-10 year olds with you to shower!

If 10 and 3 year olds are fairly sensible then it seems like a reasonable amount of responsibility and pretty safe.

I would happily leave my 8 and 4 year olds in the tent while I shower or go to the site shop, and let them go to the play area together.

Sunflowerr · 01/09/2018 09:24

YABU.

Don't look for reasons to be mad at him.

lillylollylandy · 01/09/2018 09:25

Seriously? PPs think it's acceptable to leave a 3 year old without adult supervision? YANBU OP. I bet their tent isn't even next to the shower block is it?

Racecardriver · 01/09/2018 09:25

He probably got to the campsite and thought shit, what am I supposed to do? He shouldn't leave them alone like that but he probably only realised there was a problem when it was too late and decided to take the relatively small risk.

savagebaggagemaster · 01/09/2018 09:25

YANBU

TheLionRoars1110 · 01/09/2018 09:26

Yabu I think leaving the girls outside the men's shower block would be worse.
Why did your daughter call you? Was something happening that she was worried about?

heavymetalheatherhead · 01/09/2018 09:28

I don't think it's acceptable to leave the 3yo, the others, I think is five as long as they're fairly sensible. Was your daughter just informing you, or letting you know because she wasn't happy? That should be a consideration too. I have an 8yo and 6yo, who I would leave to have a shower with strict instructions to stay within a certain area, and taking them exactly where I would be. Be if the joys of camping is that kids can go off in their own. But not at 3.

Original poster
pinkpixie83 · 01/09/2018 09:28

I don't know the temperament of the 3 year old, not my child.
I do know my 8 and 6 year olds are more on the naughty end of the scale, and fight easily. I also know my 10 DD has repeatedly asked her dad not to be left in charge of all the boys.
I'm not looking for a fight but it just feels risky.
An unlocked tent on a public campsite different to the lounge at home when you are upstairs.

OP posts:
Mindchilder · 01/09/2018 09:28

lilly - the 3 yo isn't alone, they are with older siblings.
For me it is a bit borderline and would depend on the children involved but I would leave my 4 yo in similar circumstances.

Mindchilder · 01/09/2018 09:29

What are the risks worrying you OP?

StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 01/09/2018 09:32

What do you want him to do? Take the children to the shower with him?

heavymetalheatherhead · 01/09/2018 09:33

OP i don't think you need to worry about it being "unlocked and public", which I'm reading as "someone could take / assault the children". As I said in my (actually quite unreadable, sorry!) post above, kids should be able to wander freely at a campsite. We've done lots of camping trips this summer and didn't see our DS's for big chunks of time as they were off having fun. I wouldn't have left a 3yo, though. And the fact that your daughter is not happy to be in charge is a big no-no for me.

GettingAwayWithIt · 01/09/2018 09:33

What is the alternative? He doesn’t shower all weekend? What about when he needs the loo? Hold it in?

I think if your DD is old enough for a mobile phone she’s old enough to look after herself and her siblings for a few minutes while her Dad freshens up.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/09/2018 09:33

I think he should have taken the 3 year old.

heavymetalheatherhead · 01/09/2018 09:36

Getting away with it a quick wee is not the same as a shower. Lots of campsites have family showers, with space, and no issue with boys / girls together. He could easily have taken the 3yo with him. Or no, don't shower. It's probably a two day trip. That's what wet wipes are for!

Returnofthesmileybar · 01/09/2018 09:38

Well I don't see a huge issue in theory but after your update the fact the ten year old has had to ask to not be left in charge of all three of them changes it, it makes it sound like a regular occurrence and she not comfortable so no it shouldn't be happening. I wouldn't say it now but and ruin their weekend but I would say it afterwards, a simple "she doesn't like it please don't do it" from you might work

PlaymobilPirate · 01/09/2018 09:43

Tents can't be locked so that's irrelevant

He maybe could have taken the youngest I guess

What did you expect him to do with the kids when he went for a shower? Its obvious they'd be alone for short periods for toilet/ shower with a lone adult

AppleKatie · 01/09/2018 09:49

I think YABU because this situation was predictable when you waved them off camping what did you think was going to happen in precisely this situation?

It’s why I don’t take my DS camping without another adult - he’s too young to leave and I’m too old not to need the occasional wee at 3am...

YANBU if you didn’t give permission but he took them anyway on his contact weekend without thinking it through however...

AnoukSpirit · 01/09/2018 09:50

I'd be more concerned if he'd padlocked his children into a tent tbh... Hmm

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