Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Safety.... AIBU?

54 replies

pinkpixie83 · 01/09/2018 09:16

Ok prepared to be told I am, but I'm not happy...

Ex husband has taken the kids camping.... DD has just text to tell me they are on their own in the tent. He's gone for a shower and left 4 kids on their own... ages, 10, 8, 6 and 3. This bothers me to leave them on their own like that on a campsite in a tent while he's completely out of site and out of ear shot as well.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Loyaultemelie · 01/09/2018 09:51

I would with my 8 and 3.5 because I know they are sensible but in this case if the 10 year old isn't happy he should have taken the 3 year old with him

Dollymixture22 · 01/09/2018 09:53

It depends how close he is and how long he will be gone. It would be unreasonable to leave the two youngest ones alone but the older ones makes it a grey area. If the three year old choked for example the ten year old would be old enough to call for help.

It’s not ideal but hopefully only for a few minutes.

InDubiousBattle · 01/09/2018 09:55

YANBU, a ten year old should not be responsible for her younger siblings.
What did you think was going to happen in precisely this situation?. It's not down to the op. The kids father has taken them camping so the onus is on him to think ahead about showering etc, esp given that the youngest isn't the op's child. He should have taken the 3 year old definitely and probably the 6 and 8 year old if the 10 year old didn't want to mind them for him.

Theresnodisneyending · 01/09/2018 09:57

Mine will split threeways in three different directions, at a sprint, the second they sniff freedom - usually in a field/park etc. I wouldn't have been able to leave them.

CherryPavlova · 01/09/2018 10:01

They should be able to be left for a brief few moments. The man needs a shower and to go to the loo.
I’d drive to hell on a motorcycle rather than take four children camping on my own so he deserves a medal not criticism.
Assumedly they’ll not be cooking or swimming?

IntentsAndPorpoises · 01/09/2018 10:02

Camping is about freedom for kids. A few weeks ago while camping I didn't see my 8 and 6 yr old unless they wanted food. They go off and explore.

I don't see what the major danger is?

bevelino · 01/09/2018 10:04

He could have taken the 3 year old with him; and all OP need do is let him know so that the scenario described is not repeated. I admire him for taking 4 young children camping on his own.

AllAtHome · 01/09/2018 10:07

YANBU

The 3 tread old could wander off. The 10 year old has specifically asked not to be left in charge. That’s to much responsibility for a 10 year old.

At the very least he should have taken the youngest two with him.

AllAtHome · 01/09/2018 10:07

Tread = year

19lottie82 · 01/09/2018 10:07

If the 10 year old is sensible and happy to keep an eye on the younger ones, I don’t see the problem about leaving them while he has a quick shower.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 01/09/2018 10:08

I don't understand what you want him to do either? Is he supposed to drag all 4 children with him when he needs a shower? What happens if he needs the toilet do they all come along with him too?

I highly doubt he has gone for a 25minute shower I assume he will be in and out as quick as he can and the children will be probably safer in a tent than messing about in the showers.

AllAtHome · 01/09/2018 10:09

The 10 year old is not happy about keeping an eye on the younger ones.

MsOliphant · 01/09/2018 10:10

Surely it's just a quick shower and back again?! He hasn't booked himself into a day spa has he? They'll be 'alone' ten minutes or so.

Realisticly, what are you worried about? Spontaneous combustion? Child snatching?

Auntpetunia2015 · 01/09/2018 10:14

So who does the 3 year old belong to? Why hasn’t he taken all boys with him for showers. Or has he just gone the loo which is in the shower block. Campsites are usually really safe places full of families. Why did your dd ring what had worried her?

MsOliphant · 01/09/2018 10:15

I presume the three year old is the child from OP's ex's current relationship.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 01/09/2018 10:21

In this precise situation he should’ve have taken the 3 & 6 year olds with him, told the 10yo she wasn’t responsible for the 8 yo and threatened the 8yo with a hefty punishment if they didn’t behave themselves, stay where they were told and not act up for 15 minutes.

You have to stress to your 10 yo that her Dad’s decision to leave her with all 3 boys is unfair, especially when she’s asked him not to and that while she must do her best to look after them few minutes, she is NOT responsible for them. Tell her that, at 10, adult responsibilities are just that and looking after children is the adults responsibility NOT the childs. She needs to understand that BEFORE something dreadful happens and she has the guilt for life.

It’s great he’s taken them all camping, I hope they have a fab time.

When they get back we’d be having words.

It’s NOT fair to put your 10yo DD in that position, especially when the 6&8 year olds are a handful, the 3 yo is small and doesn’t live with with her full time AND mostly because she has ASKED not to have this responsibility.

Other children, it may well not be an issue at all.

Nousernameforme · 01/09/2018 10:24

So the 10 yo dd should just suck it up and deal with her two brothers who totally won't play up for her and respect her authority as impromptu baby sitter whilst trying to keep a 3 yo out of trouble not running off and away from sharp things.
YANBU
Your ex should have thought about this and planned what he was going to do in this situation its not like either his desire for a shower or the fact that the 4 children are there would have come as a shock to him.

Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 01/09/2018 10:25

He should’ve taken the three year old I think, but the rest of them should be fine for a short amount of time. I’d be more concerned that the 8/6 year olds can’t be trusted to not fight with each other for 10 mins.

Oldraver · 01/09/2018 10:28

I'm surprised he didnt take the younger ones with him...certainly yhe three year old will need help showering/washing

Ohyesiam · 01/09/2018 10:29

I feel for your dd if she has asked not to be left in charge? But I think it’s safe enough. Everything has risk, it would be a very unlikely set of circumstances that lead to a really bad outcome.

pictish · 01/09/2018 10:31

Yabu - what does he do on the campsite when he needs to go for a shit? Take all the kids along?
Of course not. You’re being silly. To go for a shower and leave them together in the tent is absolutely fine.
Get on with your day.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/09/2018 10:32

What I hate is when you have a group of kids like this, something happens with the youngest and the oldest gets a bollocking because they are the oldest. 10 is too young to be responsible for a toddler.

Original poster
pinkpixie83 · 01/09/2018 10:34

I will leave it then.
I'd happily leave my 10 and 8 year old, it's the other two and the responsibility on my 10 year old when she isn't happy with it.
Don't get me wrong all credit to him for taking them camping, I won't take my 3 camping alone.
We parent very differently and I just need to accept it.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 01/09/2018 10:39

How long will he reasonably be gone for? My showers last 5-10 minutes

Aus84 · 01/09/2018 10:45

This doesn’t sit well with me. Far too many ‘what if’s’

If something were to happen to any of the 3 younger ones, your 10 year old would feel total responsibility.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread