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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have to be in competition for bloody food!

108 replies

sayerville · 31/08/2018 21:21

Alright, this is petty.
My DH is so greedy. All I want is a glass of wine and packet of crisps on a Friday night after a crappy week at work, not much to ask. I go to get the crisps and he's eaten the bloody lot.
Pissed me off that he's so selfish and inconsiderate.

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 31/08/2018 23:36

This used to happen in our house but when DH realised how much I was missing out he gave me a pretty snack box for Christmas stuffed with yummy things just for me. It magically gets filled whenever it gets a bit low and I’m not expected to share with him or the children though I do sometimes of course. He gets to eat anything not in my box and the issue is entirely solved. What’s more I feel loved and looked after.

Perhaps this could work for you too? No hiding things or discontent. It’s great.

butterflysugarbaby · 31/08/2018 23:38

What it boils down to is that many men are much more selfish and thoughtless than women.

My DH sometimes uses the last of the cereal and the milk, and leaves me with nothing for breakfast, even though there was categorically enough for 2 (the milk AND the cereal.) He will dump it ALL in HIS bowl, and not think 'hey I should share this with Butterfly! Or she won't have any.' I don't think there is any malice intended, many men just don't think outside the box.'

Also, when we have a box of 'strawberry crunch' cereal; sometimes all the strawberry is on the top. I will mix up the box as much as I can, and if most of the strawberry plops out into my bowl, I will scoop 90% of it out, and put it back in the cereal box. DH will just tip his milk over it. Doesn't register that if he has tipped 70-80% of the strawberry in the box onto his cereal, he has left hardly anything for me.

And as I said, if we have 2-3" of milk in the bottom of a 4 pint carton, he won't think 'I will leave Butterfly half....' He just pours it all onto his cereal and has it all.

I ALSO sometimes hide crisps, chocolates, cakes, crackers, and cheese, because he has 'greedy periods' where he nabs it all.

And sometimes, I/we WILL get something, and then split it in half, but he noshes his half real quick, and I have all mine left, and I feel guilty/obliged to share MY half. So I end up getting only a quarter of the lot - sometimes less!!! (Curse my niceness and female socialisation!) Hmm

Annoying. But good to see it's not just my DH who does it.

I have pulled him up about it a few times, and he has said he is sorry, and he stops for a while. But he slips back into his old habits again !

To the poster who said they couldn't be with someone so greedy and selfish; this isn't a massive issue for most people, but a minor gripe. You do have to take the rough with the smooth in relationships, and anyone who expects a partner to be perfect, never mess up, and never piss them off, is in for a big shock! (Or a very lonely life if they won't tolerate peoples flaws....)

@ReanimatedSGB

I think it's possible to regard this sort of behaviour as verging on abuse. It shows a total disregard for you as a person - you don't deserve treats, you don't deserve as much food as he does, the only person who matter is him. The fact that he blames you for being distressed when he has eaten your share of food is what makes it potentially abusive. Do you have DC? Does he feel entitled to their food, as well? I have seen a few threads about greedy men who will take food from their children's plates as well as eating the children's treats (eg easter eggs) and never replace anything or apologise.

Good grief! Shock Take about an OTT reaction! CHILL! Wink

Yes, it's not great that some of our partners are sometimes greedy articles (and a bit thoughtless with it sometimes!) but there are some very OTT reactions on this thread!

Oh, and our children have left home now, but no he NEVER stole their stuff! Hmm

KickAssAngel · 01/09/2018 02:54

Doesn't it also depend how much it happens & how the DH reacts? The OP seems to get almost no treats/snacks at all as her DH takes EVERYTHING. He then minimises & victim blames by saying he's not allowed anything (he just ate literally the entire packet and shared none) and calls the OP controlling for wanting 1/6 of something that she should get 1/2 of.

that really is getting abusive. She has to modify her behaviour so much in order to allow him to take all her food!!! That's very different from a slight imbalance of how the sharing breaks down. She's not getting any of the food, AND she's not allowed to have a perfectly normal response to it.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 01/09/2018 03:00

I often buy a melon and Parma ham, love it.
Go to fridge and dc have eaten all the fucking ham. Melon looks on mournfully

ReanimatedSGB · 01/09/2018 09:54

No, it's really not OTT to consider men who are this selfish and greedy as abusive. OP's H repeatedly eats all the food, does not replace anything, and bullies OP when she complains. It's about putting her in her place as much as anything - he can eat whatever he wants, she needs to 'share' ie not complain when she gets nothing.

Of course, part of the problem is socialisation. For centuries, we've all been encouraged to believe that men 'need' more food than women, that the best food (these days, the most enjoyable/expensive) should be allocated to men, and that if there isn't enough, the women should resign themselves to doing without.

DieAntword · 01/09/2018 10:00

So explain why I - a woman - often do the same?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 01/09/2018 10:03

If it ever came to the point that I had to hide food or eat a fucking kit kat on the toilet that would be the end of my marriage. What the hell is wrong with you all that you think that’s a sane thing to do??

But a 6 pack in 4 days?? I’d easily do that myself. Buy more crisps.

Bluebolt · 01/09/2018 10:14

Not sure this is a man or woman thing. I have known many women who do similar, have been for a coffee with a friend when she has pulled out her secret drawer and takes the rubbish straight to the outside bin to hide evidence so she doesn’t have to share. A friend who complains about her DP bringing unhealthy food into the house whilst hiding her own.

Butterymuffin · 01/09/2018 10:20

Did you ask him to go out and get more crisps OP? Did he refuse?

SpringSnow · 01/09/2018 10:24

To be honest I think you're starting a row over nowt. Just send him out to get more. If men started huffing and puffing over something so trivial they'd get accused of being emotionally abusive and all the rest of it.

Allthewaves · 01/09/2018 11:20

I have a shelf in cupboard that's mine. Kids and dh know not to touch

Thatssomebadhatharry · 01/09/2018 11:24

O god I hide snacks in my boot. I buy a pack of biscuits so I can have an occasional treat and they will all be gone within a day or so!!! Then it is my fault for buying them tempting him to eat them all!

CoalTit · 01/09/2018 11:26

My ex used to do this, but the bastard would leave the packaging in the fridge/cupboard so I thought it was still there, waiting for me to eat it.
A couple of posters on the thread about "things you do to annoy your oh" said they did this, and seemed to think it was cute and funny.

StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 01/09/2018 11:26

6 packets in 4 days isn't greedy.

And you said you rarely eat them so how was he supposed to guess that you wanted some on this particular day?

Peanutbuttercups21 · 01/09/2018 11:32

I live with two teenage boys and a hungry DH

So if I want food for me, that will still be there 24 hours after purchasing, I buy:

  • a flavour or snack type only I likd
  • hide stuff with the dog food/cleaning stuff
  • do individual portions (put some crisps in a bowl for ME, dips in ramekins)

You just have to be pragmatic about these things Wink

When the kids were smaller and we had a babysitter, she said they were like seagulls when the Doritos came out Grin she then learned to put things in bowls

(And yes, I try to teach them not to be greedy, but they are always starving it seems)

MrsSchadenfreude · 01/09/2018 11:41

DH gave up drinking, so I bought myself an extortionately expensive bottle of Pomerol, which would last me a week. Put it on the dining table while I cooked, came through with the food and he had finished the fucking bottle. Sent him out to Oddbins to replace it before he had dinner.

Passthecake30 · 01/09/2018 11:49

Last night we went out for dinner, pudding arrived...

Dp had a large portion of choc brownie and ice cream, I had toffee sponge and ice cream.
Dp scoffed his at super speed... and the gave hinting glances at my bowl. He looked absolutely delighted when I couldn't manage it and handed it over.

Some people are greedy sods. If you're not, then you need to hide a couple of treats for when they take your fancy (I put mine on the baking shelf behind the flour). Dp says if there is food in the fridge/cupboard he assumes it's for eating, and not for saving for ages until the fancy might strike me.

OctaviaOctober · 01/09/2018 12:05

Think up some hiding places. You shouldn't have to, but you share your home with a greedy selfish individual. What about your car? Keep a snack supply in the boot/glovebox.

recklessruby · 01/09/2018 12:06

But it is true that a 6 foot 3 man who s 16 stone and muscular will need more food than a woman who's 5 foot 7 and 11 and a half stone.
However wine sharing should be equal (or more for me coz I work in a secondary school Wink).

maxthemartian · 01/09/2018 12:40

Seriously I can't believe the level of shit that people put up with. Eating all your nice snacks, and feeling entitled to do so? Having to hide snacks behind cleaning products, what, does the lazy greedy fucker not clean either?

Women put up with way, way too much.

CripsSandwiches · 01/09/2018 12:49

Instead of actually hiding it can't you have a drawer that's stuff just for you. Say you look forward to a treat at the end if the day and you want yo make sure it doesn't get eaten. He can the binge on his crisps but there'll still be some left for you. If he wants more he can go out and get some.

CaptainBrickbeard · 01/09/2018 12:54

The ‘haha, hide it behind the cleaning products’ comments are so depressing. Why have such low expectations of men as to assume they are greedy, selfish and won’t do any housework? Or ‘men just don’t see it / can’t think that way’ - why not? Aren’t they fully functioning adults with jobs? Do they head to the office fridge at work and help themselves? Do they just blunder through life like a big, insensitive ox munching on whatever is in their path whilst you pat them in the head and chuckle indulgently because they’re only men and can’t help themselves???

Peanutbuttercups21 · 01/09/2018 13:23

Captain brickbeard, to many assumptions

I don't chuckle

I touch the cleaning stuff as little as DH does, it's just a place that can lie undisturbed for a week Grin

Don't feel sad for me or my relationship

ReanimatedSGB · 01/09/2018 13:25

That's a good point - do these greedy men help themselves to colleagues' food while at work? If there's eg an office biscuit tin or whatever, do these men take all the biscuits and tell other people not to be so petty if they complain?

DieAntword · 01/09/2018 13:40

That's a good point - do these greedy men help themselves to colleagues' food while at work? If there's eg an office biscuit tin or whatever, do these men take all the biscuits and tell other people not to be so petty if they complain?

Dunno about "these men" but someone does... need a locked box for the work fridge at my husband's work.