AIBU to ask what your relationship is like?

[revertius]

I know I'm BU to compare my relationship to others but I'm genuinely curious here. I want to know if I expect to much. If my standards are too high.

So please tell me about your relationships.

How long have you been together?

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?

How long have you been together?

13 years

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?

sort of, we don’t go out or call it that necessarily but we both work/train in the evenings so have one night a week to ourselves

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?
he makes me my morning drink before he goes to work, makes me dinner when I get home, I buy him things I know he’ll like or buy him little gifts

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?

yes, we share childcare and he does all the cooking. I do the bulk of the cleaning

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?

I expect him to support me more when I’m having mental health problems or when I’m up all night with the baby. I expect decent, unrushed and female focused sex once or twice a week. He expects me to support the children and allow him to train two nights a week/go out with friends

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?

yes, he is my best friend and always listened to me.

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?

yes, both. In some ways he’s remarkably slow to fix things but in other ways he will do something really sweet and kind

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?

he tells me he loves me every day, cuddles me, gives me foot rubs, messages me at work.

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?

i don’t feel ignored but I don’t feel attractive to him. It’s the one area of our marriage that is not 100%. I have to basically instigate all sex, make it clear how often I expect sex or he just won’t bother for weeks or months. That makes me feel awful about myself

How long have you been together?
2.5 years, don't live together yet

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?
Once or twice a month we will go out, he usually suggests it

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?
He is reliable, doesn't let me down, speaks and acts respectfully to me, and indeed everyone around him, is thoughtful and considerate. Puts my kids first, and I try to do the same to him.

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?
He doesn't live here so slightly different but when he is here he pitches in with cooking, DIY, dishwasher etc

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?
Fidelity, kindness, respect, support, help,

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?
Yes, always. He might not always agree with me but we rarely argue

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?
He will often turn up with little gifts for us (often freebies from work but the thought is there)

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?
Yes totally but I can't put into words how he does it, other than all the above really.

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?
Yes, but we are still only two years in so the honeymoon period may not last.

I hope that this doesn't sound like I am smug - I have had some crappy relationships in the past when I was younger, but pushing 50 I know what I want and what I will / won't tolerate. If he were rude / disrespectful / aggressive / cheated or crossed any of my other lines then I would not waste any time and would walk away.

Been together for 27 years and very happily married for 16.

Have always been very strongly physically attracted to each other, still enjoy lots of sex and kissing/cuddling etc. He makes me feel very attractive and very cherished.

He does very little in the house, but we have a cleaner anyway so it doesn't really matter. He does mow the lawn, take out the bins, irons his own shirts and brings me coffee in bed at the weekends

We don't do specific date nights, but we do make the effort to get away for a weekend together a few times a year. And we typically eat out together a couple of times a week.

He's very much a man's man and isn't really in touch with his feminine side so we don't have lengthy heart to hearts all the time. I don't think either of us feel the need? But he is my rock and he is always there if I need him. We communicate well most of the time although we're both strong willed so sometimes clash. He runs his own business which is very lucrative but he often gets distracted by doing research and techie stuff which he finds fascinating but doesn't make money. This is the only thing we seriously argue about, but ultimately he agrees I'm right But as a compromise he is starting an academic course this month to satisfy his thirst for knowledge and I've increased my work hours from 2.5 to 3.5 days. This is typical for us, there's storms but we always do work it out.

I feel very lucky to be married to him and I know he feels the same about me

My marriage is not a fairytale, sometimes I get a bit fed up, but ultimately I think it will go the distance.
Together 21 years, married for 12.
We have two sons, 8 and nearly 4. They are lovely but it’s hard work and we get stressed about family life.
Date nights- yes we’ve just started once a month hiring a baby sitter. We can’t afford more than that, but we can’t afford not to have them. We need them.
Showing love for each other? I don’t think we do enough. We say I love you and hug. My DH is a strong silent type. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word romance. We’re not on the same wavelength at all in this regard.
Household tasks. I do 80% of housework and all cooking as I work part time. He doesn’t mind doing his 20% at all. He takes over with childcare when he gets home.
Does he make me feel attractive like he can’t get enough of me? Yes and no. We have sex about three times a week and it’s very loving. He occasionally pays compliments. My feeling of being attractive really comes from within me.
Sometimes we talk about relationship issues but I always instigate it. He doesn’t like that kind of conversation. He doesn’t make plans for the future and has no ambition. That annoys me sometimes but often I recognise that this makes him a thoughtful, interesting person. We spend a lot of time talking about books and films.
We argue, because after 20 years we still don’t understand each other. These arguments can sometimes be horrible and disrespectful. We should sort this out. Having said that, I think disagreement in a relationship is healthy. We just don’t argue in a healthy way.
I wish we would laugh more together.
Neither of us is perfect. I can be an awful wife sometimes.
He is a very good dad, a considerate lover, a hard worker, a caring person, a fun person to be around (when we’re out on a date and not dealing with stuff). I can only imagine someone better in that I don’t think they really exist. No one is perfect.

How long have you been together?
10 years, met at 21.

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?
Less often now we have DC but yes. Both instigate as and when we can.

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?
He's very thoughtful, remembers the tiniest things I'm going through and puts me and our DC ahead of himself always. Also little things like keeping lists of great looking restaurants to try when we're on holiday that he knows we'd both like, same with things for the house as we have similar taste.

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?
He's a great cook so does more kitchen based tasks, I do all laundry as I don't mind that. The rest, including DC related is split equally depending on who is in the house more. Essentially- when we're both at home, household chores and childcare are just equal responsibility. I'd never go near anybody who even remotely thought life didn't work like that.

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?
To love me, or let me know if that ever changes.
To love our children unconditionally and parent in line with our shared values.
They expect the same back.

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?
Yes, and do every day.

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?
Both sometimes. Predominantly good though!

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?
Every day. He just looks at me and makes me feel special. How fucking hideously cheesy! But I can't describe it another way.

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?
Yes, very occasionally I feel ignored but it's more mid argument, never in normal life as such.

@revertius it's taken time and respect to get to the stage we're at, our early days were fierier, as I say we're both quite strong characters. But we've never put each other down, we've always supported each other and we're genuinely friends first, so it's made it easier to work things out together when things have been rough.

I am far too attached to a guy that I met on a dating site and decided not to date but stay friends (mutually) because he offers me about 35% of the things that those of you in good relationships are talking about. he is qualifiedly supportive (reasonably enough, I am not his one and only and he has other stuff going on in his life); he is very complimentary, when we see each other or talk, which is not every day or even remotely every week (fair enough, we are just friends among many); he really listens to what I have to say when we do talk, and he really responds thoughtfully with honesty. This is from a guy who says he isn't in a relationship because he says he has always been a shit boyfriend and doesn't want to be one again. His casual friend setting is still about 7x more affectionate than the actual boyfriend setting of any of my partners of the past

We have been together 13 years. Married 4.

Date nights: depends what you mean by date night. Sometimes we just put a movie on, have a glass of wine, order a glass of wine and send the kids to either of our parents. We call that a date night. Sometimes our date night is going to London for the night, stopping in a nice hotel and going somewhere fancy for tea. Both of us instigate it, and some form of date night whether it be staying in or going out happens around 3 times a month.

In a morning before he leaves for work he leaves me a little note just to tell me he loves me and he hopes I have a nice day. He brings me flowers. On his way back from work he will sometimes pick me up a Costa. If he knows I am especially tired or sick he will pick me up supplies from the shop. If I mention something I like or want he will generally buy it for me without me asking.

I show him I love him by making him lunch everyday to take to work, by booking tickets to see his favourite band without telling him, by putting the kids in bed a bit early one night and cooking him a candlelit dinner without telling him I'm going to do it.

I do majority household tasks (SAHM) but on the weekend he will generally creep out of bed a little earlier and give the kitchen a clean, or tidy up the kids messes. In an evening he usually runs the hoover round if he has chance.

I don't think we expect anything of eachother really. Just to be there, love and respect eachother.

We talk all the time. Any issue, any little niggle. I trust him with my life, he's my best friend and he knows all my secrets. He even listens when I tell him random gossip about the mothers in the school playground that he doesn't know.

We try to surprise eachother a few times a month, but if it's a hard time or we are super busy we don't beat ourselves up about it.

I am very lucky that we have such a healthy and mutually respective relationship. We have been together since I was 14 and he was 16. I don't know any different from him, and I wouldn't want to.

This is such an interesting thread. Being happily married was wonderful . Until he turned into a beast.

I'm not sure all these people piling in to say how wonderful their relationships are is very helpful to OP to be honest (anyway, mine is the best )

I think OP knows that she's not happy, perjhaps it would be more helpful to aks where she is now and what she would like

How long have you been together?
13 years

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?
Ugh, no. The very idea makes me cringe

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?
DP did the tiniest bit of manual work yesterday and was complaining about his hands being sore. Even though I thought he was being a massive drama llama, I made him a soak and let him use my very expensive hand cream. When he had piles, I banged a load of cream up his shitter for him. He always makes my cups of tea for me because he's better at tea than me. Even when he's super-comfortable, he'll always get up and do it

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?
He doesn't "help" because he owns half the house and lives in it just as much as I do. We do about half each. He does all the shopping and cooking. I do all the washing and bed changing. Everything else we divvy up pretty much equally.

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?
Support, love, care, always being on each others side, no judgement.

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?
Yes.

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?
He's an amazing present buyer. Never anything big or expensive but always really thoughtful and lovely.

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?
No but that's not what I want from my life partner. I want us to rub along together, be partners, be companions. He makes me feel loved when I need it but because we're companions, I don't need it IYSWIM.

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?
No but, again, I don't want that. We have a good sex life.

18 months and live together.

Yes to date nights -we are going on one tonight. Both of us organise. Varies between 0-8 a month

We look after each other - cups of tea, anticipating the others needs, text if we will be late, if I’m working late he’ll make me a “treat” dinner, I do the same. He even cleaned up my sick once (booze not illness) the alcohol caught up with me way too quickly

We split chores equally and if it’s stuff like I stacking the dishwasher we do it together unless the other one is out. He would never leave it and pile stuff in the sink unless it was 11pm at night and then we do it the next day

I can talk to him about anything even difficult stuff and vice verse.

I surprise him more than he does me, but I love surprises he bought me a beautiful dress as a surprise when we were on holiday.

He makes me feel cherished and secure and I feel like he sees who I am in it’s entirety even the awful bits and still truly loves all of me.

I would devastated and probably need a sabbatical and counselling if he left me. He is my everything, I love cooking dinner, and sitting on the sofa watching junk with him as much as the fancy stuff.

Married 9 years together for 11. Two kids one of them is a newborn. We split most chores and jobs around the house but I do a bit more because I am home earlier in the evenings and all the time at the moment.

He makes me tea every morning and lets me lie in at the weekends. He buys me flowers for no reason and is always kind and thoughtful.
We both work full time so we don’t get as may opportunities to have date nights but we often arrange to go away for a night if we can get a granny to babysit.
I think the reason our relationship works so well is we are a genuine partnership. We make decisions together as a unit and we support each other in all we do.

Together 15 years. Date nights about once a week (often nice meal together/takeaway at home, or babysitter and we go out, sometimes theatre, concert, restaurant), we carve out a minimum of 1 night a week (both work strange hours). I probably plan the date nights about 65% of the time. He used to leave it to me until I explained that making the effort was part of the point, so now he surprises me.

Household tasks split by ability and preference. I work PT, but am disabled. He does at least half of school runs. I tend to cook and do laundry in the week, he takes over at the weekend. The mental load is mainly mine. We tend to pay for additional help - cleaner, shirts, nanny etc and that takes pressure off. We don't think of it as helping, it's sharing. He doesn't begrudge 'helping' at all.

I expect him to have my back, be loyal, support me, respect me but also to tell me when I'm being an idiot. He's the same but with more emphasis on physical affection, cuddles etc.

Yes, we talk quite a lot. If something is building up it's always better if we share and discuss. A problem shared and all that.

He surprises me with his patience, care, love, and sometimes brings home flowers or has little ideas for me. I apparently surprise him all the time by being completely unpredictable, but apparently he likes that. I surprise him with little treats, flowers, nice meals.

He makes me feel very special and very loved. I don't know how, he's just there for me and we've got through some dreadful experiences together. I trust him and I know he has my back.

Yes he makes me feel very attractive, even when I don't feel attractive (post-baby tummy etc)

7.5 years in. No we don't have 'date nights' but we will go out for dinner regularly, with our 2.5 year old, rarely go out together just us 2 drinking etc.
No little things as such, but yes I feel like he respects and supports me, I was in a job I hated, he gave me the go ahead to walk away.

I do most cooking as he's a bit useless and I enjoy it, we are hiring a cleaner as he doesn't like to clean and I resent doing it all.

I expect his support in day to day life and with parenting, I expect to be treated as equal and not as a second thought.

I used to bottle up issues, for a long time, until I realised that we work better by sharing little problems before they become bigger ones.

No surprises, ever.

I know he loves me, special occasions etc, but nothing like flowers randomly or things like that.

We are well past the 'can't keep my hands off you' stage, but he does notice things, and will tell me I look nice or that I should/should't wear certain things (as in that colour doesn't suit you, this style would be better)

5 years, no kids, not married yet

Most weekends are date nights and he tends to organise it. Sometimes I do if it's a perk from work.

To show love I cook all of his food/lunches and give lots of cuddles and kisses, take his socks of every day because he's a weirdo and treat him to little presents most weeks.
He treats me with massages or making me drinks, once spent 2 weeks getting me a present every day and he gets me flowers from the station stall every few weeks which he knows I love.

We talk about everything - from suspected mental health issues, to problems at work, to any issues in or sex life - it wouldn't work without communication (plus, I can read him like a bloody book)

I do the cooking, he does the laundry, we do everything else ad hoc except the dishwasher because apparently I'm shit at it. He doesn't begrudge me if it's a bit messy, that's probably more me because mess really really stresses me out and he struggles to understand that.

Yes he surprises me in very good ways.

Together 16 years, married 9. I miss the physical side of a new relationship, and neither of us has a particularly high sex drive any more. But I would say we're a very happy couple, love each other very much and there's nobody I'd rather spend my time with.

He makes me feel special, tells me regularly that he loves me, he supports me - in everything - shows appreciation for everything I do (which is reciprocal), makes me feel good about myself, listens to me, gives me space when I need it, comforts me when I need it, does an equal share of parenting and housework. I'd say we communicate well mostly, compromise easily, say sorry when needed, both feel able to voice opinions, thoughts and feelings safely.

We're not perfect. He drinks a bit too much a bit too regularly; I am a control freak and a perfectionist. He's Mr Negative, I'm Mrs Positive. We rub each other up the wrong way because of this and bicker a bit. He's outgoing and talks to people easily, sometimes losing track of time and surroundings (including me!) Whereas I'm not as sociable as him and sometimes just want it to be 'us' when we go out, without him getting into conversations with others.

But I never, ever, feel unable to talk to him, ignored or dismissed. We work well together. We give and take.

20 years. Make sure we have days together when kids are at school, happy, safe, loving, many more good days than bad.

How long have you been together?

7 years

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?

We do, usually to the football since we have season tickets. Sometimes with the bairns, sometimes without. Or we’ll go for breakfast if he has a day off once they’re at school/nursery.

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?

Making a coffee to have in bed (both do this) he de ices my car in winter because he knows I hate it, I always make his favourite meal when he’s been working away, lots of daft wee things too.

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?

If he’s working, I do it all. If he’s got a day off we split it.

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?

Trust, fun, love, respect and loyalty. For both of us.
Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?

Posted too soon!

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?

Yes, both ways. He’s been a huge support during my Mum’s illness and death, and the friends I’ve lost during the time we’ve been together. He’s ex army and a veteran so struggled with some stuff and I’m there for him.

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?

Never bad.

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?

Giving me a cuddle, telling me he loves me. Just being my best mate (sounds cheesy but it’s the truth) and we are comfortable together. Not complacent, but comfortable.

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?

Sometimes, peaks and troughs. Sometimes we’re all over each other, sometimes we can’t be arsed.

We have been together for 20 years. He was my first boyfriend and I still get butterflies when he sends me a cheeky text or if he’s been away with work and he’s on his way home.

We didn’t have date nights as we have a disabled child so because of my anxieties I never wanted to leave them. We had plenty of nights when the children were in bed and we had a takeaway, cooked a nice meal, watched a film or played a board game though. It’s only recently where the children are older and can be left at home that we go out together more.

He does lots of little things for me that I really appreciate. he will make me a drink before bed every night. I go up to bed at 10pm most nights and whilst I’m fluffing sofa cushions he will bring me a drink in. He surprises me with little things like a pack of seeds that I said I might grow after watching gardeners world, a bunch of flowers (just supermarket ones not a florist) when he nips to the shop. Just small little things. I do little things for him too like cook his favourite meals, surprise him with a sports ticket to watch a game and so on.

With housework he doesn’t have a lot to do in all honesty as I am home all day. When he comes home at 5.30 he jumps straight in with laying the table, clearing up after dinner etc. On weekends he does just as much as I do.

I haven’t really thought about expectations before. I suppose we expect each other to be faithful and to be good parents. We seem to be ok with both. We knew each other when we married so I don’t think there was any expectations.

I’m quite an emotional person anyway so we very much talk about everything and anything. We always listen to each other and respect what the other has to say even if we don’t quite agree with it.

Do I feel loved and attractive? Well that’s a bit of a hard one for me. I certainly feel loved and I always have done by him and hopefully he has felt the same from me. With attractiveness it’s a hard one. Dh has surgery early last year and hasn’t been able to have sex since. It’s an ongoing medical thing and fingers crossed we will be able to soon. He tells me I look nice and so on but it’s difficult with the no sex issue. He’s offered plenty of times to get intimate even though he can’t but I hate the thought of not doing it together I’ve held off.

So writing that all down it sounds like we have the perfect marriage for us but...... sometimes it’s fucking hard work. Sometimes I don’t want to listen to his opinion because I’m in a bad mood, or when he snores I want to suffocate him.

It’s easier now the children are older. When they were little and my days were spent looking after them and keeping them entertained I was exhausted. I didn’t want to have deep and meaningful conversations in the evening. I didn’t want him to talk to me when I was in the bath and he had been away all week and he missed me. I just remember feeling it was all so hard to juggle everything and the marriage was included in that.

On another note I think we compare ourselves to others too much. With Tv programmes, novels and especially social media we are being presented with what we think is the perfect relationship and we think of ourselves as failures when ours don’t meet that standard. Friends of ours had what I thought was the perfect marriage. He constantly showered her with gifts, Facebook was full of them doing stuff together. He would write soppy messages about her and so on. Everyone thought they were the ideal couple. She left him 6 months ago after the police arrested him for DV. It had been going on for years.

Together 24, married for 20 , 2 DC (19, 21)
We are a team, some times one of us does more, sometimes the other does. It doesn't matter because we both work as hard as we can, for us.
We have each others backs.
We are good to each other, and nurture each other, in our own ways

How long have you been together?
Together 22 years, married 17.

Do you have date nights? If so, how often? Who instigates?
No. Almost never. Occasionally a birthday or valentine's day. I ask a lot, but we have 3 children, and our house is chaos in the evenings with kids' activities. We both mention it fairly often, but only in a "we should do that more" way, which never turns into reality.

What little things do they do to show their love for you and what do you do to show them?
I used to do a lot more than I do now. I used to buy presents, flowers, notes in her packed lunch etc, but was mostly one-way. Early in our relationship DW was a bit of a free-spirit, and I had to work hard to keep us going. Over time, the realisation of the one-way nature of things meant I've done less and less. I still do make an effort sometimes. DW has got better over time - if she's been shopping she might buy me a shirt, or t-shirt she thinks i might like, but nothing romantic really. Now we feel more like partners. Which is good in some ways, but I miss romance (but acknowledge I am also responsible).

How do you split household tasks? Do they help or does it all fall to you? Do they begrudge helping?
It's a pretty even split.

What do you expect of them and what do they expect of you?
What does she expect from me? To be interested in her job, pursuits, feelings (and I genuinely am!), to provide my share for her and our children, to manage more practical things like household finances, repairs, car stuff (she's not interested), to be united with her in terms of parenting and how we deal with our families. I am more than happy to meet all those expectations.

What are my expectations of her? I'd like to say the same (minus the practical stuff). But the reality is very different, and my expectations are pretty low, and shrinking. It feels like she only really cares about my job, pursuits etc if it has a direct impact on her. Otherwise she's not really bothered.

Can you talk about how you feel, any issues you have? Do they listen?
We have always talked a lot. That was always a major strength of our relationship. But in the last couple of years, it feels like the list of things we've given up talking about is getting longer and longer.

Do they surprise you? Good or bad?
No, not really, but neither of us really like surprises, and we've been together so long it's pretty difficult to do anyway.

Do they make you feel special? Loved? If so, how?
Her me? No, not really. She tells me she loves me pretty regularly, but it feels more a familiarity thing. Me her? I try! But again, probably not as much as I used to. She suffers from self-esteem issues, and often dismisses things I say as being out of duty.

Do they make you feel attractive like they can't get enough of you or do you feel ignored?
Definitely don't feel like she can't get enough of me. Sex has never been a massive part of our relationship, but from my perspective it's much more like it's a responsibility for her. She thinks I'm good looking, and tells the kids she thinks that, but it doesn't translate into attraction, or affection. I really do try with this, especially considering the self-esteem thing. But I get brushed off or dismissed pretty frequently. Things I've done in the past haven't helped though (same goes for her, just mine are more recent).

We've been together for almost 8 years, married for 6. We try and do a proper date night at least every two nights and it's a set arrangement, no instigators! But if we can grab an hour alone just to go to the gym I'm the evening or something, we'll do that too

The little things? It's hard to think off the top of my head but there's so much! Bringing me tea in bed, taking the kids out weekend mornings so I can get a lie-in, buying me something because he thought I'd like it! For him, I like to give random massages, grab his favourite treats in the shop, fill up the car with petrol haha

I'm a sahm so I do most of the household tasks but he is very helpful. He does a lot on the weekends and helps getting the kids up/to bed.

Expectations: just love and support! And so yes, that means I can talk to him about anything. He knows things about me I never thought I would share. He surprises me because of how much he genuinely loves and cares about me. He anticipates my needs, he checks in on me, he can tell if I'm upset even ineffective im trying to hide it. I always thought i was a closed book but he can read me scarily easily.
Sometimes I forget we're two married adults with kids, because we're always sneaking kissing and flirting with each other. I feel very lucky and grateful. He's my best friend and my partner in crime.

He's not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, and neither am I. But we work on our flaws together, which I think makes all the difference

I know the feeling OP- when I was in my first relationship I used to constantly think ‘is this it?’. We didn’t argue, and my friends all did, so I took that to mean our relationship was good- it was not. It was boring and empty and we had nothing to say to each other. Your intuition is correct- leave and find the right guy for you.