Aibu to be getting stressed? Baby due, moving house

[pandarific]

I go on mat leave end of the month, due end of Oct - am knackered but hanging in there.

Bloody house that we are meant to be buying (going from 1 bed flat to 3 bed house) we still haven't exchanged contracts on and we don't have a completion date for and I am starting to get worried. We wanted to complete mid sept and specifically chose buyers who could move quickly but this is now looking like end sept and we need to move a wall, a boiler, a waste pipe and purchase and install a new kitchen before the baby comes and Oct. (As to why we need to do this now, the kitchen is crap currently and we think it's better to get all the noisy messy work done when the baby is still in there and not exposed to noise/mess - as that sounds awful with a newborn and also it'll never get done otherwise.

I am stressing as this is my first and I want to start preparing, hire a pool and test it and potentially book in with the home birth midwives but I'm not sure if timings go against us whether we'll still be in boxes, if the boiler will be working, if the messy work will be done or if there will be dust everywhere... gah! Midwife today and I told her and she winced. Are we completely fucked with these timings?

We will have professional movers and are only going a few streets but we'll be on our own more or less - my family is in another country though my mum may come over to help, DH's family are all busy but for MIL who though wanted to help us has just had to have surgery and is out of action for a long time as she can't drive. Other pluses is we have an excellent personally recommended builder on hand, and have decided on ikea kitchen for quick easy fitting... that will help, right?!

This is my first so I'm kind of shitting myself anyway - I want a magic wand to make it all fall into place but obviously that's not going to happen. Realistically we will have a month if I deliver on or around due date to sort the house as best we can... how worried would you be?

Honest opinion? Babies come when they are ready, you may go two weeks over or you may go early. I was 3 weeks early on both of mine. Don’t bank on your due date, you went to be prepared and ready ideally before then.

Arrghh noooo. What if I go into labour on completion day when we're trying to move?!

There's really nothing I can do except hassle all legal people to do everything as quickly as possible is there?

Focusing on "having" to do all the work before the baby is born is the cause of your stress.

Sometimes these things don't happen as we want them to. Babies don't worry about noise. They just accept it. If there's drilling or hoovers or whatever, they just don't care as long as they're with you.

You ask how worried others would be...honestly, as a 45 year old with two children who are 14 and 10....I wouldn't be worried at all.

I've been facing homelessness before now....as a parent. That's far more worrying than a potentially messy, loud house which I own.

We moved house when I was 36+6 and I ended up having a section at 38+6. I was also admitted to the antenatal ward at 37 weeks until my section. Once I managed to accept that I had no real control over either when we moved or when the baby arrived I felt a lot better.

Are you paying your movers to pack for you? We did and I thoroughly recommend it and it was well worth the money. They came and started packing one day, finished packing and moved us the following.

Hopefully you'll make it in in time to do your kitchen but is the kitchen liveable with if not? I decided as long as we had the bate minimum unpacked everything else could wait. DH did a sterling job of finishing the unpacking, putting up pictures etc whilst I was in hospital.

I hope you manage to get things sorted.

Kitchen is liveable-ish - I thought the drilling etc would be really frightening/upsetting for a newborn plus dust and so on not being any good for them, but maybe I'm over-worrying about that.

We weren't going to use the packing service but actually it's a good shout, thank you. that sounds a lot easier than two weeks worth of late nights after we've both been at work all day!

A newborn won't care about drilling - they are very sleepy the first few weeks. If it wasn't so outing, I would post the video I took of DD2 at 4wo - sound asleep while the Builders in the flat underneath us were using a pneumatic drill to pull up the marble floor I didn't sleep though!

We moved into said flat 5 days before my induction. Everything that needed to be done - our room, the toddler's room - was ready by then. DH built the cot and change table the morning I came home. There was no point stressing about it as that was the way it had to be! She's 3mo now and her room still isn't properly sorted but she's in with us anyway and there's loads of time yet. I really wouldn't panic.

I’d leave the kitchen until the New Year. You are trying to squeeze too much inand it will stress you out.

I think you're right to get the mess work done whilst baby is inside, if you can. I would have the same worries about the dust.
I suggest you look for professional cleaning companies, because you don't want to be cleaning builder's dust etc at that stage.

As long as the baby has a bed, it really doesn't need much else. We were almost in the same position, DH wouldn't buy anything for the baby until we had moved. A couple of weeks after (and a couple of weeks before due date) I stamped my foot and we got the cot up. We had to buy the display version of the buggy as DH didn't believe you needed so long to order one! We moved across country though.

You will be fine OP. All you need for a newborn is hot water and a cosy room. It might not be living the magazine dream but whatever happens you and baby will be ok. Take care. Keep us posted

Don't panic, you need to accept that it could go either way. When our first was born we were in the middle of a huge renovation, the windows were all taken out when she was a week old and it was snowing outside! We finished the house when she was about two and then were in the middle of a large extension when our second was born. It's totally doable. Our little baby is four months now and it's all been worth it, the house is finally finished. And to be honest baby photos in the middle of all the chaos are quite amusing to look back on! Focus on the exciting lead up to your baby's arrival and don't spoil it by worrying. Good luck x

It’s not great but ...
Recently had a kitchen done and a wall moved with a 2 year old and that was BAD. We just had to spend all our waking hours outside the house because of all the dust and it was so hard to try to explain not to touch anything. And also because two year olds eat food constantly that was also a challenge “cooking” with no kitchen. Obviously adults can get takeaway and just eat cold stuff for a few weeks and again understand why.
I’d rather do it with a newborn.

Oh and a PP’s idea of professional cleaners the day after te work is done is a good one.

Just to add, have you provisionally booked the builders and planned the new kitchen etc? If not then it's highly unlikely to be completed. We got an Ikea kitchen and even that took weeks to plan and get delivered and fitted, and builders book up quite a bit in advance.

We moved into our new house two days after dd was born, completed on the day I went into labour. I was gutted as I had wanted a home birth and had to go to hospital as my parents weren't happy with me giving birth at their house, but we had to move back to our home town when I was around 6 months pregnant as MIL sadly died unexpectedly so I was prepared for things to not go as we had planned. Those two days gave my DM and DP time to clean the house top to toe before DD and I moved in which was invaluable. We didn't even finish unpacking before we moved again, my only tip would be do that stuff when you have a newborn that can be safely put down while you get on with it, once they are moving around it's impossible. I did the majority of my labour at 'home', I was 8cm dilated when we got to hospital and I discharged myself the next day so I wasn't in for long thankfully. You'll be fine either way OP, just pay for as many services as you can to make it easier for yourself.

Don’t panic. This is not a disaster, just a “chuck some money at it and it will all be ok” situation.

So:

• use the packing service from your movers. It is 100% worth it. We did when we moved with a toddler. The day before our move I let the packers in, took toddler out to lunch and soft play and when we got back everything was packed (apart from the beds the kettle/mugs and our overnight bag - top tip - put anything you don’t want packed in the bathroom with a post it note on the door reminding the movers that stuff is staying).
• pro cleaners - again, worth it.
• if you have to have the kitchen fitted once little one is here, consider a hotel for a few nights while the worst of the banging and dust and drilling happen. Or are there any friends you could go to during the day? We had a bathroom refit with a newborn which was fine. Just went out to family or friends during the day.

Plan for the worst, hope for the best. I am about to move and had all these grandiose plans but now it’s like, as soon as floor has been fitted we are moving. It will mean the first month will be taken up with walls being painted and a kitchen being fitted but it I’d rather have temporary inconvenience than three weeks of high blood pressure.

Focus on the things you have some control over and have contingencies in place for varying scenarios, it’s better to different eventualities than to have a last minute scramble.

If it’s stressing you out just take a step make and let dh take over arrangements. By the sounds of it you can’t control the moving date that much as you’re waiting for buyers and you definitely can’t control when baby comes so why stress over it. My ds3 came 4 weeks early by emcs and spent 2 weeks in neonatal, afterwards I couldn’t do anything I was in so much pain - you literally can not plan these things

^^ step back

Thank you all, you've calmed me down!

To the pp who asked, our builder is 'soft' booked - he knows our timelines and is coming with me to new house next week to do a quote for us, so we know how much and he knows what's required. Ikea kitchen - we have two plans made using their app thing, one if we can move the wall, one if we can't - apparently delivery can take up to 10 days but I understand we could just go and pick it up assuming all of the bits were in stock.

I literally forgot hotels/friends/family were a 'thing' when I was thinking about baby + building works. That's a good idea too.

Hello guys - I could really use a handhold. We are supposed to exchange end of this week and complete the end of the month.. but I am now very pregnant and seriously anxious about this. Our buyer is well aware the whole reason their lower offer was accepted was that they were a first time buyer and would move quickly, but their solicitor has been being difficult and stringing it out.

Our buyer's solicitor is arguing that our front internal door is not demised as part of our flat - our solicitor thinks he is, essentially, being ridiculous (this was never an issue when we bought the flat), but we escalated to our solicitor's bosses, who said the plans are a 'bit confusing' so they could see why the solicitor was querying. Buyer's solicitor wants us to contact our freeholder and change the lease plan, which will take months and months as our freeholders have never ever responded to anything we have ever sent them - we have no time, we simply can't wait, even with completion date as is I'll be 37 weeks and at term the week after we move.

If we miss this completion date - which we had to fight for, after they suggested end Oct, again knowing full well we went with them as a buyer to move quickly, and why that was - the worst case scenario is we lose our new house, and all of the money for fees, surveys, and the mortgage we secured. We'll have to stay in our flat which is up two flights of stairs, with a new bunch of students underneath us who unlike the last lovely bunch are utter cunts - door slamming so hard the floor shakes, smoking directly under our windows, loud people over from 8-3am thurs-sat complete with shitty techno, SPITTING PHLEGM outside under our windows (wtf why would you do that?!)

We've offered our buyer indemnity insurance, we've told them they are welcome to apply to change the lease plans after we've moved but this fecking solicitor has been ducking us since Thursday. We're going through our estate agents tomorrow to issue an ultimatum to the buyer - either the faffing stops tomorrow and we agree a mutual sensible way forward which doesn't endanger our dates, or our place goes back on the market - leveraging that she has also put fees, survey costs into this purchase. But, I'm so nervous.

I'm still working full time. NCT class is all 'nesting!' 'hynobirthing!' 'oxytocin!' 'getting things ready!' 'pregnancy yoga!' and... this is not my life right now and I am just a bit gutted. I feel guilty I haven't been able to do any of those things, but my brain is too full - it's one third work, one third house move, one third baby - and the baby third is the scariest one so I'm putting it off. I am trying to stay cool, and doing as much along with DH as we can, but these fucking fuckers are fucking us around and I'm so worried it's all going to fall through and we'll have to start the whole process all over again, with a new baby, in a tiny unsuitable flat, and mortgage application issues due to mat leave, or I'll have to go back to work early which I really, really don't want to do.

I'm trying to keep my head straight and not get too wound up about it, but it's also that we've both worked so hard to make the right decisions ever since I got pregnant, just the endless talking and thinking and considering. First whether to move, then where to move, then which house, then getting our place ready and selling it, then exhausting process of getting mortgage, then sorting surveys, solicitors, paperwork, being as organised and doing as much up front as we possibly can, booking in builders, trying to scrape any potential family help at right time, on and on - and then it's all in jeopardy anyway. And I'm knackered and get exhausted at the drop of a hat now - I just don't think I have it in me to do it all again.

Sorry for the brain dump - hopefully it won't all go as tits up as it could. I'm going to try not to think about that possibility. Hopefully everything will be fine.

Please can anyone help? We have heard from the estate agent who has said we need to get the plans of our flat amended or the mortgage company for the buyer can't give her the mortgage - she also said we can't put it back on the market because we can't sell it. This was not an issue when we bought the flat three years ago, how can I suddenly have changed so much?!

They want us to amend the plans which we can do, but we then need our freeholder to sign off on these and they never ever respond to anything - and our managing agent is crap and takes weeks to do anything.

I can't believe this has taken so long to come to light - and nobody seems to give a shit that with this delay we could lose everything - all our hard work, our new house, our mortgage. I'm so upset. Fuckers.

Aww OP.

Try not to stress. It’s not good for you or the baby.

The worst case scenario, whilst it isn’t what you want, is not all that bad (in terms of life crises). Even if you lose the house, which will be gutting - I know, your baby spend it’s early days in a warm, safe home whilst you sort out your next plan of action.

It’s sounds to me like you have to give your buyer the ultimatum - at least you’ll know one way or another then.

Re. nesting, preparing, NCT etc.

My first was born amidst the chaos of a big house and city move. We ended up having to move into a tiny damp flat instead of our lovely big house. It was fine. I was so distracted by the new baby that anywhere safe and warm within the realms of amazon prime delivery was enough.

Sorry, I just read your update. So the move is definitely off? Well - whilst it’s a massive letdown, can you focus on mentally preparing for the baby in your current place?

Hopefully you will look back at this time from a comfy sofa in a lovely new house in a year and wonder what you were so stressed about.

Not definitely - that's what I'm finding so hard. I can't prep, I can't plan as I don't know wtf is going to happen. I don't know how delayed we'll be so I don't know if we'll lose our new house.

I don't know what address to give my midwife for the home birth, I don't know if I'll be contending with the shitty students underneath banging and playing techno when I'm up with the baby, I don't know if I'll need to get up two flights of stairs with stitches or if we'll be in boxes in the new house or anything right now.

It's just not FAIR (cries).

We moved within a month of both our children being born, in foreign countries. When our youngest was born we were in Germany. No kitchen, no lighting, furniture due on a holiday...