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Original poster

Custody Case/Please help

60 replies

nonameimagination · 30/08/2018 15:33

Ok so I've had to name change and I know this isn't the right place to post but desperately hoping for some good advice.

My brother and his girlfriend had a baby 7 years ago when they were in their early 20's, they weren't married. His girlfriend hated being a mum no pnd or anything just missed being young free and single Hmm.
Anyway she let when their dd was 10 months old and moved literally right up the other end of the country, she visited once when their dd was 3 and will send the odd Christmas/birthday card but to be honest doesn't usually bother.
2 weeks ago she comes back and tells my brother she is pregnant and married. She told my brother she wants her dd back as she is ready to have her own family now. Obviously my brother refuses so she tells him he isn't their dd's real father, he thought she was lying just to get what she wants but it turns out he isn't dd's father - he knew she had cheated on him but didn't know when so had no idea dd might not be his.
What is he supposed to do now? Will he have any chance of winning custody even though he isn't her biological dad, he is on her birth certificate and she has his name. I feel really sorry for my niece we all love her so much and now she might be taken away to go and live with a woman she doesn't even know.
Sorry this is such a long post but does anyone know where my brother will stand/have any advice?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 30/08/2018 15:36

Oh OP - what a terrible situation. I’ve no
Advice other than consulting a solicitor I’m afraid.

That poor child. What a poor excuse for a mother she has.

ChocOrCheese · 30/08/2018 15:37

I have no idea but I would have thought that the child would be asked for her views (obviously in a manner appropriate for a 7 year old) and I would have thought your brother would have a reasonable chance to get custody. He needs to see a solicitor ASAP.

nellly · 30/08/2018 15:37

Yes there is a chance and I Say this having worked in family law for years. He needs a good lawyer ASAP.

Dermymc · 30/08/2018 15:37

You need a solicitor quickly. Definitely keep her for now and follow the legal process.

LeroyJenkins · 30/08/2018 15:38

Oh crikey, I don't know and would definitely advise seeing a solicitor

PilarTernera · 30/08/2018 15:47

He is her real father by virtue of having lived with her and raised her for 7 years.

Has she started court proceedings? A court will consider what is in the best interests of the child. He needs to see a solicitor specialising in family law.

You might want to get this moved to Legal Matters for more informed advice.

FASH84 · 30/08/2018 15:49

There is a chance as he has the only established parental relationship with the child, he needs a specialist solicitor quickly.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 30/08/2018 15:53

Is this in England? There is no such thing as custody in the UK, parents have rights and responsibilities. So unless a court was to remove the mothers rights (unlikely) then she is allowed to have contact with her child.

The question is how much contact your brother gets, if any. Given the mother lives at the other end of the country, is married and has another child on the way it seems likely the DD would have to go live with her and the best your brother could get is a right to visit her.

cathcath2 · 30/08/2018 16:02

Hi OP, yes there is a chance that he would get custody as I would imagine he has parental responsibility in law (he is on the birth certificate after all) BUT you need a solicitor NOW!
There is one thing though - are you sure he isn't her biological father? Does he have any proof? The 'mother' has lied before! She will have to prove this to get him removed from the birth certificate.
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/652392/How_to_Apply_for_a_Correction_to_Remove_Father_s_Details_V5.0.pdf

NewUserNameTime · 30/08/2018 16:12

That sounds so stressful. Guy agree he should engage a solicitor as a first step & then follow their guidance in relation to whether he should undertake DNA testing. I wish him & his DD all the bestThanks

Hidillyho · 30/08/2018 16:39

I’m sure he has parental responsibility. I would imagine that he has good chance of keeping residency of her. Does he have proof that the mother hasn’t been in her daughters life for the majority of her life?

Definitely get legal help ASAP

Original poster
nonameimagination · 30/08/2018 16:44

Thanks everyone, yes we are sure he is not the biological father as he took a home dna test but he hasn't told dd's mum that yet. Also no she hasn't started court proceedings yet as she is giving him 'time to think about things'. He hasn't contacted a solicitor yet either because he's desperately hoping she will change her mind and not go to court, he also doesn't want anyone to know about the dna test but I guess the court will order one when proceedings start anyway.

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 30/08/2018 16:52

Oh how awful for you all. I'm guessing he wants to keep DD regardless of this news which makes him an outstanding person. Def follow advice and get a solicitor stat. Also let her take him to court- this means court costs must be paid by her and will save him that side of the cash.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/08/2018 16:57

Walkingdeadfangirl

Its not a done deal that the mother would get custody/residence of the child.

PrincessAvaR · 30/08/2018 17:01

Firstly, can I just say what an amazing man your brother sounds! Not only did he step up and bring up his daughter alone for the last 7 years, but even after the devastating discovery that she is not his biologically he is still willing to fight for what's best for that little girl and keep her with him!

I can't offer you any advice I'm afraid except to say that I think your brother needs to contact a solicitor ASAP and find out what his rights are, but just wanted to say how sorry I am for your brother and how amazing I think he is x

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:05

He needs a solicitor immediately and no further engagement with his ex. It should all be dealt with through solicitors now. He shouldn’t tell her anything. Not that he did the DNA test or that he is using a solicitor. His solicitor will write to her and inform her that she is to direct all communication via them, not your brother. The poor guy!

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:06

Firstly, can I just say what an amazing man your brother sounds! Not only did he step up and bring up his daughter alone for the last 7 years

That’s just parenting. Nothing amazing about it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 17:08

Solicitor fast. I would hope given she deserted her baby all those years ago with a man she knew wasn't her biological father would go very much against her. Obviously no idea though what will happen.

Your poor brother and the little girl. Really hope things work out well for them both OP.

Were SS ever involved with the mother at any time when she lived with the baby?

sparklepops123 · 30/08/2018 17:15

He needs to see a solicitor ASAP, there's no point in waiting to see if she changes her mind, she might and then she might again.

BlueBug45 · 30/08/2018 17:15

He's best to find out now what the likely outcomes are and what rights he has if he isn't her bio father.

I do know someone whose step-daughter lives with him about 80% of the time but the situation is different as it was always known she was his step-daughter as he married her mum when she was about 3. When they split up the girl was old enough to say who she wanted to live with. She currently has contact with both bio parents, and due to being an older teenager can say how much contact she wants with them.

Dermymc · 30/08/2018 17:16

Firstly, can I just say what an amazing man your brother sounds! Not only did he step up and bring up his daughter alone for the last 7 years

That’s just parenting. Nothing amazing about it.

That's more than parenting when the child isn't his.

Original poster
nonameimagination · 30/08/2018 17:18

duck no social services were never involved.
yes we are desperate to keep her, she means the world to my brother, me and our parents.
My mum was adopted yet me and my brother were incredibly close to our grandparents so we know biology isn't everything, the main reason he is devastated isn't because they don't share the same dna its because he may lose her.

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:19

Yes but he believed it was his child, so yes, just normal parenting of your own child that we would (and some of us have!) all do if our partner walked out.

PrincessAvaR · 30/08/2018 17:21

@Dermymc Exactly! That's the point I was trying to make Smile and that's the amazing part.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 17:24

No it’s not because he thought she was his!