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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work question

60 replies

ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 14:23

I was wondering if you could give me your honest opinion.

Jane is a supervisor in a smallish office (20 people or so). She has a partner, John.

About a year ago Jane and Sandra were talking about John's best friend Fred. As the conversation progressed, Sandra realised that she knew Fred from some years ago - 5 or 6 years ago - maybe longer.

They had a casual relationship (sex) and things fizzled out, nothing much to report from Sandra.

However Jane mentioned that John had told her that Fred was looking for a job and that there was one going in the office. Sandra said "oh gosh no, that would be way too awkward. I'd have to leave if he started working here!"

As it turned out, Fred din't apply for the job in the end as he found something else anway.

A few months later, some stuff happened in the work place and Sandra made a low level complaint about Jane and other staff members.HR were involved but the complaint was rejected.

Sandra and Jane have since reconciled and are civil to each other and are pretty much back to the way they used to be prior to the incidents that led to the complaint.

Jane has received a CV from Fred, the company has just won a massive contract and are very very busy, interviewing lots of potantial candidates.

The CV came via the recruitment agency they use and has been sent to all managers. Jane has not told any other managers about the Sandra and Fred business as does not believe this should be common knowledge, however she has told Sandra that she has no option but to interview him as the needs of the business must come first.

Is Jane BU to go ahead with this, knowing it will make Sandra feel super awkward. Or is Sandra BU for threatening to leave if he is taken on.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 14:26

Jane cannot discriminate against Fred on the basis of him being an ex of Sandra's.

If Fred gets the job, and Sandra chooses to leave, that is up to her.

CrazyDuchess · 30/08/2018 14:28

Sandra is BVU

marriedwithhounds · 30/08/2018 14:29

It seems unfair to penalise Fred for having a shag with Sandra literally years ago!!! Fred should get an interview as he's done nothing wrong. Sandra needs to grow up.

stevie69 · 30/08/2018 14:35

Jane cannot discriminate against Fred on the basis of him being an ex of Sandra's.

She probably can: legally. I'm not convinced that one's 'relationship status with Sandra' is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act. But I'm not an expert and am prepared to be corrected.

nornironrock · 30/08/2018 14:41

Sandra should grow up.

Jane has a duty to her employer to hire the best person for the job. If she overlooks someone she knows to be a good candidate on account of Sandra acting like a schoolchild, she should be disciplined.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 15:02

Jane is just concerned because of the way Sandra worded it to her previously I would leave and doesn't want to be accused of doing this on purpose.

To clarify, Jane has only met Fred once and had instructed the agency to not treat him any differently from any other candidate. He would only get through on his own merit, whch turns out he has.

Jane is now scared to tell Sandra.

She knows she has no obligation to, but feels she deserves a heads up.

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 30/08/2018 15:04

To be honest, this will end badly if Fred is employed, so why even start down that route.

Yes, a bit tough on Fred, but he will survive!

ilovesooty · 30/08/2018 15:05

If Sandra wants to leave it's up to her. Her past personal relationships are not relevant to the company and who it chooses to employ.

topcat2014 · 30/08/2018 15:09

The thing is, all messengers are shot in my company so that would be bad for Jane.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 15:17

Interesting opinions. Thank you everyone

OP posts:
FASH84 · 30/08/2018 15:22

@Stevie69
I'm not convinced that one's 'relationship status with Sandra' is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act.
😂😂😂😂😂

ShartGoblin · 30/08/2018 15:24

I would suggest that Jane speak to HR about the whole situation as they would be better placed to comment on the best way to proceed. I don't think all of the responsibility to deal with this should be on her when HR exist to deal with difficult personal situations like this.

FuckPants · 30/08/2018 15:26

Sandra needs to grow up and let it go.

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 15:27

I'm guessing you're Jane?

Either way, whoever Jane is she has behaved correctly. Fred cannot be discriminated against because he once shagged Sandra, and if Sandra chooses to leave becayse she can't work with him that's her business.

I would simply inform Jane he has been employed, that the company cannot discriminate against people based on their previous sex lives. The expectation is both employees behave professionally and keep their private lives out of it.

TroubledLichen · 30/08/2018 15:28

Sandra needs to grow up. The CV has come via a recruiter and Jane is being fair by treating it exactly the same as any other application. It would be ridiculous if a business decision was made on the basis of who Sandra shagged 5+ years ago...
I also think it would be inappropriate to tell Sandra at this stage, she’s not part of the hiring process and presumably wouldn’t normally be consulted on candidates. So again, things shouldn’t be done differently because of her sex life. But Jane shouldn’t have to deal with this situation alone, she should have the support of senior management and HR.

Oldraver · 30/08/2018 15:31

If I were Jane, I wouldn't tell Sandra at all. He may even not get the job

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 16:16

I would suggest that Jane speak to HR about the whole situation as they would be better placed to comment on the best way to proceed

Jane approached HR and advised of the whole situation. They said Sandra would have zero case and he would be employed on his own merit.

The problem with not telling Sandra is that when Fred turns up for his interview he will be sat very close to Sandra whilst he awaits his interview. Jane knows Sandra knows Jane knows who he is lol

OP posts:
Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 16:20

Senior management think it's none of Sandra's business and we have no obligation to mention it at all.

OP posts:
HaveSomeGrace · 30/08/2018 16:33

You know all the fine details, you’re definitely Jane op!

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 16:37

Haha yes, yes I am :)

OP posts:
HaveSomeGrace · 30/08/2018 16:41

You’re being fair though and as pp have said, if Sandra decides to quit if Fred is hired, that’s her prerogative.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 16:46

I am just concerned that she is going to be really difficult about it. She is a drama Llama and made complaints over not being invited to a colleagues wedding..

OP posts:
ShartGoblin · 30/08/2018 16:49

Oh sod Sandra, let her quit then. I don't think you can say anything if senior management say it's none of her business. If she wants to quit her job over something that should have been forgotten years ago that's her problem not yours. I would be very interested to know what on earth happened that she's still not over but then I've always been a bit nosy Grin

HaveSomeGrace · 30/08/2018 16:52

At the end of the day it’s not her choice. She’s entitled to be annoyed but business is business as they say (unless she was a really senior bod then it’d be a different story but she’d be able to ditch his application beforehand anyway!). Plus how many people are on the panel? It’s more than one persons decision. And as HR rightly say, he will be employed on his own merit if he’s suitable.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 30/08/2018 16:53

I am just concerned that she is going to be really difficult about it. She is a drama Llama and made complaints over not being invited to a colleagues wedding..

In which case everyone will cheer if she resigns.

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