Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work question

60 replies

ChipsNotDaddy · 30/08/2018 14:23

I was wondering if you could give me your honest opinion.

Jane is a supervisor in a smallish office (20 people or so). She has a partner, John.

About a year ago Jane and Sandra were talking about John's best friend Fred. As the conversation progressed, Sandra realised that she knew Fred from some years ago - 5 or 6 years ago - maybe longer.

They had a casual relationship (sex) and things fizzled out, nothing much to report from Sandra.

However Jane mentioned that John had told her that Fred was looking for a job and that there was one going in the office. Sandra said "oh gosh no, that would be way too awkward. I'd have to leave if he started working here!"

As it turned out, Fred din't apply for the job in the end as he found something else anway.

A few months later, some stuff happened in the work place and Sandra made a low level complaint about Jane and other staff members.HR were involved but the complaint was rejected.

Sandra and Jane have since reconciled and are civil to each other and are pretty much back to the way they used to be prior to the incidents that led to the complaint.

Jane has received a CV from Fred, the company has just won a massive contract and are very very busy, interviewing lots of potantial candidates.

The CV came via the recruitment agency they use and has been sent to all managers. Jane has not told any other managers about the Sandra and Fred business as does not believe this should be common knowledge, however she has told Sandra that she has no option but to interview him as the needs of the business must come first.

Is Jane BU to go ahead with this, knowing it will make Sandra feel super awkward. Or is Sandra BU for threatening to leave if he is taken on.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Gersemi · 30/08/2018 17:50

It sounds like the firm is about to grow to quite a major extent. Surely Sandra can be a grown-up and keep out of Fred's way?

MeyMary · 30/08/2018 18:15

Jane is just concerned because of the way Sandra worded it to her previously I would leave and doesn't want to be accused of doing this on purpose.

Jane should interview Fred.

And should hire him if he is indeed the best candidate for the job.

She should be fine (as long as her choice is backed up by clearly comprehensible criteria)...?

MeyMary · 30/08/2018 18:16

Sandra is however free to leave if she feels like that's necessary.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 30/08/2018 18:22

Sandra needs to grow up

HisBetterHalf · 30/08/2018 19:21

does Fred know Jane works there? Why does Jane feel she has to leave if Fred gets employed there? He has probably already forgotten her anyway Grin

HisBetterHalf · 30/08/2018 19:22

Oops meant Sandra not Jane

GenericHamster · 30/08/2018 19:35

Sandra won't leave. She was just bullshitting. Probably...

SilverySurfer · 30/08/2018 20:05

If Fred is the best candidate for the job then he should be hired and Sandra will have to do whatever she wishes. You can't have a situation where one or more members of staff are allowed to have any impact on recruiting because of past relationships..

(Assuming you are Jane) I would say to Sandra that you wanted her to be aware that Fred has been shortlisted to be interviewed. It's then entirely up to her to decide on how she will deal with that - either behaving like an adult or throwing her toys out of the pram and looking for a new job - it doesn't sound like you will miss her much if it's the latter.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 31/08/2018 09:45

does Fred know Jane works there? Why does Jane feel she has to leave if Fred gets employed there? He has probably already forgotten her anyway

Fred has been told by John. He knows they had a thing but he described it horribly as a nothing :/ John also cant remember Fred talking about her. And they share a lot of things. Fred said he recalls that Sandra was into drugs at the time and wasn't fussed on her.

Maybe this is why she is edgy.

Sandra said Fred is very nice but it just fizzled out quickly.

I will not be involved in the interview as do not want to be seen as being biased. I have told Management that I am connected to one of the interviewees that day but have not told them which one so that they can make an honest decision!

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 31/08/2018 09:56

Sandra and Fred should both be capable of behaving professionally about a liaison that was over years ago - and by all appearances sounds like it ended amicably!

I have an entirely different work situation coming to a head today, with a staff member leaving because they didn't like how our HR rep handled a meeting with them. Like you, OP, HR handled the situation to the letter. Our 'Sandra' has been a melodramatic pain in the arse, resigned 'on principle' (the principle being that she didn't believe she should be treated equally with other people... Hmm), and has refused all offers of company support in the matter, whilst whining to anyone who'll listen about 'how they were treated'. Ridiculously, in terms of her work, she was due a substantial pay rise!

The Sandra's of the world quite frankly don't deserve professional advancement if they can't handle the behavioural side of things.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 03/09/2018 09:18

Well today is the day that I am going to break the news to Sandra. Any advice on how to word it would be great.

I am feeling fluey and fragile and rather quite anxious about this!

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 03/09/2018 09:26

I am not sure Sandra can be told since selection processes are supposed to be confidential.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 03/09/2018 09:31

Really? HR told me I could give her a heads up?

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 03/09/2018 09:35

I’d check again what the rules say, or ask them to recheck. It wouldn’t be allowed where I work.

makingmammaries · 03/09/2018 09:36

It’s not like she has any genuine conflict of interest here, so on what grounds would she be allowed to have inside knowledge?

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 09:41

Have they told you that you could or that you should do that?

I don't know how likely him getting hired actually is but if the company ends up hiring someone else you'll have opened that can of worms for no reason at all. She might also be a bit upset about HR even knowing about it...

I'd let HR tell her and keep schtumm. But that's just me...

Or are you her direct supervisor? (I haven't read the whole thread...)

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 03/09/2018 09:56

I am her direct supervisor.

Also, Sandra will see him come into the interview as the waiting area is in her office. So It's not like I have the option of not saying anything unless he gets hired.

This is the problem!

OP posts:
Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 03/09/2018 09:57

I can't let HR tell her otherwise she will know I have spoken about her sex life really and I could never do that to someone. Managers are prepared to act like they know nothing.

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 03/09/2018 10:00

It is not her legitimate business. Here, if she tried to raise that kind of issue, she’d be reminded of her professional obligations which include working with people one doesn’t like or feels uncomfortable with. Do you have a legal department?

reddressblueshoes · 03/09/2018 10:03

I would be very annoyed if I were being interviewed by a company and they were letting people outside of that selection process know who the candidates were.

You aren't interviewing him, ideally I'd have stayed out of selection as well but I really would stay away from this and definitely wouldn't give her a heads up. It's making it a live issue, I'd be quite vague if she raised it and just say 'oh I've excused myself from the selection as I know Fred, I guess we'll find out when they announce who has been successful.' Generally though in situations like this it's best practise to have interviews off-site or in a room that isn't accessible
To everyone- my old company insisted interviews were on a different floor to the team being recruited for.

I would be very wary of your HR advise that it's ok to reveal to an employee who is not involved in selection who a candidate is- are you sure they didn't mean giving her a heads up if he's appointed?

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 10:04

Ah... Tell her casually?
"We'll be doing an other round of interviews today. I think you actually know one of the candidates."

-"Oh really?"/"what's their name?"/other likely answer.

"His name is Fredrick Browny, he seems like a great candidate. Anyhow, I really need to make a call..."

Or you could just not say anything? Her knowing won't change anything and won't have an impact on this interview.
She may end worrying over nothing/something she can't change...

You could also tell her quite honestly that you usually wouldn't say anything but that you decided to mention it on account of your great working relationship and respect for her...

LakieLady · 03/09/2018 10:05

Sandra is being very immature. You've done the right thing by not taking part in the recruitment. Employers should appoint whoever's best for the job.

Imagine if everyone took the "Sandra" stance regarding everyone they'd ever shagged. You'd be scared to appoint anyone!

Where I work, people have had ex-partners appointed to the same team as themselves, and been offered a switch to a different team or suck it up.

MeyMary · 03/09/2018 10:06

But I personally would do my very best to not get personally involved in things like this.

She does not have the right to know and that is ultimately the bottom line. I feel like everything else might make things a bit... murky.

Original poster
ChipsNotDaddy · 03/09/2018 10:18

OK I think I am going to stay out of it then. Maybe it IS best to just say nothing?

To tell her would result in her worrying and having a horrible build up to the day. Hell, she may not even recognise him....

OP posts:
MandalaYogaTapestry · 03/09/2018 10:25

I am surprised you (Jane) went to HR and told them about Sandra's sexual history. How on earth did you think it was appropriate?? If Fred is hired, they will know that he is Sandra's ex which will surely be awkward and not really fair on her. I would assume she told you in confidence.

A shitty thing to do both as a manager and a friend.