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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not included in DH's family WhatsApp group

28 replies

Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 07:16

My DH's family have never been very fond of me mostly because we do not share the same religion.They have a family WhatsApp group which includes my DH, his siblings and their parents. I feel quite left out especially now that they post pics and videos of my baby and discuss him. When I am in a particularly foul mood i ask my DH to leave the group as they need to acknowledge that I am part of the family too. I do realise that it is a unreasonable ask and don't really expect him to follow through but I would love to hear other perspectives and thoughts on my situation esp as it really stresses me out sometimes ...AIBU?

OP posts:
CasperGutman · 30/08/2018 07:20

Does the group include his siblings' partners? If not, YABU a bit, sorry.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 07:22

What's the real reason you don't get?

Heatherjayne1972 · 30/08/2018 07:26

I’d see that as a blessing
If they’re discussing birthdays/ get together or whatever you don’t have to have any part of it
After all you know nothing- you’re not in the group - no arranging cards presents food etc - that’s all down to your dh if he doesn’t do it it doesn’t happen

Not much you can do about the baby pics being shared after all your child is your husbands child too

WipsGlitter · 30/08/2018 07:27

Agree if other partners are not on it then why would you be on it?

Curtainshopping · 30/08/2018 07:28

Are the siblings’ partners on it?

Why exactly are you bothered? Are you worried they are talking about you negatively? Surely your DH wouldn’t go along with that?

Twotailed · 30/08/2018 07:28

If siblings’ partners are included then YANBU. If they aren’t, or they don’t have any, YABU.

Trills · 30/08/2018 07:30

You ask him to leave the group?!

Kerberos · 30/08/2018 07:30

I have a group with my mum and sisters. Wouldn't be the same if their husbands were in too. Doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Oysterbabe · 30/08/2018 07:30

Yabu. There are some things that people wouldn't want to discuss with in-laws rather than just immediate family. I'm not in my DH's family group, I have no desire to hear about his parents medical problems.
We do have another group however that includes partners and where we mostly talk about the kids.

Joinourclub · 30/08/2018 07:31

I really don’t understand why this causes you stress. It’s a complete non issue imo.

Xiaoxiong · 30/08/2018 07:36

I'm sorry you feel left out but honestly YABU, not being included in a nuclear family chat group doesn't mean they don't see you as family. My parents and sibling and I have a group just for the 4 of us to discuss stuff relating mostly to admin, travel, finances, work and health stuff for my parents, without my DH or my SIL - we have a wider group for family pictures and news with SIL included, aunties, uncles and cousins and DH would be included if he wanted to be (he doesn't do WhatsApp or any social media, just looks over my shoulder at the pictures!!)

Secretsquirrel101 · 30/08/2018 07:38

Entirely depends on if the siblings partners are on there or not.

Mama2017 · 30/08/2018 07:45

I'm in a Whatsapp group with my parents and siblings .. no partners .. and yes we discuss and share photos of my son as he is their grandchild and like to see pics of him .. nothing wrong with what your partner is doing - you are being very unreasonable asking him to leave the group.

wheezing · 30/08/2018 07:48

My DP isn’t in my family WhatsApp group and I share photos of our DC in it. He doesn’t want to be in it.

Returnofthesmileybar · 30/08/2018 07:48

We had this is our family, siblings and parents and no partners, it was fine nobody posted too much and there was a nice dynamic. One sil wanted in and it really annoyed her, all we wanted was a nice small group of siblings, the other partners were happy and did the same with their own families. She eventually set up her own group, some left, some stayed, the original group continues nicely while she does exactly what we knew she would do and bombards the group with multiple photos of our nephew everyday which wrecks everyones head. So she's not in the group anyway, she came off controlling and desperate and now she just annoys everyone.

Let him have a group with his siblings, it doesn't mean you aren't part of the family but recognise that he can have a relationship with them independent of you. You aren't exactly going to make them like you more with this controlling behaviour

Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 07:57

Thank you for all your replies I do realise it is unreasonable of me. My DH's siblings don't have partners but if they did and they were included I agree that wouldn't be fair.
I think my feelings are more to do with the fact that my in-laws don't like me and I dont try to get them to like me either. I had always imagined that I would get along with many inlaws but they have had a big issue with me not agreeing to convert to their religion. I should count my blessings though DH and I love each other dearly and he is my best friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 07:57

Lol I love this perspective..thank you :)

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Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 07:59

:( I did ask him when I was upset about several other things but like I said I never expected him to follow through

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Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 08:03

This is very sensible many thanks :)

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 08:13

The WhatsApp thing doesn't matter really. There's bigger issues here that need addressing. When you say they have a big issue with you not converting to their religion, have they actually said this to you?

What did your husband say about it to his parents?

Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 08:17

They have never told me directly but told my husband before we got married..infact we had to marry at the registrar's office as they were so unhappy and constantly crying about our relationship 😐

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Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 08:19

My DH toldhis parents that if I converted he too would convert to mine Grin

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 08:22

Ok thanks for clearing that up.
How do they treat you otherwise, do they talk to you and include you? Do you have any kind of relationship with them?

Original poster
Mnuser212 · 30/08/2018 08:26

We are all polite to each other but never speak unless we are in the same place. They do do annoying things like cropping me out of pics etc ...in any case thank you for your concern I am sure over time things will get better

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 08:28

Hmm well they don't sound very nice if they're cropping you out of pictures! Your husband should pull them up for doing that imo.