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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to take her..

46 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 29/08/2018 23:03

We’ve recently booked a trip to disneyland Paris for next year, me, DP and 2 dcs. Today my 14 year old sis asked why she can’t come. I straight out told her that if she goes I won’t feel like I’m on holiday I’ll just feel like I’m at home. My mum told her she weren’t the second she asked me. The thing is we’ve took her on holidays before and she’s been an absolute nightmare. Throwing tantrums, shouting she wants her Mum whilst in public, making it look like we’ve kidnapped her. We do take her for most days out but even then she can be a right little bitch. My mum even knows what she’s like. We clash a lot because she is just one person who can’t reason about anything. She is in all terms a typical teenager and I honestly don’t want to deal without that when I’m on holiday as we have an autistic son so it will be hard enough as it is. She’s literally like jekyl and Hyde. Anything can set her off. I do feel bad in terms of her not getting proper holidays because my mum don’t travel but we’ve took her on holidays since she was 5 to aged 11. Tell me I’m not being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Fucksgiven · 29/08/2018 23:05

Yabvu to call her a bitch

Oobis · 29/08/2018 23:06

Sounds like you're very generous. Enjoy your holiday and sleep the sleep of someone with a clear conscience

moanaschicken · 29/08/2018 23:07

If you don't have responsibility for her I don't see why you have to take her?

But calling her a bitch is somewhat unfair.

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 29/08/2018 23:08

Okay maybe shouldn’t have said that but that’s the first word that comes to mind when trying to describe her behaviour.

OP posts:
MrsChollySawcutt · 29/08/2018 23:15

A simple 'No, not this time' would suffice surely?

WhiteDust · 29/08/2018 23:17

YANBU. Tell her that this holiday is for your DC and no, she can't come this time.
I would also take the opportunity to address her behaviour to a certain extent... Maybe tell her that you know she doesn't always 'enjoy' going away with you, that she doesn't always get on with you whilst away (in other words, she plays up) but maybe she can come away another time if she would like.

You need to stop this expectation. You are not obliged to include her every time you go away.

HollowTalk · 29/08/2018 23:17

I'd tell her she couldn't, but also tell her why she couldn't - it's not just your other children, it's the way she behaves. At 14 she's old enough to be able to behave properly. Could your mum pay for her to go on a school holiday?

Singlenotsingle · 29/08/2018 23:19

She needs to learn that choices have consequences. She chose to ruin a holiday for everyone, so the consequence is she doesn't get invited on this one! Fair enough?

halesie · 29/08/2018 23:25

OP are you sure your sister doesn't have SEN? All of the things you've mentioned about her could be signs of her being overwhelmed / not coping / melting down when she's away and overstimulated. There are strong autistic genes / traits in each generation of my family and I know it can be hard to shift longstanding thoughts on how people behave but it might be worth considering.

That doesn't mean you should take her on holiday but YWBU to be unkind in the way you explain that you can't.

JellieEllie · 29/08/2018 23:25

Throwing tantrums, shouting she wants her Mum whilst in public, making it look like we’ve kidnapped her

This made me laugh out loud to be honest.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. She's your sister, not your child or your responsibility to take on holiday.
My friend is 30 and has a 9 year old sister who argues and bickers with constantly to the annoyance of their mum and dad. I don't think the age gap between siblings helps the rivalry somehow 😂 she has also been known to call her a little bitch.
It's the old rule, "I can call my mum a slag but no one else is allowed to"

IAmLordVoldemort · 29/08/2018 23:27

My mum told her she weren’t the second she asked me

What does this mean?

IAmLordVoldemort · 29/08/2018 23:28

SEN?! She sounds a typical teenage brat to me 😕

ilovesooty · 29/08/2018 23:30

It means that her mother told her she couldn't go as soon as she asked the OP. I don't see how it's hard to understand.

GruciusMalfoy · 29/08/2018 23:31

She isn't your child, you're obviously under no obligation to take her on holiday.

IAmLordVoldemort · 29/08/2018 23:32

Ok. I was just asking 😕

Maelstrop · 29/08/2018 23:34

No reason you should take her, sod that for a lark!

tinstar · 29/08/2018 23:35

Ok. I was just asking

Or having a sly dig at the OP's grammar? The meaning is perfectly clear.

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 29/08/2018 23:36

She may well be SEN , I’ve said this on many occasions however my mum just thinks she’s a miserable normal teenager. I can’t force her to look into it.

OP posts:
IAmLordVoldemort · 29/08/2018 23:38

What I wasn’t having a dig at anyone?! It just wasn’t clear to me. I don’t care about anyone’s grammar 😕

tinstar · 29/08/2018 23:41

No reason why you should feel guilty op. You're entitled to a family holiday without feeling obliged to take someone extra - especially someone who might spoil it for the rest of you.

I can see why it's difficult though when you normally take her.

dogaregreat · 29/08/2018 23:44

Yanbu to call her a bitch 14 year old girls can be bitches

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 29/08/2018 23:49

It's okay Voldemort I didn't understand that bit either Grin

Neshoma · 30/08/2018 00:08

My mum told her she wasn't the second she asked me. The thing is we’ve taken her on holidays before ...

SemperIdem · 30/08/2018 00:13

Yanbu.

As for not referring to a 14 year old as “a bitch”. Well I remember being 14 and I was a bitchy fucking nightmare. Given your general genorosity I imagine you referring to her as such is venting rather than how you speak to her face to face.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 30/08/2018 01:04

Christ, there's a woman here who is clearly exasperated and all people can do is crow about her use of language.

YANBU on all counts. You are allowed to call your sister a bitch, you don't owe her a holiday and most importantly, your owns son's happiness and enjoyment comes first. Stay resolute.