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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to take her..

46 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 29/08/2018 23:03

We’ve recently booked a trip to disneyland Paris for next year, me, DP and 2 dcs. Today my 14 year old sis asked why she can’t come. I straight out told her that if she goes I won’t feel like I’m on holiday I’ll just feel like I’m at home. My mum told her she weren’t the second she asked me. The thing is we’ve took her on holidays before and she’s been an absolute nightmare. Throwing tantrums, shouting she wants her Mum whilst in public, making it look like we’ve kidnapped her. We do take her for most days out but even then she can be a right little bitch. My mum even knows what she’s like. We clash a lot because she is just one person who can’t reason about anything. She is in all terms a typical teenager and I honestly don’t want to deal without that when I’m on holiday as we have an autistic son so it will be hard enough as it is. She’s literally like jekyl and Hyde. Anything can set her off. I do feel bad in terms of her not getting proper holidays because my mum don’t travel but we’ve took her on holidays since she was 5 to aged 11. Tell me I’m not being unreasonable.

OP posts:
agnurse · 30/08/2018 01:38

For crying out loud, she's your SISTER. Not your child, not your responsibility. If she wants a holiday she can ask your mum to take her. Or, she can wait a few years, save up her money, and take herself as an adult.

It's none of her business really where you do or don't take your own family. Your mum is responsible for her. Not you.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/08/2018 02:02

Could she be autistic too? Or just teenagerish?

Either way you do not have to take her.

dancinfeet · 30/08/2018 06:17

Did your mum offer to pay for her? I think your sister is being cheeky to even ask - DLRP is very expensive, why should you have to cover the cost of her going too? Especially considering her behaviour on previous holidays. I'd suggest that your mum take her there, on a separate holiday at a different time to when you are going.

LaContessaDiPlump · 30/08/2018 06:29

I never understand why people take issue with calling children/young people names on here - as long as you're not shouting it on their faces as well then it seems like a harmless way to vent your anger. We can't help how we feel, and in the moment I often feel like mine are a right pair of twats.....

Lizzie48 · 30/08/2018 06:39

YANBU at all. And I don't think referring to her as 'a little bitch' is all that bad tbh, it's not as if you called her that to her face.

I speak as one who has always been expected to 'look out' for my adult DB, who is 2 years older than me. This is because he has MH issues. We've had him with us on holiday and at our home. I've finally stopped doing this, as he could be quite aggressive towards my DDs and it was also like having a third DC. (Which is what it is for you, by the sound of your post.)

Go and have a great holiday with your DP and your DC. Smile

YeTalkShiteHen · 30/08/2018 06:44

YANBU on all counts. You are allowed to call your sister a bitch, you don't owe her a holiday and most importantly, your owns son's happiness and enjoyment comes first. Stay resolute.

This.

Spinningteapots · 30/08/2018 06:45

YANBU. You need to weigh up the enjoyment of everyone on the holiday v the risk of one person spoiling it for you all. If it's highly likely she'll ruin the holiday for everyone, don't take her. It sounds like too much of a special and expensive holiday to risk being ruined.

Gersemi · 30/08/2018 06:48

Christ, there's a woman here who is clearly exasperated and all people can do is crow about her use of language.

The only person who has mentioned that is tinstar, in the guise of telling someone else off.

AlmaGeddon · 30/08/2018 06:49

I've had many holidays spoiled at times by snotty DCs however they were my own and I had no option other than to take them. Grin
Definitely say no, you have the young DCs to concentrate on and don't need anyone else.

Juells · 30/08/2018 06:56

Of course you can call her a bitch, most people would!

I'd tell her she couldn't, but also tell her why she couldn't

I wouldn't bother telling her - it will just give her an opportunity to swear to be good, and persuade you to take her against your better judgement. Just say No and mean it!

tempEmails · 30/08/2018 07:10

"are you sure your sister doesn't have SEN?"

I'm disappointed we had to wait until 9 posts for this. I thought this was MN, FFS! Should have been the first reply.

OP - I don't think you're being unreasonable but I would take her in the circumstances you've described.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 30/08/2018 07:11

She's not your responsibility to take. Trust me at her age and the age of your DC they'll want to do different things and you would have needed to accommodate that so it's 100% the right decision. I recommend you join Daniel Potters Disneyland Paris Tips and/or Disneyland Paris Tips for brits groups on facebook to make sure you make the most of your holiday they have great advice on them.

No is sufficient, but if you wish to justify: age difference, family holiday, max number of persons per room and most importantly her past behaviour.

Good luck and have fun.

Childrenofthestones · 30/08/2018 07:13

dogaregreat said....
"Yanbu to call her a bitch 14 year old girls can be bitches"

We had our 6 yr old nephew for a week while his mum and dad were away on business.
To say he was a handful is an understatement.
At Chester Zoo, at a busy picnic area, we got his packed lunch out when he kicked off because we had packed the wrong crisps for him.
In a hushed embarrassed voice I said "Stop that you're acting like a brat"
He screamed out, "WAAAH....YOU CALLED ME THE 'B' WORD!!!!"
You could almost hear the collective intake of breath from everybody around us.😱
I was left looking around at parents desperately saying "Brat.....I said brat"

Pinkyyy · 30/08/2018 07:58

Perhaps explain to her that the reason why she can't go is because she hasn't earned it with the behaviour she's been showing. Let her know that this is an expensive holiday and it is a luxury and not an entitlement, just saying 'not this time' won't encourage her to realise this.

Have a magical time! DLP is one of my favourite places to go!

WhiteDust · 30/08/2018 07:59

SEN or no SEN Hmm YANBU OP.
You are not obliged to take her with you.

Returnofthesmileybar · 30/08/2018 08:07

Yanbu but I would take her in the circumstances you described ??? Why the hell would you take a stroppy teenager on holiday to ruin everyone else's fun???

Yanbu, leave the little bitch at home Wink

FrancisCrawford · 30/08/2018 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoalTit · 30/08/2018 08:15

YANBU! Please stick to your guns and don't allow a 14-year-old to control you. It sounds as if you've been too nice for your own good in the past.

Regarding the debate over the fourth sentence My mum told her she weren’t the second she asked me I was a bit confused by this, too. I think there's a word missing, such as "invited" or "going", so it would be a typo, rather than a grammar error, that's causing confusion.

ElainaElephant · 30/08/2018 08:22

Great time to show her the consequences of her actions.

Tell her that you don't enjoy the way she behaves when you are out and about sometimes, and you aren't going to deal with that when you are on holiday.

Tell her that in the future, if her behaviour improves, then you would consider taking her on holiday with you.

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 30/08/2018 15:04

When I got home from work today, my mum said to me about what was said yesterday. She said I am not obliged to take her anywhere and she doesn’t blame me as she knows (sis) will ruin the holiday.

The thing is when it’s me and her she’s fine, no issues we just joke and banter the whole time, when I have one of the kids and her it’s like they just can’t leave each other alone and world war 3 starts over the most stupidest thing. She’s the one who erupts over nothing and as she’s unreasonable there’s no reasoning with her.

Thanks everyone for your replies 😊

OP posts:
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