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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asked to borrow money again.

77 replies

Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 21:58

Don’t get me wrong because she’ll be asking again on Friday but AIBU to not lend her any tonight.

She just messaged me at 9:45 pm to ask if I could lend her £7 to get a taxi to see her therapist in the morning.
I’ve just this minute got out of the bath my hair is soaking wet and I’ve three pounds in my purse.
I’m feeling shattered and I really don’t feel like getting dressed to pop down to the cash point.
Then I’m thinking who, knowing they have somewhere to go in the morning would leave it until this late to sort it out? Was IBU TO SAY NO?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/08/2018 22:32

Why do you lend her money every week?

Stop! You’re not a bank.

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 22:33

Sooty. I messaged her back that I was skint to which she replied no probs.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 29/08/2018 22:34

You don’t have the money so say no..... she can go to the cash point instead - why should you!?

Sparklesocks · 29/08/2018 22:35

YANBU. No need to explain yourself, just be firm and decline.

Passingwords · 29/08/2018 22:36

Good for you OP - plan ahead and message back now saying that you’ve money troubles and won’t be in a position to lend again, which hopefully will mean you won’t need to say no again as she shouldn’t ask - but if she does repeat the above

lemonsorbetinthesun · 29/08/2018 22:36

So she's gotten complacent because you've helped before and now she's taken you for granted. Would wind me up.

Agree with PP about being committed. Part of that commitment is about being organised.

Think I'd only be happy to lend to a neighbour in emergency, and this is exactly why.

Never a lender or a borrower be!

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 22:36

Well I know she’s struggling so I don’t really mind lending. It’s only a tenner but it sees her through the weekend.
If she ever didn’t pay it back I wouldn’t lend it again.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 29/08/2018 22:38

Slightly off topic but why does depression stop her using a bus?

kitkatsky · 29/08/2018 22:39

£7 for a taxi is likely a 2 mile walk, which I'd say she can manage unless shes physically disabled? I've been depressed and know how that can manifest in terms of not being able to do x,y,z but often if you're in a situation where you have to do it, you swim rather than sink. Taxis are v much a luxury item. I'm fairly sure if she needed a loan to feed herself for a few days you'd be very willing

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 22:40

Panama. It’s because she supposedly hates crowds.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 29/08/2018 22:43

Ok - thanks.

BrutusMcDogface · 29/08/2018 22:43

Why is she in a position to need to borrow money every week? Surely she shouldn't be relying on you every week. You're very nice soft to lend it to her imo.

twoshedsjackson · 29/08/2018 22:50

What would her reaction be if you asked her if you could borrow a small sum of money, as you're out of cash? Her answer could be interesting, and tell you all you need to know.

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 22:51

Brutus. You’re right I am a soft touch ...until someone tries to pull a fast one and then it stops. The first time she doesn’t pay it back that’ll be it.
I’ll go the extra mile but don’t cross me. I believe in helping people and being there for them as long as they don’t mistake kindness for stupidity.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 22:55

Twosheds. If I caught her on her pay day I think she would but I’d have to ask her really early before it all went.

OP posts:
BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 29/08/2018 22:57

Yanbu to not lend her money. She is an adult and should sort her own money out. Fwiw i have bad depression and it doesnt stop me using the bus. If im with ds its fine as i need to focus on him but on my own i put my headphones in and block the world out

CSIblonde · 29/08/2018 22:57

She's taking advantage. Send her a text saying I can't afford loans anymore. If she was a close friend & you subbed each other now & again etc fine. She needs to take responsibility for her life & finances.

Skittlesandbeer · 29/08/2018 23:00

‘I don’t have that much on me, but also I’ve changed the way I budget my week. I’m doing most things electronically now, and tracking every penny. Sorry I won’t be able to lend to you as I have been recently.’

Timeisslippingaway · 29/08/2018 23:04

So you lend her a tenner every Friday to get her through the weekend then she gives you it back and then you give it back to her and so on. I think I would tell her to keep the tenner to save her paying it back and you lending it again. No YANBU to tell her no but that cycle must get frustrating.

serbska · 29/08/2018 23:15

Repeat “sorry love, I haven’t got it to lend” over and over

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 29/08/2018 23:21

Thanks for your replies everyone. It’s made me think that I’m not doing her any favours by continually lending her money every week, so she isn’t learning to budget.
She’s not working so I know she’s struggling,but saying that she’s probably having things paid for her such as rent and council tax, which is more than I am.
I’m a single parent with a 16 year old daughter and I’m working all the hours God sends to make ends meet so maybe it’s time I told her as suggested by most of you that I can’t do it anymore.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 30/08/2018 00:03

I'd be more depressed at spending £7 out of my limited money than I would be about getting on a bus.

lowtide · 30/08/2018 00:11

I know this might sound a bit crazy. But I would probably say next time. Keep the £10 because us getting into a situation of me lending you paying back me lending etc isn’t helping. So if this helps to get you back on track so you don’t need to borrow then that might be good. But then I can afford to lose £10 and I don’t know if you can.
The worry is, she’s doing this with various people so she’s constantly in debt, then all her money is gone paying everyone off and then she needs to reborrow.

It’s a shit vicious cycle. Even if you can’t give her the £10. Can you maybe help her to work out a way of not staying in this cycle?
Or maybe I’m just being too kind.

I dunno. I’ve been in that cycle of debt where you’re robbing Peter to pay Paul and it’s so depressing and debilitating, you never see an end to it. You’re just paying debt constantly

lowtide · 30/08/2018 00:13

Actually don’t listen to me. I’m just rambling! It’s not your responsibility

Original poster
Maisymoo22 · 30/08/2018 01:29

Lowtide. I can’t afford to lose £10 at this he moment as I’ve just had to pay out for a completely new uniform for my DS who is going back to do her A levels in sixth form.

If I thought it would help her I may consider doing that but even if I could afford to,I think it would maybe last a few weeks and then she’d be back to square one.
As a pp said previously I think she’s borrowing from other people as well.

OP posts:
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