Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another chance?

37 replies

NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 16:30

Hi wise Mumsnetters - I need advice please. More of a WWYD.

A few months ago I went on a few dates with a man. We'd spoken online for months beforehand and got along like a house on fire. The dates went well also. He's quite wealthy and very generous if that matters.

But...he then stood me up 6 times in a row, always with some excuse like he had to work, his phone was stolen, his flight got delayed. All probably valid reasons, but 6 times in a row!!!

I told him to go fuck himself and ignored him for months. We've now started talking again and still get along very well. He wants to take me on another date. I find it very difficult to trust because of my last abusive relationship with the father of my DC, but I have been single for a very very long time, and it would be nice to have somebody.

Do I give him another chance? Would you?

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 29/08/2018 16:33

No. I wouldn't have given him another chance after the 2nd time. He's playing head games with you.

MrsMolehillMountain · 29/08/2018 16:34

No.
you're better off alone taking more time to meet a good man than going with a guy like this

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/08/2018 16:37

sounds like he was perhaps dating someone else and that hasnt worked out- if that doesn't bother you then date him again but have him make all the effort.

kitkatsky · 29/08/2018 16:40

Honestly, you only had a few dates and he treated you like you were too much trouble to bother with, or even let down gently while he hedged his bets elsewhere. If you were asking to give the father of your child/ long term rship a second chance I might take more time to consider, but although you might not believe it right now there are amazing guys out there if you're choosy and value yourself. It took me a long time and lots of heartbreak to find mine, but he's so worth it. Think about what you really want out of a relationship and don't settle. Good luck x

Original poster
NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 16:50

I thought that might be the response. He knows about my previous relationship and everything I suffered as well, and keeps saying I deserve better, and then he did that to me.

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 29/08/2018 17:30

If a man stands you up once, shame on him. If a man stands you up six times, shame on you.

SpottingTheZebras · 29/08/2018 17:33

No. Getting you to agree to a date is probably part of an ego boost. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is in a relationship and never plans to meet up with you.

I wouldn’t have bothered to continue messaging after the second time, let alone still be now.

TroubledLichen · 29/08/2018 17:35

You only had a few dates, you let him stand you up 6 times and then want to consider giving him another chance?! Just no. Work on your self esteem, you deserve to be treated well by someone that respects you enough to turn up when you make plans. Again, do not give this man another chance that he doesn’t deserve.

Frogscotch7 · 29/08/2018 17:35

Nope. I know nothing about you but I know you deserve better than that.

SandyY2K · 29/08/2018 17:36

6 cancellations...I'd have blocked him long time ago.

amusedbush · 29/08/2018 17:36

I can’t say I would have allowed someone to stand me up SIX fucking times. Christ.

Short answer: no.

Bluelady · 29/08/2018 17:48

No way.

HildaZelda · 29/08/2018 18:07

Not a hope in hell.

kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 18:08

No and I wouldn't even give someone the opportunity to stand me up more than twice!
He's probably married.

lowtide · 29/08/2018 18:09

6 times already? He really has no respect for you

Original poster
NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 18:20

He's not married, he's widowed - has a whole FB page dedicated to his late wife, and it's been many years. I'm also widowed and I find it a bit creepy for him to still be doing that after so long tbh.

I'm old (last 40s) and fat, so I suppose I feel a bit like, well, he likes me and nobody else will, so give him another chance? But I also promised myself I would never let any man treat me like that again.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 18:22

late 40s, not last 40s!

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 29/08/2018 18:24

I also promised myself I would never let any man treat me like that again.

So stick to what you promised yourself and tell him to piss off and waste someone else's time.

He knows your history in terms of being treated terribly by a DP and then keeps dangling you on a string - making plans then bailing on them to see how long you'd dangle for. All he's doing now is checking to see if you're still on the end of that string. A lovely couple of dates then he'll stand you up over and over again, and all the while he's destroying your fragile ego to feed his own.

Please don't let him reel you in with his nonsense again.

LeftRightCentre · 29/08/2018 19:09

He doesn't like you, No. Think about it, would you stand up a friend 6 times? Nope. Because you like them. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. Tell him to sling his hook.

Original poster
NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 19:20

When he told me last night he would like to take me out, because I deserve it, I asked him how it would work? Would I show up at the restaurant only to receive a text with an excuse as to why he can't make it? He said he understands but it's my choice. When I said I'm dubious because of his previous behaviour, I received no reply. This afternoon he replied and said he'd fallen asleep (he's just come off nights).

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 19:23

The DC and & used to make bets as to whether he'd show up or not lol.

OP posts:
Lalala2018 · 29/08/2018 19:26

Oh my gosh he is actually priming you for disappointment. He is the sort of guy that when you are years in and miserable, would say, ''well I have always been this way, you knew what you were getting into" avoid avoid avoid.

Original poster
NoLightInTheTunnel · 29/08/2018 19:39

Is it a bit wrong of me to agree to a date only to stand him up? Wink

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 19:48

I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy. He's shown zero respect for you and you're showing zero respect for yourself if you agree to a date now.

GraceMarks · 29/08/2018 20:03

OP, I might be premenstrual but your post has made me a bit tearful that you think this is all you're worth and you'll never do any better. Fwiw, I too am fat and 40, and I sometimes think I'll be single for the rest of my life - but I wouldn't let some guy string me along like that because I thought he was my last shot at a relationship.

It sounds like he was maybe seeing other women at the same time he was dating you initially, just to see who he liked best and, simply put, one of the others "won", hence why he kept standing you up. Perhaps that didn't work out so now he's sniffing around you again to see if you're still available. I would strongly advise you not to be.