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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member copied my business idea!

141 replies

EnidsHoliday · 29/08/2018 16:18

AIBU to be rather annoyed?

I started an online business venture about 8 weeks ago and have had better than expected success so far (made about £500 in the first full month and it's growing!). I won't go into too much detail as outing but think along the lines of social media/shopping/etc.

It's a relatively niche area of which I have some experience with the target audience etc. I started it to help subsidise my maternity pay.

An immediate family member has basically copied and pasted my entire idea and is now running a virtually identical business, competing for pretty much the same customers! They have a full time job and so have said it is just a hobby for them.

Not sure if I'm overreacting or how to handle? They kept it quiet for the first couple of weeks as they were scared I'd be upset(!).

OP posts:
sonjadog · 29/08/2018 18:39

I think from now on you tell her nothing. Her business will fade away.

itswinetime · 29/08/2018 18:46

Why do you still have her on social media? Block her on all platforms private and business if they are different! You can't change the past and keep the idea secret but you can stop her riding you coat tails anymore

dinosaurkisses · 29/08/2018 18:53

Can you put a watermark or filter with your business name over any Instagram images etc that you put up to stock her knicking them?

I’d add a tag line to your website and social media like “Business Name- Cambridge’s original online maternity care boutique”, but I am a very very petty person.

Quangot · 29/08/2018 20:48

Unbelievable! Can you tell her you're applying for a job to deliver manure and septic tanks or something?

TheIcon · 29/08/2018 21:40

Well her attempt at copying your business should cost her any relationship with her grandchild so I hope she's happy with her grubby little self.

madja · 29/08/2018 21:50

Certainly you should block her from your accounts before you decide anything else. As a PP said, starve her of info and she'll probably struggle.

CSIblonde · 29/08/2018 23:26

Have you actually asked her what part of mothering she thinks includes sabotaging her own child? Shameful. As you said she has phases she gets bored with & works full time hopefully she'll tire of it. Meanwhile block her & ramp up your reviews etc.

DownTownAbbey · 29/08/2018 23:41

Knitting is a hobby. Pot holing is a hobby. Stealing your daughter's business idea is not a hobby!!

Does she usually lack basic self awareness?

sugarnotsweetener · 30/08/2018 00:08

Wow! Was not expecting it to be your DM!!!!
Is it handmade that she’s copying or are you buying stock and selling that? If the latter def give her some red herrings.
Genuinely can’t believe it’s your mum, I’m in shock!

Motoko · 30/08/2018 01:43

For the competitor business - sounds as though you are keeping ahead of the game - whoever the competitor is.

@paperbattles the competitor is OP's mum!

Charolais · 30/08/2018 02:31

This has always worried me. My own manufacturing business used such customized equipment it was hard for most people to copy but I still worried about the Chinese.

I have noticed many women don’t see anything wrong with copying another woman’s idea. I have even known women with brilliant $$$ making business giving classes in the evenings to show others how to make what they are making.

CaledonianQueen · 30/08/2018 02:39

Op I am honestly horrified for you! This would be a game changer for me, a betrayal of this depth would be the last straw and I would go no contact and tell her exactly why. I would also block your Mother, her siblings and any flying monkeys that could be used to steal your business information. There is absolutely no way that she would get to play Granny to my newborn when she is stealing the food from your child’s mouth before you even have the chance to buy it!

This is beyond cruel and toxic! She clearly has serious jealousy issues and enjoys upsetting you! I would make it clear that as long as she is competing with you, she will not be welcome in your life or in the life of your child/ children and you refuse to expose your child to such toxic behaviour.

I would perhaps write her a letter saying everything, before blocking her phone numbers as well as social media. I am afraid that you may have to deal with your families wrath afterwards but hold strong, it is truly freeing to no longer be stuck in the toxic cycle that is your Mother.

I would read the Susan Forward book Toxic Parents, as well as anything to do with daughters of narcissists. There are some great sites online on the topic. I would also look into copyright and whether there was anything you could do to force your Mother to take down your images as well as your copied terms and conditions.

Interestingly, this post reminded me of an advert that I watched on YouTube today, it was this one.

online.reliable.education/free-amazon-training-course?aff_sub&aff_sub2&affiliate_id=576122&cookiepreview=false&noautoplay=false&nopopup=false

It sounds like you already have a product and supplier, so perhaps this will help you (unless you are already doing this).

Lovelydovey · 30/08/2018 07:05

Call her out on it. Block her on social media and if she questions it, say that she as a competitor is stealing your ideas and business.

SmartyPants0 · 30/08/2018 07:20

I agree with Lovelydovey... BLOCK HER ON EVERYTHING.

Original poster
EnidsHoliday · 30/08/2018 08:31

Sorry for the delay everyone had a really busy evening.

I think Downtown hit it on the head - she just completely lacks self awareness! I'm certain she's justified to herself that she's not doing anything wrong and as she sees it as a fun 'hobby' for now is clearly not taking seriously that I am not treating this as a hobby, I'm hoping to make enough money that I don't have to go back to work when DC is a year old!

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 30/08/2018 08:46

Then you need to spell it out to her, Enids. I’m sorry but you sound so nice and I don’t believe your mum is ‘unaware’ of what she’s doing, and if she is then she needs to know how it’s affecting you.

LaGruffaloGrumble · 30/08/2018 10:28

I agree with JustDance. I know it's hard having a confrontation, but you need to point out to her that she is potentially taking food out of the mouth of her grandchild. What she is doing isn't loving or kind.

You're taking this much better than I would I think.

Original poster
EnidsHoliday · 30/08/2018 18:06

Hi everyone, a little (condensed) update:
Me: Mum, your online shop is very similar to mine
DM: No it isn't, there's only some similarities (not true) anyway I've had enquiries about selling X and said no (X is something I sell that she has yet to put on her site - and I'm pretty sure she's exaggerating about all the enquiries she's had lol)
Me: I don't want to have to compete with you for customers
DM: You're not, I don't care if I lose customers to you
Me: I DO care if I lose customers, this is meant to be a business for me for maternity and after
DM: Well just price your stuff cheaper then
DM then hurriedly ends phonecall

That went well, or not!

OP posts:
Theresnodisneyending · 30/08/2018 18:18

Sweet Jesus.

mostdays · 30/08/2018 18:23

For those concerned that OP could be jeopardising her right to SMP by having self employment income during her MPP, relax, the government says it's OK: "If you do any work in a self-employed capacity during your MPP, then such work will not affect your SMP." It would be different if OP was getting Maternity Allowance.

CoraPirbright · 30/08/2018 18:26

Good grief - your mother is an utter cow and I would have real difficulty in coming back from this. NC is a big leap but I would sure as hell not be discussing anything other than the weather and the state of the roads with her ever again.

itswinetime · 30/08/2018 18:27

Stop engaging with her you have to protect yourself and your business! The best way to do that is stop the competition copying your strategy and marketing ideas! The best way to do that is to block her completely! And like pp suggested a watermark for photos images ect is probably a good investment these days

OftenHangry · 30/08/2018 18:43

Go into offensive online.
Nice and polite reminder to customer that it's best to trust professional rather than to someone who is not but tries to look like one. Something along that lines. Be polite and make it look like (and I believe you actually are though) concerned about your customer's safety.

Do you think that could work?

NellMangel · 30/08/2018 18:44

How awful. Hopefully she'll lose interest, she has definitely crossed a line. Arse.

paperbattles · 30/08/2018 19:02

Well done for trying to discuss with her. Offer a takeover deal - if she really doesn't care if she loses customers, then offer to takeover her site and merge. It's bizarre that she doesn't understand how she is behaving. Unfortunately I think to threaten copyright infringement is too aggressive for you, I guess she knows you wouldn't sue her or report her. Actually, on reflection, I think she does know what she is up to and is getting a power trip. Just shows how you must be good at it - it would be great to give some tips to us !