To have told the bank manager I'd talk to my husband about it?

[TrappedByATurtle]

Not sure he's a manager, but he's the guy who's down as our contact for our bank accounts and mortgage.

Called him to find out how to do something. He says he'll send me the papers. Then starts talking about regulatory procedures and how we need to either transfer the mortgage link from our savings account to our current account or create a new "mortgage only" account.

I do admit I'm not good with financial stuff and need to see it written down before I actually understand it. So I asked him to send me the information when he sends me the info on what I originally called for and I would discuss with my husband and DH would call him back.

He then laughed and asked me sarcastically if it's DH who deals with all the money transactions then (I'm actually not sure how to answer this because they would only register the online banking account to one person so it's in DH's name. Technically he shouldn't let anyone else have the passwords...) So, I said it depends what it's for. "Oh, right" he said.

Now, I know it's a bit of a cop out the whole "I'll ask my husband" thing, but surely if it involves a change to our joint accounts then both of us should know about it and make a decision? Am I being pathetic or would you have gone ahead and told him to change it?

If you needed to do it, why did he wait for him to contact you?

I'd have said the same OP, true or not. I won't be rushed in to financial decisions.

I mean why did he wait for you to contact him. Brain fart.

If it's a change to a joint account I can understand talking it through.

Otoh, in another life, I used to speak to people about a financial issue and alot of women said they need to talk to their husbands. No men ever said that about their spouses, they just made their decision.

Both my DH and I would talk to the other before making financial decisions (unless it was something trivial or something relating exclusively to our private accounts with no bearing on shared finances)

I'd be making a complaint against HIM. How bloody patronising. It's a joint financial decision that should be made jointly. You didn't say you were asking permission (and none of his bloody business if you did) you said DISCUSS it with dh. As I would expect my dh to do with me.

I can only presume he was hoping for you to agree immediately because he works on some kind of commission. Read through the small print very carefully.

I think it would be pretty odd not to involve your other half in a major financial decision. Dodgy, even.

Yes, anything on my own finances I will do myself. And the same for DH.

But anything to do with joint finances (mainly the mortgage, but not exclusively that), we will DISCUSS together and AGREE together - and then it will probably be me that sorts it unless we are both in a branch of the bank together in the first place.

I would never do anything without checking dh and vice versa. Also when it comes to getting quotes from trade men it's handy actually to say must talk over with husband before deciding good way on getting rid of them and thinking things over .

He shouldn't have commented what a git.

However as a pp said, most men wouldn't have said for something like this "I'll speak to my wife and get her to phone you back", they'd simply have asked for advice on the best option and then approved it. And to be honest that's what I'd have done and told my husband later.

On saying that though, I do recall the Sewage company turning up and asking me where the septic tank was, I'd no idea and said "sorry my husband isn't here". I then felt embarrassed, shoved my shoes on and walked the dude round rhe garden ( it's a large garden) and said "is this it?" 🤣

Anything to do with a joint mortgage should be discussed by both parties imo.

Yes, DH probably would have made a decision there and then. I feel like I've let the side down but I'm really not confident on making financial decisions unless it's in black and white in front of me and it's a very useful way to get thinking time DH does do most of our financial stuff. I do everything else!

In my experience, most tradesmen won't accept a job unless they know DH has also agreed to it. No idea if it works the other way because it's always me arranging to get quotes etc.

My dh would absolutely say I need to speak to my dw, when it's anything financial that impacts us both

When people act like that it always makes me suspicious. Why was he so eager for you to make changes to something in joint names without talking to the other account holder first. Never rush into a financial decision whether you speak to your DH or not. What a patronising git. Probably on commission or target

What a little arse!

I'd be raging if DH made changes to any joint financials without speaking to me first!

No need to feel embarrassed. As a pp said, he should not have passed comment. I imagine he was a little pen pusher with no manners.

If it’s a joint mortgage why wouldn’t you discuss it with the other party?

I work in mortgages. People regularly tell us that they need to check with their partner. Both men & women depending on which one deals with the finanaces. He was rude to comment as he did

Eff him!!!!! Not only good because you talk about this stuff but also both of us are clueless getting best deals etc so we'd figure it out together. What an eejit!

I always ask people like banks to send me written information rather than be bounced into instant decisions. If they're not willing to do so, that tells me not to touch it with a bargepole.

The keyword is 'discuss' not 'ask'.

If you'd been quicker you could have come back with a 'do you not discuss joint financial issues with your partner?'

He laughed and was sarcastic with a customer on the phone? Tip top customer service

I think it was probably saying your DH would call be back that made you look a little like a surrendered wife but it is really bad customer service to laugh at you and he shouldn't have done that. A more neutral thing to say next time would be, I'll discuss with DH, it's a joint decision and one of us will call you back. My DH and I wouldn't dream of changing the mortgage without talking it through with the other person.

This sort of thing really annoys me and I would complain about it. I’ve had a couple of bank staff at Lloyds and Barclays (both male) be really rude to me about our joint account. One basically saying that I was living it up at my husband’s expense as a sahm and another asking if he should talk to DH as he thought he would understand the details of potential savings products (and I would presumably be stumped by them). Both times, as soon as they did it I asked to be transferred to another staff member, I’m not putting up with that kind of crap.

Of course you should discuss changes to your joint account with the other person on it. And it’s generally a good idea to get something in writing to look at, especially if you’re deciding between two different options. You dont sound as unsavvy about finances as you make yourself out to be. I think the saying DH would call back does sound a little 50s housewife - but its not really his business why you want your DH to call back.

The people they “assign” to you aren’t bank managers, they’re normally just sales folk. Try not to be intimidated by them. Despite having your DH to do the finances, it’s important to understand it all and feel confident that you could manage it yourself. Try and take sometime to get to grips with it. It really isn’t super hard. Most banks will give you your own credentials to log into a joint account - you’re just not supposed to share a log in.

one of us will call you back

True, I should have said that. Although last time I called him to instruct him on something he called my husaband to check. So by saying DH would call him it would be confirmation we both knew about it IYSWIM.

Honestly don't worry OP, the bloke was an arse. I do agree with pp, getting a little more comfortable with your finances wouldn't be a bad thing though.