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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me AImBU to want my own life now

44 replies

Sunnyday1203 · 29/08/2018 14:46

My grown up boys are making my life hell and I have just about had enough. They are 18 and 27 and we all live tog atm, youngest seems incapable of holding down any job and makes excuses not to work, I have supported him in trying to get an apprenticeships/jobs, I bought him a car so he is mobile but can't seem re bothered to practice his theory and pass his test. They are both very lazy around the house and I just hate living here now. Also both go through phases of being abusive and generally being horrid. I feel I have done my best but they seem to have a very different idea. I told them over a year ago I needed to sell the family home due to financial difficulties and I have decided to move to France. I have offered the youngest to come with me but he has refused so I have offered to set up a flat for him and his GF. None of this is good enough, youngest said he is cutting ties with me. LOL but still managed to eat contents of the fridge and playing on the X Box that I bought and using the electricity I pay for. It has been a tough few years as a single parent and I am feel it is now time to enjoy life a bit more and do the things I want. But they are making me feel so guilty. AIBU?

OP posts:
Flyingarcher · 29/08/2018 14:51

No. They need a reality check and so go to France. They will sink or swim and highly likely to swim because they have to. Just go, live your life, have fun. They will come back to you.

Fatted · 29/08/2018 14:54

Nope! Sell up, move to france and withdraw the offer of the flat for him and GF!!

They will never learn if you're always there sweeping up after them.

Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 29/08/2018 15:39

Thanks, I think they are doing a very good job of making me feel guilty. I love them to bit but just want to have happier life.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/08/2018 15:42

Youngest said he is cutting ties? Good, tell him it's way beyond time to cut the apron strings and he needs to be out there earning a wage and supporting himself.

Go to France and escape these entitled, lazy sods. You deserve to enjoy life!

herworldoutsideit · 29/08/2018 15:43

Another vote for go.

They are making you feel guilty as they don't see you as a human being in your own right. You are just there to facilitate their needs. Well, one of their needs is to grow the fuck up and sort their own lives out.

You can help them with that by buggering off to France.

Enjoy!

MissConductUS · 29/08/2018 15:49

Allez tout de suite! Bon voyage!

I am desperately hoping that this doesn't happen with my teenagers.

Handsfull13 · 29/08/2018 15:51

They need a hard wake up call.
Sell the Xbox, and buy a fridge lock so he can't help himself to your food.

Good luck with your move.

Monny1 · 29/08/2018 16:04

I really feel for you. You have one life, live it.

marriedwithhounds · 29/08/2018 19:08

You have done more than enough to provide them with everything they could possibly need. You deserve to put yourself first for once. They do not deserve the amount of effort and thought you are putting in. Don't feel guilty about having some self worth! I bet you'll be amazed by why they can achieve when they actually HAVE to!

F1reintheWh0le · 29/08/2018 20:29

Moving to France sounds like an adventure ! However, I would do your research first. Will you have a job there too, do you speak French ? Are you aware that you cannot claim benefits unless you have paid into the French system. Time to grow up for your children and find employment

dontdoubtyourself · 29/08/2018 20:43

Just me who thinks 18 and your disappearing? A lot of parents on here are still supporting kids that age through university.

tillytop · 29/08/2018 21:21

Usually at 18 I would thinkHmm but not in this case. He has a gf and he has an older brother. OP has bought him a car and tried to help him on his way. He's can't be bothered. Yes OP, I think it's time for you.Flowers

justilou1 · 29/08/2018 23:33

Run! Be free! Bon voyage!!!

Maelstrop · 29/08/2018 23:36

Just go, OP!

HollowTalk · 29/08/2018 23:39

I wouldn't normally say go, but when they are treating you so badly, then I think you should go. Your older son is old enough to take care of himself - he's abusive and horrible to you - why would you want to live with him? Your younger son is following suit - if you stay he'll just continue to have you look after him while he abuses you.

I'd go to France and I'd pay for a deposit on a rental and a couple of months rent each, if possible, then leave them to it. Keep in touch via Facebook or whatever and hopefully they'll grow up a bit - it might take them time but at least you don't have to be their punchbag while they are.

HollowTalk · 29/08/2018 23:39

But France... what will you do there?

Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 30/08/2018 09:53

Thanks all. Feeling better, DS2 was trying to nice last night, his dad has stepped in. To answer Re France, I am buying a house there, I have worked all my life and will continue to do so but less hours as no massive mortgage to pay.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 30/08/2018 11:54

hollow have lovely peaceful life on a small holding. btw

OP posts:
tillytop · 30/08/2018 11:56

Go for it Sunnyday Smile

onetimeposter · 30/08/2018 11:58

Go for it op. Im a single parent and it can feel like a sentence. Youve done your time now go and enjoy x

MorseandLewis · 30/08/2018 12:04

Well don’t move to France unless you are sure you will be able to live there post brexit. Do you have a job lined up? Will you have been able to sell you house and buy another by whatever date is decreed? Do you have French parents ?

Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 30/08/2018 12:43

oh please don't turn this into Brexit conversation. Of course English people can live in France as French people can live here after Brexit.

OP posts:
P0ppyP0wer1 · 01/09/2018 17:35

They should appreciate you more if they learn how to live on their own and stay in employment.

Stillme1 · 01/09/2018 18:49

I would urge you to move to France as soon as you like. It is an adventure. Don't wait until the DCs are sensible and responsible. Don't waste your time. My youngest is a lot older than your youngest and I am still waiting for all DCs to be sensible and responsible. They are not but I am only getting a whole lot older so please do it now and don't hang around. You don't even have to pay deposits on flat for them to rent and definitely don't be guarantor. It would be a nice gesture to help them for the last time. If you don't draw a line you could be helping them until they are middle aged or older.

I hope you have a fabulous time in France and enjoy your new life.

MrsMozart · 01/09/2018 20:22

Crack on lass!

You've supported them and continued to offer them supprt, but they really do need to get on with their lives now and you need to go live yours.