Please tell me AImBU to want my own life now

[Sunnyday1203]

My grown up boys are making my life hell and I have just about had enough. They are 18 and 27 and we all live tog atm, youngest seems incapable of holding down any job and makes excuses not to work, I have supported him in trying to get an apprenticeships/jobs, I bought him a car so he is mobile but can't seem re bothered to practice his theory and pass his test. They are both very lazy around the house and I just hate living here now. Also both go through phases of being abusive and generally being horrid. I feel I have done my best but they seem to have a very different idea. I told them over a year ago I needed to sell the family home due to financial difficulties and I have decided to move to France. I have offered the youngest to come with me but he has refused so I have offered to set up a flat for him and his GF. None of this is good enough, youngest said he is cutting ties with me. LOL but still managed to eat contents of the fridge and playing on the X Box that I bought and using the electricity I pay for. It has been a tough few years as a single parent and I am feel it is now time to enjoy life a bit more and do the things I want. But they are making me feel so guilty. AIBU?

Thanks for all the positive messages. It does help, I guess it is only normal to feel a little guilty. Saying that things have gone from bad to worse this week and making my resolve stronger. DS2 came home very drunk last night and started to abuse my DP, DP sensibly did not engage but DS then decided to go an get a hammer and was going attack my DP, screaming and shouting at us. Luckily DS1 wrestled him and managed to calm him down, this is horrendous. He looked demented I feel so ashamed. If DS1 was not there god knows what would have happened. I am in shock

Start charging them rent and make it clear you will sell their stuff like a debt collector would if they don't pay. Then sell the Xbox as he won't pay. They need a reality check. Do not pay for their homes under any circumstances. Not even rent or deposits. They are taking advantage and don't appreciate it.

Bloody hell!

Is DS2 usually like this?

Time to get your move underway.

Eighteen is young to be leaving him for a different country and OP if your boys are rude and abusive, you raised them, it's a bit late to try and change it when one of them is 27!

It also sounds like your DS2 has either substance or mental health issues, maybe both. Great idea to just walk away.

DCs are brought up by the parents but in early teenage years they begin to spend more time with friends who have not been brought up in the same household. The DCs learn different ways. OP does not state anything about her drinking habits but her DC has come home very drunk and violent. I wonder who he was with when he was getting so drunk and building up a temper and violent thoughts. Outside influences do have an effect on DCs no matter what the upbringing was. No one should be getting very drunk or act violently to the owners of the house he lives in for free. It is just as unacceptable for children to be violent to parents as it is for husbands to be violent to wives. This is just not acceptable

MRs He was very very drunk, no he is not normally like that. Stupidly it seems like he has just found a new job an should be happy. His dad lives locally, he has close friends, family and a gf that adores him. I am moving to France not Australia, it is a short flight away. My life is very stressful here and I have provided so much for them both, think working 40 hours a week, single parent for past 5 years, and will help them on their way.

still I think you hit the nail on the head, not sure who has spent the night with but was spoiling for a fight.

I think that forcing them to stand on their own two feet will be the best thing you can do for them. Whether it's France or just a different city in the UK, move and don't let them come with you!

Very drunk is not an excuse for trying to hammer someone, you should have called the police. He has serious issues.

And definitely move to France, without them.

Yes I'd very be careful buying a property in France right now until we know what the tax situation will be post Brexit.

And no, I wouldn't leave my 18 the old to fend for themselves but I entirely sympathise with the wish to do so.

After last night I would be putting DC2 out now.

X post, missed that he has his dad and other family nearby. I guess if they are supportive that changes things, but I'm still not sure I would move for a couple of years yet, particularly with him behaving how he is atm. Sorry.

I respectfully suggest France isn’t far enough, and the plan is too far ahead and too centred on their needs.

Strongly consider my alternative plan for you: Australia, next week, with all your cash in your luggage, leave the house sale to an agent.

You could call your strategy (when you announce it as the airport taxi pulls up for you) ‘Sink or Swim’.

Leigh of course it is no excuse his behaviour is appalling . We manged to resolve the situation, police do not need to be involved. I love my sons and think the best thing I can do is make them take responsibility for themselves. I do too much for them. They will have my support and me and our family.

skittles

I'd put him out today after the hammer attack. He won't be in your house tonight or any night soon.

Don't minimise it.

Give him the shock of his life by making real world consequences (and no bailing him out).

Please don’t set him up with a flat for him and his girlfriend, it’s sounds like to could be abusive towards her, especially if he behaves like this towards his own mother.

angels I have seen him treat her with nothing but respect and love. His actions bar last night are of a spoilt child, I have done too much for him