Telling df a few home truths about her pfb.

[Goneforlunch]

Yesterday I had kind of kicked off at df about her ds, we were sat having a joke conversation with my dm, in which I said she needs to find a rich dh so he can look after me when she dies, all of a sudden df piped up and said "don't talk about dying in front of her ds as he thinks we live forever"
I have her a look as I thought she was joking, she wasn't.

Anyway I said you can't really make him believe we live forever and what would happen if she died tomorrow, how would we explain that to him?
She then started on a mad rant that he is scared of everything and that my d's always scare him, so I told her if she felt that way then her ds would not be welcome to stay at my house anymore, which of course made her backtrack on what she had said.

By this time she had now got my back up as she was accusing my ds' of doing things purposefully to upset her ds, so I told her a few home truths.
Not many children like her ds as he is rude, spiteful and doesn't listen when told to stop hitting or kicking, my eldest ds doesn't even leave my side anymore when we're at her house as he is always being attacked and he doesn't want to get in trouble for hitting back at someone who is younger.

There have been alot if issues with his dad and I can understand why he behaves in a certain way, but she blames everyone else for what he's doing rather than concentrating on his behaviour.
He is one of those children that you have to watch everything you say around as he goes back and tells tales, which of course she believes even if he's wrong, she then accuses people of trying to make him out as a bad person.

My worry for both of them is that she isn't preparing him for life outside of her home by trying to hard to shelter him from the truth because of how she reacted to things as a child, it's leading to him being picked on and laughed at.

maiseypops i agree with you about school, she has been into see the head more times this year than I care to remember.
He has been given so many warnings for his behaviour that he was nearly excluded from the school, but of course like you said it's never his fault, as I said upthread she has already accused one child of bullying and now has a serious vendetta against his mum.

I had a fear of death as a child. I don't know where it came from but it ended up with my parents seeking medical help as it got that bad.

My own youngest children (also 6) know more about it than I'd necessarily like, but haven't experienced it personally. One of their classmates lost their mum earlier this year so we had a basic chat about it meaning they no longer had a mummy to give them hugs and kisses, tuck them in at night and their friend might feel sad a lot, but that the person is always in our hearts.

They also know their 98 year old great grandma isn't going to be around forever.

Whilst your friend might not want to hear a character assassination on her child, given she started it, I think you've done her a kindness by saying you, as a close friend, feel the same way as many of her son's peers do. It is always hard to hear that 'little Quentin' is more like a 'damien' when it's your own child. But if we can't take constructive criticism from our friends, well, we aren't doing ourselves any favours. It takes a village and all that...

That was my point, how can he not know that we die? Dying is apart of life.
I can complety understand it's scares people and that's because they don't know what it is, which is why it should be explained in a child friendly manner.

gone
It will ALWAYS be someone else's fault. Always.
Nobody can have a sensible or reasonable disucssion with people like that. Not you, not teachers, not anyone.
It's one thing we pick up on quite quickly in schools. You can't reason with people like because nothing is ever their child's fault. They'd sooner try to launch a formal complaint against a member of staff than acknowledge that 28 children, a teacher and a teaching assistant all saw their child do something because 'their child doesn't lie' (anyone who says that probably has a child who lies repeatedly because most children and teens can tell fibs or be economical with the truth because they are human. Usually be wary of anyone who says their child would never lie.)

It honestly doesn't sound like her friendship would be much loss, so just walk away.