Darling, children are often dicks. They usually don't mean to be. Mine are teeenages. They are rarely not dicks tbh.
I left my gap longer which meant I embraced screen time whole heartedly when No.2 came along.
This isn't probably much use for you. But it sounds to me that you are doing exceptionally well and are also maintaining a sense of perspective and communicating with people even if it is online.
All of those are good signs.
Days like these can seem endless. Probably it'll be easier tomorrow but if you start feeling down, please talk to someone and see your GP
Here are some things I do to give me a fast boost.
Wash my hands in cool/cold water. Make sure you wash your wrists too. That is important. Preferably using a lovely smelling soap.
Washing my face in cold water helps.
Put on a favourite song as loud as is ok for little ears. Preferably uplifting and inspiring.
Foo Fighters "Times Like These" is a favourite of mine.
Use feeding times to watch tv you like. They are young enough it doesn't matter. Not Game of Thrones obv but other things will be ok.
Get a playpen. My eldest loved it. Youngest didn't need it. You can get fun ones with a tent over top.
Have you got a travel cot? Fill it with play balls and put toddler in it whilst you feed.
Buy and eat something indulgent.
I was very sad recently as my ex took kids away for first holiday with out me. I bought my favourite cake (sharing size) and ate it all. I didn't even feel guilty afterwards.
Could you all fit in a bath? Bath the two littlest together?
Stick them in the buggy and go for a walk. If you can see them easily use headphones and listen to music if you need a break. If one is half off (I use over ear headphones) you can hear them if they speak to you.
Have you got a lose friend you could call over? I promise -most people will help if you ask. If a friend with a baby or two called me stressed, I would whisk them out for a walk or bring over biscuits and a cuddle. But you have to tell people.
Is there a relative who takes over? Invite them round and say you have a headache/need a nap/bath whatever. Use people.
Go to soft play. Sit in toddler section and feed/cuddle baby. Look for other mums with same slightly desperate look on their face. Start chatting. "Two is hard isn't it - what a lovely baby you have". Will work for most people. If they answer "it's so amazing and so easy" BACK AWAY. They may be lying, they may be very lucky, they may be surrounded by family. It won't help you to hear about it all though.
FWIW the biggest "normal" problem (I had different ones as well - SN in dc1 and dc2 was unwell when born) I had was getting the early feeding demands in sync with our current life.
Things got very hard for me but I had two very sensible friends who constantly told me to remember I was the head of the clan and if I got too run down it ill, EVERYONE would suffer. You need to look after yourself too. Ask for help if it is there.
If this is just a bad day, be comforted that we have all had them. Most of us have felt at sometime that we made a terrible mistake having children. Most of us have had days we wished away.
If it gets bad, put kids in their cots and go outside for 5 mins and breathe.
Make sure you keep eating regularly and drink water as well as tea and coffee.
I lived in ready meals after both kids were born. No clothes got ironed. The minimum was done to keep clean and tidy.
Things will get easier but right now you have to just get through this it. If 6 ems isn't the marvellous breakthrough everyone says it is, don't worry. For me it was 9 and 12 weeks. And a brilliant friend warned me about that so I could keep sane.
Keep posting. Why don't you go back to your usual name? This is nothing to feel ashamed about. Kids are hard work. They aren't doing on purpose, even if it feels it.
You have my good vibes and sympathies. Baby groups will start again soon and it will help.
Lots of love.
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