When should DH break it to them ?

[pomlife]

Long story short, we were due to go on our first family holiday in the next month nothing was booked, but much talked about it, planned etc. However we have experienced an unexpected problem getting DSC the necessary travel docs. There is no way they will be back in time for us to travel. So I've suggested we postpone the holiday until Christmas (next school holidays, our holidays from work) and I want DH to suggest if this is an option to his ex before we obviously break the news to DSC. DH is dreading it, as feels he's let DSC down and that his ex might put the breaks on us travelling at Christmas. We are seeing ex and DSC at the weekend, for a family event. AIBU that DH needs to have this conversation before the weekend so we aren't avoiding the topic or flat out lying as deep down we know we can't practically travel in the next month. (Emergency travel docs/express passport not an option - I've tried)

YANBU

How about going away during the Oct half term instead of Christmas. It's not too far away and is a good compromise date.

Why can't you get fast track passports?

He needs to man up and tell her!

We get sep/oct mid term (which is when we planned to go) - then Christmas. Can't get fast track as don't live in the uk

Can you find a short holiday locally for the week you were planning on going? Have A holiday, just not the one planned?

Will the docs be back for Christmas, if there is an issue (suspect it's complicated, as our UK passports were back with us less than a week from sending from abroad).

But, Yes, he needs to gave the conversation with ex as soon as possible so you can start managing expectations at the weekend.

Docs should be back, in the next 3 weeks - then we need to apply for another one (long story) I've suggested a boys long weekend locally to soften the blow as we can't afford another holiday on top. As the Christmas flights alone double in price.

I'd sort it with the ex first so you know if that's actually going to be a viable plan. I'm not saying she has to give permission as such but if you normally share Christmas it wouldn't be unreasonable of her to say no. Sort that first then deal with the issue of telling everyone. If it's not possible, it's not.

How old is the child? Depending on that I'd be honest and upfront as soon as possible and if old enough discuss the options together.

Not a bad life lesson that sometimes stuff just doesn't go to plan and you have to make the best of a bad situation.

I hope everyone's read your first posts or you're going to get lots of fast track passport and half term suggestions.

If you mean actually taking the children away over Christmas itself, there is every chance their mother will say no (especially since it has never been suggested as an option, and it sounds as if the original holiday has failed to materialise partly through lack of sorting out documents and booking in time).

Your DH should talk to her ASAP, and if she's not happy with Christmas maybe book something for half term, reorganising leave as necessary. The children will accept it once a firm plan is in place.

I recently renewed my passport overseas, as did a friend. If your documents are in order, it’ll only take 3 weeks (website said 6+, I think)

Sorry, that’s not helpful since I read your update (not sure how I managed to miss it the first time?)

Thanks for all the passport advice - that isn't an option. Trust us we have explored all options. Plus 2 passports involved, of which countries we no longer reside in.

@Uncreative - no worries. Trust us we explored all options.

Is she genuinely going to allow you to take the sc away at Xmas?

Maybe soften the blow with a local holiday, and have a proper conversation with the Mum before talking to sc.

He should have the conversation so that it doesn't impact the family event.
I think ex would NBU if she doesn't agree with Christmas - you might want to think about half term breaks that don't need travel documents.

If the visas/passports, etc. are not going to come through in time, DH needs to come clean about that ASAP so that everyone can adjust their expectations.
And huge sympathy to you all - it's so frustrating when you've filled in and sent off all the forms and fees but the papers just aren't coming back quickly. A high-flying British couple I know were working on assignment in India when their DD was born. Despite all their corporate clout and applying for her passport almost as soon as she was born, they were not able to bring her home to England for Christmas. Both families were crushed.

We’re you due t have the children over Xmas? I am not, as a general rule, difficult about contact but Imwould struggle,tomagree to sending my children off for a holiday over Xmas. Particularly as it is the result,of an administrative issue and not some kind of wider family get together or big event.

And whatever you do, do not discuss the possibility of Xmas before agreeing with mum first.

Cornwall?

there is 'away' and there is 'away'.

Definitely talk to ex and find out what your options are.

I very much doubt the kids will give a damn. Most kids I know would prefer pottering round & seeing friends/cousins etc than being dragged through the rigmarole of airport transfers etc.

The OP doesn't live in the UK so Cornwall is "away"

That's one of the reasons the age of the child is important puffy, I don't know any older children who'd rather stay at home that have a holiday abroad, are your children quite young?

@patti - you make a fair point. a couple of 13 year olds who'd been promised paragliding etc is not the same as a couple of 5 year olds who've, let's face it, been dragged along for the sake of schoolgate bragging rights.