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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about hen nights?

36 replies

sailorcherries · 27/08/2018 19:43

I know hen nights are a bone of contention for many on MN, especially the ones that get out of hand and the bride starts to demand x, y and z.
My sister is trying to plan my hen night, which is becoming increasingly difficult as I keep vetoing her ideas with no real idea of what I want. I want to go away for a weekend but couldn't stand my own DM or DMil for a weekend and definitely don't want guests spending a large amount of money (and a weekend away even somewhere basic would be £150-£200+ once food and accommodation is added up).

What are the best hen nights you have been on?

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 27/08/2018 19:49

I have only ever been to my own (none of my friends are married).
We stayed in apartments to reduce costs, did afternoon tea, spa and a night out. People were told only to book what they wanted to attend. Some came for the afternoon tea and spa, some came for the night out etc. I wasn't offended when people only did a few bits.

cyantist · 27/08/2018 20:01

Best one I went on we hired a cottage (with hot tub) in the middle of nowhere and did a number of activities (kayaking, horse riding, clay pigeon shooting).

anotherangel2 · 27/08/2018 20:03

Afternoon tea, cocktail making class, more cocktails and then home.

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 27/08/2018 20:06

One of the best I’ve been to we all went to the brides house for one night, ordered pizza and Indian, drank in the hot tub and then wore our pyjamas and drank a lot more. It was fun, easy, we spent hardly anything and all had a great laugh.

I’ve managed to avoid all the weekend away jobbies and I’m thankful for it. I’m outgoing and sociable and I’d still dread a weekend away with anymore than my close friends.

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 27/08/2018 20:07
  • than one or two of my closest friends, that should say
TheCatFromOuterSpace · 27/08/2018 20:10

My favourite one was at a beer festival!
Other good ones have included camping in Bell tents, and a weekend in a cottage.

Sparklesocks · 27/08/2018 20:11

The best one: We hired a huge house on Airbnb in the countryside, spent the weekend going on walks, doing crafts, face masks, one of the hens made a massive batch of dhal and we had a huge party on the sat eve with a fab playlist and loads of prosecco - great fun! It was just the bride’s friends and her sister, she did a more civilised afternoon tea with her mum and future MIL.

Worst: terrible night club, mother of the bride came and insisted we wear those dreadful head boppers all night, music was awful and we got guilted into shelling out for a VIP area. Back at the house the mother of the bride insisted the organisers cooked oven chips for her at 3am!!

GettingAwayWithIt · 27/08/2018 20:11

Mine was my best hen night Grin

A local minibus company does a tour of country pubs (4 or 5 pubs) followed by a night out somewhere. Cost was £25 per person for the day, had a lovely afternoon in beer gardens, night out in a city including some classic hen do karaoke, all got dropped off at home, job done.

Everyone had a brilliant day out, nobody had to take too much time away from their families, nobody spent a fortune. Highly recommend it if you can find a company to take you out for the day and plan some pub stops.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 27/08/2018 20:15

Thanks everyone. Second question, who should actually be invited to the hen?

I'm so reluctant to do anything as I left school a year before my peers, became pregnant at uni and bounced around jobs (teaching) until this year. I have no solid friendship group and seem to have no one to invite bar family/OHs family; which seems a bit sad.

OP posts:
BlaaBlaaBlaa · 27/08/2018 20:15

My friend's was the best one I've been to. A local wine bar let us use their room for free and we had drinks and food plus some silly games . Then went on a pub crawl around the village then to one of the locals that has a late licence. It was fun , not at all pretentious and cheap!

LostInShoebiz · 27/08/2018 20:18

Sounds like you don’t really want one. You want to go away but not with certain people, want to invite people but not really.

theunsure · 27/08/2018 20:19

Honestly? They have all been pretty shit. Have been to about 15 over the years.
I had a small one under duress, it was rubish-I had a stinking headache and couldn’t wait to get home. Luckily it was just a night out.
Sorry, that sounds miserable but they really haven’t been much fun at all.

I think a night out is better than a weekend-they always cost a fortune. I think the problem is trying to mix groups of friends with different interests.

mummmy2017 · 27/08/2018 20:26

Why not just have a BBQ, and a few drinks..
Why does it have to be a weekend of organised Fun.... That cost too much for most people to budget for...

Original poster
sailorcherries · 27/08/2018 20:28

LostinShoebiz I don't.

I want to go away for a spa weekend where I can relax, have nice food, a few drinks and bugger off to bed early. I wouldn't even care about doing that alone.
I'd also do an afternoon tea, cocktail making and meal then home.

Everyone else keeps talking about bloody karaoke, nights out etc.

I'm not a night out person.

As I also said, I don't have many friends (read, one female friend who is a BM). I habe acquaintances and family but no close friends I'd love a night out with.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 27/08/2018 20:35

Sounds to me OP like you need to tell your sister that you don't actually want a hen do. Maybe a spa day just with your sis.

Sparklesocks · 27/08/2018 20:35

Just invite who you’d like OP. There are no ‘rules’ - just think about what you’d like, maybe something low key, and don’t be afraid to say what you want.

witchofzog · 27/08/2018 20:37

I went to a fab one in an Irish bar with an Irish bride where we all made play doh willies (it was better than it sounds Grin)

Squ1ggle · 27/08/2018 20:39

Don't have a night out if you don't want one op. I went to an activity place and did quad biking and falconry and then we all came back to my flat, had some drinks and played a couple of silly games then ordered dominos. It was perfect

NonaGrey · 27/08/2018 20:42

Why not ask just your sister and your BM to go to with to a Spa of your choice?

You have a giggle and no stress.

NonaGrey · 27/08/2018 20:45

My hen night was similar to Istherain described above. Activity during the day, back to my house for takeaway, drinks and lots of chat in our PJs.

Everyone headed home the next day having had a really fun, stress free, not very expensive time.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 27/08/2018 20:56

I don't even think I'd want to spend a spa night/weekend with my sister and BMs. We did a weekend away and that was enough for me.

OP posts:
PandaPolarBear · 27/08/2018 20:57

I agree with Nona , just go for a spa day/weekend with your sister and bridesmaid if that's what you want to do.
There are no hen-party rules... it can be a big messy weekend away with a big group, or a small relaxing thing with just a few people.

PandaPolarBear · 27/08/2018 21:03

Ach, posted as you were writing that last one.

Do you really just want to organise it yourself?

whatevenisababy · 27/08/2018 21:21

I didn't bother with a hen night and I don't feel I missed out. I see the people I enjoy spending time with often enough so I didn't want the pressure of having the 'perfect' weekend with people I felt I 'had' to invite. Why not treat you and your future DH to a spa weekend and avoid the stress completely Smile

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2018 21:25

Don’t bother! It’s fine. Best ones I’ve been on are low key and one night reasonably local.

Having said that, I refuse all hen-weekend invitations. More than a night is too much.

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