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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say something or U to say nothing? 🙈

26 replies

CheesyCurryChips · 27/08/2018 15:21

Ok so I have a small business in Northern Ireland. I’m a catholic. (All relevant)

I’ve a young Protestant friend working for me from time to time, as favour to her, I give her hours when I can. I really like her and I know she thinks of me as big sister - we are more friends than having a work relationship. We always have a bit of harmless banter about the whole catholic/prod thing.

However a couple of other full time staff have complained, showing me screen shots of derogatory things she has posted on Facebook about the pope during his visit. By reading it I definitely don’t think it was banter on her behalf, (I can’t see it so I think she has me blocked from seeing this particular thing), but at the same time I don’t really care - it doesn’t offend me in the slightest but I’m worried about it offending the other customers & staff. I’ve since heard that she posted other such things in the past (again I haven’t seen it)

What do I do? I feel If i say anything, as a catholic, it would be misinterpreted as sectarian / being bitter myself

OP posts:
drJava · 27/08/2018 15:32

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Louiselouie0890 · 27/08/2018 15:38

Depends what the business is? Surely her Facebook is her own private business but I can understand some proffesions should have it closed off to non friends.

ScreamingValenta · 27/08/2018 15:43

I think what you need is a blanket social media policy, covering any material which might be offensive to your customers or other staff. If you don't have one, there isn't really much you can do about what staff post, unless it crosses the line into material which would be considered unlawful.

It's hard to say more without knowing what she has posted. If it's just negative comments about the Pope, or highlighting negative news stories about the Catholic church, those are opinions to which she is entitled. If it's material inciting sectarian hatred, that's a different thing - I know where I work the SM policy covers sectarian material (large multi-national company).

SilverHairedCat · 27/08/2018 15:46

Perhaps neither of you should be "bantering" about religion in the workplace if you're going to then have to deal with religious concerns in other areas like social media.

Harmless banter is rarely harmless.

peachgreen · 27/08/2018 15:47

Eesh, this is a tricky one OP and I'm not sure posters outside Ireland/NI will quite understand the dynamic.

I think it depends on what exactly she's posting. If it's nuanced and thoughtful criticism of the Pope's visit, I think that's okay - there is plenty to criticise and many Catholics would agree. If it's awful anti-Catholic memes or using derogatory language, that's not okay.

Tbh I would expect to be fired / disciplined if I was displaying sectarianism on a forum where my colleagues could see. It's covered under our social media policy the same way as racism or homophobia. I think you should have a word at the very least, given your other staff have complained, and it might be worth putting together a social media policy (I'm sure you can find a template on the internet somewhere).

Deshasafraisy · 27/08/2018 15:50

Surely it’s not your responsibility to police what offends your staff outside of the work premises? If any crap was being said at work only then is it your problem

Frogscotch7 · 27/08/2018 15:51

I have friends posting on dh about queuing to see the pope and others posting about being at protest marches. I’d say to her with an eye roll that someone mentioned her Facebook so is there any chance she could tighten up her privacy to avoid any tension at work. I sympathise with you OP and hope it doesn’t damage the friendship.

ScreamingValenta · 27/08/2018 15:52

Yes, good point by peachgreen - I should add a disclaimer to my comment that I am not in NI! Just basing it on workplace social media policy generally.

Frogscotch7 · 27/08/2018 15:52

Posting on fb not dh!! That would be weird.

Original poster
CheesyCurryChips · 27/08/2018 16:04

Thanks ladies, yeah it’s kinda hard to explain if your not from here. We don’t banter over “religion” in the strict sense. For example I might say to her could you get that ready to post, it’s going to Derry. And she might retort “Derry, sorry where’s that? You mean Londonderry”. And it’s all good craic. (It’s not like “haha you and your day of rest” lol)

Again this going to sound contradictory unless your from here, I have atheist beliefs & I don’t support the Catholic Church at all - I’m disgusted by the controversies. What she said wasn’t about the controversies it was more anti Irish, it just happened to involve the pope being here. If that makes sense. Again the people who complained aren’t overly religious either, it was the anti Irish sentiment behind it.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 27/08/2018 16:08

It sounds very difficult and complicated. Are there any other business owners in your area who could advise - perhaps share how they manage social media and the sectarian issues?

Twotailed · 27/08/2018 16:09

She’s free to criticise the pope, even if some catholics don’t like it. It isn’t sectarian to have issues with a particular individual or a religious office.

If she is making racist or sectarian posts, or saying offensive things about catholics generally (rather than the pope specifically) or anything like that then you would be well within your rights to speak to her, as what she does online could reflect on your company.

Do you have a social media policy? If not it might be worth considering one.

Original poster
CheesyCurryChips · 27/08/2018 16:13

Yeah I definitely haven’t explained that properly, lol, sorry. It was about the pope, but not him individually or the catholic religion even - it was sectarian.

OP posts:
RabbitsAreTasty · 27/08/2018 16:18

I'd ask her to tighten up her FB privacy settings if she's going to post on sensitive topics.

goodgirls · 27/08/2018 16:21

She's allowed to say what she likes about the pope, its nothing to do with you. I can assure you that a vast number of Irish Catholics have been doing the very same.

Why do you think her opinions on the Pope have anything to do with you?

MissVanjie · 27/08/2018 16:39

I think it is hard for people to understand if they're unfamiliar with day to day life in NI - I'm not from there but I had an ex p who was and I totally get what you mean, and I just don't think ppl over there are aware of all that goes on - eg we would often visit ex ils over early summer and it would all be kicking off around the 12th with arson, riots etc and I would phone my mum back home in England going 'hi mum I'm fine don't panic, the road to x town is closed but everything's ok and no trouble round here in the sticks etc etc ' and she was blissfully unaware, it's just not on the news radar over here

and people do 'banter' over it, it's the elephant in the room, a lot of the time you're aware as soon as someone says what their name is, it's entrenched and to just never mention it would be totally weird. but there is a definite line - it's like the difference between making a joke of obvious cultural differences vs actual sectarianism. and it's so hard to explain that it's not the same as people over here criticising the Catholic Church, or even people in the south criticising them - in the north it's a group of people who have held sway over another group who continue to be a minority criticising their religion. the most obvious allegory would be the way over here criticism of certain cultural practices associated with islam is often conflated with racism against any and all brown people.

it's a tricky one op - how to handle? I would have a word and say that it could be bad for business for you to be associated with sectarian views. it's not simply about 'free speech' and holding/expressing whatever opinions you like in your own time. it's hard to explain if ppl don't get it. Flowers

kenandbarbie · 27/08/2018 16:40

I would inform her of new social media policy about not posting sectarian things unless there are privacy settings. But apart from that, I would also have a talk with her about posting sectarian things generally, if she's young and naive she may change her views and regret having such posts up in years to come. From a future employment perspective and also as she perhaps becomes more tolerant and experienced with age. Look at James Gunn!!

peachgreen · 27/08/2018 16:44

I think you need a word and to introduce a social media policy. Sectarianism isn't on and it won't reflect well on her in the future, that's for sure. I'm sorry OP, that's a real shame. I'm all for a bit of banter (I'm English living in NI, I have to be!) but some of the stuff that gets posted on social media is truly disgusting.

CoughLaughFart · 27/08/2018 16:52

Does her FB page state where she works? Is it public or private? If it mentions your business I think you’d be within your rights to say ‘It’s your page so I won’t tell you what to say, but please remove your workplace info’.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2018 16:58

Tell your friend to tighten up her security on fb and tell your other employees to mind their own business and find a hobby. If they don't like her views why are they reading her posts? Honestly, this is a non-issue.

ReservoirDogs · 27/08/2018 17:01

Well currently on Twitter there are well known catholics tweeting stuff about the Pope that many catholics might not like relating to the child abuse.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/08/2018 17:09

As a boss I doubt there is much you can do if she isn't breaking any laws. But whilst sectarian posts aren't illegal they do piss people off and may bite her in later life, you could tell her that, as her boss.

As a friend / older sister you can tell her that her fb posts have been seen by colleagues and have upset them... and that the best thing to do is to tighten up her fb privacy, if she doesn't want to find herself in a hostile work environment.

Original poster
CheesyCurryChips · 27/08/2018 17:21

Lol this is going down as well as the time I was talking about ‘craic’ when in the US and they thought I was talking about ‘crack’. Very awkward.

I think I will implement a social media policy, it never occurred to me before as it’s such a small business & I thought people had more common sense. I think it just a case of being young & silly, but I’m surprised that I’ve been blocked from seeing this ....so she is aware of how it comes actoss. Apparently she has also posted stuff around the 17th & 12th as well (which definitely didn’t involve oul Frank lol) which I must’ve been blocked from seeing too.

Thanks for the advise everyone, I just panicked because I didn’t want to look sectarian myself.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 27/08/2018 17:36

I think if she is posting stuff which is bigoted and sectarian then she should be warned that it’s inappropriate. It doesn’t matter that it’s a private page you don’t have the right to post what you like with no consequences if it’s likely to cause wide spread offence.
I work for the NHS and if I started posting racist stuff on my private accounts disciplinary action would be taken and quite rightly too.

bluemascara · 27/08/2018 17:37

I get it, I'm in NI too.
I think you need to approach it as her employer as opposed to a friend.
People will associate her with your business and therefore by association, you have almost endorsed her views. That is if of course she has a link to you and your business on fb.
It is perhaps best to stop with the fenian/ prod banter, because she is clearly going over the line! Where you are innocently bantering, she maybe isn't and therefore being openly disrespectful.
This place is fucked up and until we all start treating one another respectfully and truly equally, we ain't gonna move forward!