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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put off taking DD to doctor (long post)

42 replies

LoobyLou1976 · 27/08/2018 15:18

Hi all, first post here!
My daughter has, in the past few months, been complaining of ALL sorts of health issues. One night it's that her heart is beating too fast, or that it's sore. Next night could be that she feels her throat is closing up, or that she can't swallow, or that there is too much phlegm in her throat. Perhaps its her back that's sore etc. You get the picture. A couple of weeks ago she was up several times a night saying that she could hear noises and screaming in her head. I was particularly worried about this as I have suffered from bad tinnitus the last 3 years and she has seen how this has affected me (long story) so this really worried me that she was either suffering from it or had picked up on my own health issue and somehow transferred it to herself.
The back story on this is that she is 11 years old and prior to what I am about to tell you, was a very healthy child with no health issues.

However in February of this year, she was involved in a serious car accident. She was chasing her friend across the street and was hit by a car. She was taken to hospital and ended up with some lacerations to her scalp, and had to have plastic surgery on her ear as it was quite ripped, as well as extensive bruising etc and bashes and bumps to her body, no broken bones thankfully - we were very lucky, it could have been much worse. The police told us afterwards that they found parts of her coat embedded in the car, so it was clearly a massive hit that she took. She is all healed up now, although her ear still has scars and took a while to heal.

She does not talk about the accident very much if at all, no nightmares etc.
The health worries started in the weeks following the accident.
When she is upset I try to calm her and tell her she is getting worked up and panicked and that everything is okay, that these issues are not really there and that what she is describing is more like a panic attack than anything else. But my DH is beginning to get very upset and angry with her getting up in the night / refusing to go to bed/drawing out bedtime with these 'health' issues.
I don't know if by taking her to the GP I am pandering to it and giving the issue a life of its own if that makes sense. I don't know even where to begin speaking to the GP, because she has so many concerns that its just overwhelming.
I don't know if there is something else that I need to be doing, will the GP suggest she speaks to a councellor or something similar?
I was hoping the issue would burn itself out but if anything, it seems to be getting worse.
I don't know what to do really, I just don't think I can fit all this into a 10 minute GP appointment!
Reading back on what I have written, if I were reading this as an outsider I would probably advise the person to take the child to the GP, but I am worried this will add fuel to the fire and give DD the impression that something is really wrong with her. Next step?

OP posts:

whywhywhywhywhyyy · 27/08/2018 15:21

I suspect a CAMHS referral is in order. Take her to the GP.

PipeTheFuckDown · 27/08/2018 15:21

It sounds like (to me) that she has anxiety. GP it is - they might refer for counselling.

BarbarianMum · 27/08/2018 15:22

Take her to the GP. Or rather, you go to the GP and arrange for her to access help for processing the trauma of the accident, if nothing else.

LittleCandle · 27/08/2018 15:22

She could well have PTSD and this is how it is manifesting itself. Take her to the GP.

TroubledLichen · 27/08/2018 15:22

It sounds like she needs counselling. But even if you’re in a position to pay for it privately (and you don’t need a referral from the GP) it’s a good idea to rule out any physical health issues first. Definitely take her. And ask to book a double appointment if you don’t think it will fit into 10 minutes.

TwoGinScentedTears · 27/08/2018 15:23

I think that take g your child to the GP shoes that you care and want her to be well. Even if these health issues are psychological, you can't ignore them (or get cross with her like you dh is).

She's had a huge trauma, I'm not surprised there are repercussions with her feeling panicked or stressed. She needs love, reassurance and help to deal with this stuff. Poor girl.

Take her to the GP. I hope she gets better soon.

QuestionableMouse · 27/08/2018 15:25

The first thing that came to mind for me was anemia. I had chest pain, palpertations, short of breath (throat closing?), tinnitus, felt exhausted and constantly on edge. I'd perhaps want to rule it out first.

herworldoutsideit · 27/08/2018 15:27

Yes, you definitely need to take her to the Doctor. Why are you worried about giving her the impression that there is something wrong with her. There very clearly is something wrong with her, whether a mental health issue, some type of PTSD or something else, and she has been communicating that clearly to you for sometime. She needs help. Please seek it out for her. And, please, please make sure your DH stops being angry with your troubled, and very young, child. She's been through a trauma that adults would struggle to deal with, and its clearly affected her deeply.. She needs compassion and she needs help.

cmlover · 27/08/2018 15:28

how horrid for her. it does sound like anxity, esp health anxity

I would do 2 things, first make a diary of times, days, What she's been doing and note what she's feeling. so you can see if there's a link or pattern. it will also be helpfull for rembering and will hopfully give your dd some control back.

explain to your dd that you believe her when she says these things but you think it's due to anxiety that she's feeling it. and you'll go to the doctor and talk about that with your gp. even show the dairy so he can see the symptoms of it

I think councling would be very beneficial to her.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2018 15:30

I would bet my life your daughter is suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD. She NEEDS to see a doctor. As soon as possible. The longer you air getting her the help she needs, the harder it will be to treat her.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 27/08/2018 15:34

Definitely take her to the GP and show her that you take her seriously; she might be genuinely unwell in the physical sense, but she could just as easily be suffering panic attacks or anxiety and to a young girl who's been through something so terrifying they will feel exactly the same.

I appreciate it's hard when you're tired with night wakings and delayed bedtimes but you must ask your DH to be as patient with her as he can; she needs your full support and understanding.

sadiekate · 27/08/2018 15:39

I agree completely with previous posters, especially @aquamarine1029. I don't think your daughter is physically ill. I think your daughter is dealing with a trauma and the knowledge that but for the grace of God her life could have changed permanently and dramatically.
She may need to see a counsellor or have some sort of mental health help but she does need help. And I can't stress how important it is that your husband doesn't get angry with her. I had mental health issues as a child. Anger makes everything worse.

Waitingforsherlock · 27/08/2018 15:47

Please take her for some counselling. She has had a huge trauma and is obviously having trouble processing what has happened. Eleven is a vulnerable age too with lots of transitions occurring. A skilled therapist will help get to the bottom of her fears.

MatildaTheCat · 27/08/2018 15:49

Write a list of the many complaints she has mentioned and say to the doctor that you have brought DD for a check up as she has been worrying since the accident.

She may be reassured enough by a check by the doctor or if not she may be signposted to some talking therapy.

CherryMaraschino · 27/08/2018 15:49

I agree with previous posters completely. My parents ignored/got furious with me when I had (very) similar symptoms as a child. I've had serious mental health problems as an adult, and I don't spend any time with my parents unless I have to.

SheldonSaysSo · 27/08/2018 15:54

Definitely take her to the GP to get checked physically as some of the symptoms may be down to a physical cause (eg. low iron/vitamins). By taking her it also shows her that you are listening when she is saying she is ill and not dismissing it. If the GP says physically she is okay this may help her too. This may be enough to resolve it on its own.

Shambu · 27/08/2018 15:54

As others have said it sounds like PTSD. You've nothing to gain from putting off going to the doctor.

You say she has 'no nightmares' but this disturbed sleep and anxiety is manifesting instead.

In the meantime before referral, try some lavender and chamomile tincture - a few drops in water before she goes to bed, or chamomile tea, to soothe her nerves a bit.

sprinklesandsauce · 27/08/2018 15:55

OP, you need to take her to the doctor and get her some help. You will be helping her, not pandering to her. As PP said, she could have PTSD, anxiety, anything, but clearly triggered by the accident. She is clearly still traumatised by it, maybe can't believe that she got away so lightly and that there must be something wrong with her now.

There is a long waiting list for CAHMS in most areas, so if you can afford it, then get her some private counselling, but please do take her to the doctor and get blood tests etc to rule out anything else also, because it should reassure your daughter.

Your DH needs to learn to be patient with Mental Health issues, your daughter can't help it.

I think that the fact that she is not talking about the accident says it all really.

BewareOfDragons · 27/08/2018 15:57

PTSD by the sounds of it. She needs help in the form of counselling. There is something wrong; she isn't coping. She needs help.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/08/2018 15:59

She could well have PTSD and this is how it is manifesting itself. Take her to the GP.

Agree with littlecandie

This sounds like PTSD. Please don't let your DH get angry with her - she is very vulnerable and needs comfort and reassurance to feel safe. It would be best to speak to your GP - she may need more help than you and your DH can give her.

Pippylou · 27/08/2018 16:00

It doesn't actually matter if it's "in her head" or a physical issue, it is real and being told it's not, really appears to not help.

Book a double appointment with the GP if you're worried about the 10-min rule. Does the school have an educational psychologist?

Missingstreetlife · 27/08/2018 16:03

Husband is an arse, trust your gut. If she can't talk about it can she write a story/poem about her feelings, draw a picture, visit where it happened, meet other kids who have had such trauma.....
Gp and pastoral care at school a good start. Best wishes

Missingstreetlife · 27/08/2018 16:05

Homeopath or cranial sacral therapist/children's osteopath may help

SinkGirl · 27/08/2018 16:09

It absolutely could be PTSD. However, in some people, conditions like ME and Fibromyalgia are triggered by a physical trauma. Some of the symptoms you mentioned can be caused by thyroid issues. I think it’s important that the doctor checks her out, and I don’t think that telling a child that their symptoms are in their head is helpful (I had the same all through my teens until I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 22). Even if these issues have a psychological cause, they’re still real to her (unless you think she’s fabricating them for attention, but even then I think seeing the GP for a mental health referral is important).

LakieLady · 27/08/2018 16:15

Oh the poor girl! She's had a very frightening trauma, followed by surgery and long spell recovering physically.

I'm not surprised she's feeling anxious and I think it's totally understandable. Counselling sounds like a good idea imo, and a big dose of patience for DH.

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