to put off taking DD to doctor (long post)

[LoobyLou1976]

Hi all, first post here!
My daughter has, in the past few months, been complaining of ALL sorts of health issues. One night it's that her heart is beating too fast, or that it's sore. Next night could be that she feels her throat is closing up, or that she can't swallow, or that there is too much phlegm in her throat. Perhaps its her back that's sore etc. You get the picture. A couple of weeks ago she was up several times a night saying that she could hear noises and screaming in her head. I was particularly worried about this as I have suffered from bad tinnitus the last 3 years and she has seen how this has affected me (long story) so this really worried me that she was either suffering from it or had picked up on my own health issue and somehow transferred it to herself.
The back story on this is that she is 11 years old and prior to what I am about to tell you, was a very healthy child with no health issues.

However in February of this year, she was involved in a serious car accident. She was chasing her friend across the street and was hit by a car. She was taken to hospital and ended up with some lacerations to her scalp, and had to have plastic surgery on her ear as it was quite ripped, as well as extensive bruising etc and bashes and bumps to her body, no broken bones thankfully - we were very lucky, it could have been much worse. The police told us afterwards that they found parts of her coat embedded in the car, so it was clearly a massive hit that she took. She is all healed up now, although her ear still has scars and took a while to heal.

She does not talk about the accident very much if at all, no nightmares etc.
The health worries started in the weeks following the accident.
When she is upset I try to calm her and tell her she is getting worked up and panicked and that everything is okay, that these issues are not really there and that what she is describing is more like a panic attack than anything else. But my DH is beginning to get very upset and angry with her getting up in the night / refusing to go to bed/drawing out bedtime with these 'health' issues.
I don't know if by taking her to the GP I am pandering to it and giving the issue a life of its own if that makes sense. I don't know even where to begin speaking to the GP, because she has so many concerns that its just overwhelming.
I don't know if there is something else that I need to be doing, will the GP suggest she speaks to a councellor or something similar?
I was hoping the issue would burn itself out but if anything, it seems to be getting worse.
I don't know what to do really, I just don't think I can fit all this into a 10 minute GP appointment!
Reading back on what I have written, if I were reading this as an outsider I would probably advise the person to take the child to the GP, but I am worried this will add fuel to the fire and give DD the impression that something is really wrong with her. Next step?

they’re still real to her (unless you think she’s fabricating them for attention

When a child is fabricating something for attention there is a reason whey they need attention. And a reason why they feel the need to fabricate, rather than being able to go to their parents directly with their concerns. Either way, its a troubled child signalling that they are troubled. It's their way of asking for help..

A significant amount of "psychological issues" stem directly from physical injuries and illness. It may be that she is having these symptoms as a result of the impact or in fact that the impact of accident has caused her brain to think she has these symptoms either way they need to be taken seriously. As whether they are real pains etc or her brain is making her think they are real; then they are real. Further medical investigations needed, I would also look at complimentary medicine too. The main thing is, do not treat her as if she is making it up. She isn't.

I think counseling is in order too, but definitely go to the GP first. As PPs have said, sometimes fibromyalgia and other chronic pain syndromes can be triggered by physical trauma. (I spent time working with a GP who did half-time chronic pain specialty work. I don't know HOW many times the patient started off with, "Well, I was in 2 or 3 car accidents...") Always try to rule out a physical cause first.

If it truly is anxiety, taking her to be seen isn't pandering. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Prior to going on medication it was akin to having a music player set on continuous run in my head, generating things about which to get anxious. Believe me, I wasn't doing it for attention. If there was an "off" button, I would have hit it in about 3 seconds. But there isn't. Medication and counseling provided the "off" switch. A licensed provider will be able to help you determine the best course of action for your DD.

GP without question. If only I'd gone sooner with my dd I wouldn't be in this current nightmare. Make the appointment asap - please.

herworld agreed, that’s why I said that even if that’s the case she needs to see a doctor

Yes, SinkGirl, I know you did. I was just wanting to elaborate on that a bit more for OP as it is such an important point, and because she had been worried about 'adding fuel to the fire' by taking her daughter seriously..

So really my post was to OP, not you, but I guess that wasn't clear.

Definitely mental health, she needs help.

Please see the GP with her or on your own first and then with her.

She has had a serious trauma with the accident and I suspect that that and these health worries are connected.

Whether the things she is feeling are really there or whether they are linked to anxiety surrounding the accident, they need investigating.

I was in a car accident, though as an adult and in different circumstances to your daughter. It took well over 2 years for me to feel as though I had recovered from the trauma. As an adult, I was able to recognise that what I was experiencing was linked to the accident and sought help but a child may not be able to do so.

I sympathise and empathise. Your story pretty much mirrors our exact experience. We left it too long because there were no physical injuries with our DD but we neglected the mental health implications. I won't go into long details here, but she did eventually get support from the counsellor at school but then, having researched the best way forward, we paid privately for a Child Psychologist who diagnosed PTSD and helped with coping strategies. The GP was basically rubbish other than advising NOT to go to CAHMS, because DD was too young, and the experience would damage her more than help her! DD still hasn't talked about the accident though, and will, I suspect, always have a certain level of anxiety. She now copes better, but we had a terrible Year 8 and Year 9, by Year 10 she has come through the worst, but still needs a lot of support and understanding. If you want to direct message me, please do.

My son has anxiety as a result of my illness (I had a heart attack when he was six)
He's had counselling through Cahms, and it was really helpful. I really think you need to get her some help, starting at gps, but you can self refer to Cahms afaik.

The screaming sound in her head to me was telling. My DC has had this twice. Both times at high stress periods in their life when they were outwardly coping but inwardly not.

Definitely anxiety based for my DC so with everything she’s been though I would recommend a trip to the GP soon.

Jeez poor girl. Nearly scalped on the road, she must be utterly traumatised. Of course this is what is manifesting itself. Your dh must be some sort of complete cock to be angry with her. You need to take her to a psychiatrist or psychologist for diagnosis/treatment. This could easily escalate as she enters puberty.

Your dh must be some sort of complete cock to be angry with her.

The medical term for "a complete cock" is "total wankwit". I suspect he has overtones "twattedness" as well.

You DD needs professional help; you DH can be assisted by a good, and kick up the arse.

My dd2 is the same age and had major surgery last year - involved a prolonged stay in hospital which was painful and traumatic. She was diagnosed with PTSD and we've had 6 months of therapy which has been fantastically useful. Not just for her but for me in knowing how to deal with the situation.

One word of caution though - we found the NHS provision woeful and paid privately for therapy.

Are you bringing a PI claim against the driver (not saying you should don't know the exact circumstances)? If you are then psychiatric assessment and treatment is something that could be pursued against the car's insurance.

Thank you all for the replies.
I will definitely take her to the GP this week. I tentatively asked her in the kitchen a moment ago if she thought maybe she would like to speak to someone other than me about her accident, and she didn't dismiss it outright which is good. I know this needs to be addressed but have been hoping I could deal with it on my own.
We have no plans to pursue the driver, because as far as we know (and from what the police have pieced together) she was the one who ran out in front of the car (who was not speeding) after her friend. The driver actually was the one who ran from house to house looking for help (her mobile phone was dead) and stayed with her until the police and paramedics arrived - the road was closed, there were 5 police cars and two ambulances, it was all very chaotic, neck braces etc sirens blaring all the way to hospital. MRI scans and the whole nine yards. DH was on the scene after DDs friends parents called him, so he saw (and I'm sure was traumatised too)everything. I went straight to hospital when I got the call. DH went in ambulance with DD after abandoning his car and running to the scene of the accident because the police had closed the road and he couldn't get near. So I'm sure part of his anger/angst also comes from the fact that he wants to forget it. He was in bits at the time (but I'm not excusing his behaviour). Anyway, we told the police to pass on to the driver that we didn't blame her and that DD was ok etc and to contact us if she wanted, but we never heard back from her. We have no plans to pursue anything because we really don't blame her.
Thanks again all for your input.