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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have reported this?

31 replies

thinkingofthechildren · 27/08/2018 10:21

This could probably out me so I have N/C but have been around for a while (naice ham, penis beaker, cancel the cheque, etc, etc).. I am going to leave out as many identifying details as possible but will try and give a decent idea of the situation.

Someone I know (we used to be very close but fell out a year or so ago but we still have mutual friends, and I am close to her ex-p) has been in an abusive relationship and as a result social services are now involved. She has two DC under the age of six and has been told that she needs to make changes or it's likely she will lose them. She has some pretty severe mental health issues and also drinks/takes drugs. She has had a tough life and I am not condemning her for the things she does/has done but I genuinely believe that (right now, at least) those children would be better off being cared for by someone else. She refuses to engage with social services though, or do anything that's asked of her - the main thing being to cut contact with the abusive partner which definitely hasn't happened as she and her DC are still living with him (although they are trying to pretend that this is not the case). There's a lot more to it but I don't want to say too much.

So, social services are obviously now looking at removing the DC from her care and she has decided that the way to deal with this is to try and leave the country. A mutual friend sent me screenshots of messages in a total panic last night which showed that she is clearly trying to make plans to run away with her children and the abusive partner, to stop social services 'stealing' them. Her ex-p (father of the children) has also sent me messages saying that she has told him that they would all be better off dead, that sort of thing. AIBU to have called 101 and told them what I know? If I thought there was any other way to resolve things then I wouldn't have done it but I am scared for those poor DC who must just want a stable and loving home and are just being neglected and treated badly.

OP posts:
Pinkunicorndog · 27/08/2018 10:22

I'd have done the same.

CiderwithBuda · 27/08/2018 10:24

Definitely done the right thing. If she isn’t in a position to put the children first someone needs to be. Well done.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/08/2018 10:24

I would too Flowers

BrewDoggy · 27/08/2018 10:25

Yes you need to report it ASAP. This children deserve a better mum.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/08/2018 10:25

Can their dad have them?

mimibunz · 27/08/2018 10:26

Not unreasonable at all! She’s too messed up to think clearly but the children will be better off away from her.

supadupapupascupa · 27/08/2018 10:27

You did the right thing x

Slartybartfast · 27/08/2018 10:28

that is sad

Maelstrop · 27/08/2018 10:32

@AnneLovesGilbert the abusive not so ex partner is the father.

CanuckBC · 27/08/2018 10:34

You absolutely did the right thing. Children often don’t have their own voice and need the adults to speak up for them.

They may never know it but you may have saved them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/08/2018 10:36

I read it as the ex was the father, still friendly with OP and forwarded messages from the mum to the OP saying mum thinks she’d be better off dead.

If so, he should be taking steps to have the DC.

But I may have got it wrong.

brokenharbour · 27/08/2018 10:36

I read it as the ex partner is the father of the children and still in touch with the op (so obviously not abusive partner)

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2018 10:37

@maelstrop

I think that OP is friends with the children’s dad - not the abusive not-so-ex...

Original poster
thinkingofthechildren · 27/08/2018 10:40

Thanks for your replies, it's nice to know lots of you would have done the same..

Ex-p (Dad - not abusive partner!) can't have the DC at the moment. He has been unwell and can't work/live alone at the moment. He is recovering well though and would love to have the DC permanently once he is well enough, he just needs a bit of time to be in a place where he can do that.

OP posts:
Babyblues052 · 27/08/2018 10:41

Of course you done the right thing. Those children need protecting.

Original poster
thinkingofthechildren · 27/08/2018 10:41

But obviously he won't ever get that chance if she runs away with them Sad and they won't have the chance of a normal life. It's such a mess.

OP posts:
LaMainDeFatima · 27/08/2018 10:43

Yes . Right thing

NotTakenUsername · 27/08/2018 10:46

You have done the right thing, and I would follow up with social services too so the information isn’t lost or not forwarded by the police.

And I’m usually a nose out type person.

arranfan · 27/08/2018 10:51

YANBU - as others have said, the safety of the children is paramount here.

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2018 10:53

100% right thing.

Poor kids.

Cloglover · 27/08/2018 10:59

Yes, you did the right thing. The children need to be away from the abusive partner. And if the mother thinks they are all better off dead, away from her too.

Original poster
thinkingofthechildren · 27/08/2018 11:15

I've just had a call back from one of the police officers who has been involved in her case (there was a serious incident a couple of months ago which has led to all of this) and they are going to try and contact her to see if they can find out what's going on. Apparently there are things relating to the case which mean that they shouldn't be leaving the country either, so the police will be involved on that side of things but will be making a referral to the child safeguarding team as well.

OP posts:
bevelino · 27/08/2018 11:30

The children’s father should have reported the situation himself so that the police had a first hand account.

Original poster
thinkingofthechildren · 27/08/2018 12:00

He has been in touch with social services himself but hadn't been made aware of the more recent 'leaving the country' development so he didn't mention that. I have told him now, of course, and he is beside himself with worry but can't do anything more.

OP posts:
stillnotTheDoctor · 27/08/2018 12:06

Makes me sick when people prioritise a partner over their kids. I know it's not easy to get out of an abusive relationship but with ss etc involved she's got all the help she needs to get out.

You absolutely did the right thing.

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