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Original poster

That Dh is planning a trip away

34 replies

FuckedRightOff · 26/08/2018 23:18

to Las Vegas with his friends behind my back.

I discovered this by accident when I was forwarding some photos he took on his phone to my phone when I spotted the 'Vegas' group, which had been archived, presumably so I wouldn't see it! I felt hurt that he has not discussed it with me first as we will have a newborn at the time they plan to go. And also as his friends were saying to book it without telling me, it left a nasty taste in my mouth.

DH has several holidays a year and has been away with friends before and I have never stood in his way, but I felt upset by this trip being planned behind my back.

What would you do if it was your DH?

OP posts:
BrokenFlipflop · 26/08/2018 23:22

I would feel upset. It's a shite thing for him to do. Why on earth would he hide it? Does he have form for that level of twattery?

Where is the money coming from? Did he think you wouldn't notice thousands of pounds leaving the bank account.

Are you pregnant with your first child?

RedSkyLastNight · 26/08/2018 23:24

If it were my DH I'd say I'd seen some messages about a Vegas trip and was this something he was planning to do. And most likely DH would say it was something he'd discussed with friends but he'd decided not to go, hence not mentioning it. Why wouldnt you just ask him about it?

BanginChoons · 26/08/2018 23:24

Are you sure he actually wants to go?

Original poster
FuckedRightOff · 26/08/2018 23:25

Yes he wants to go, he is key instigator in suggesting dates.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 26/08/2018 23:27

Geez what a fucking shit thing to do to you.

ThinkingCat · 26/08/2018 23:29

I would try to discuss with him his feelings and responsibilities about being a father, which he doesn't seem to be prioritising. Is he in denial about the baby?

Pinkandproud · 26/08/2018 23:30

Ugh. Sorry he sounds like a shit. Are you going to talk to him?

LuckyDiamond · 26/08/2018 23:30

Why is he not telling you?

How is he going to get a trip to fucking Vegas past you?

MrTrebus · 26/08/2018 23:32

Um honestly this behaviour would set all sorts of alarm bells ringing for me. I'd take a really long look through his phone for other things and probably be sneaky like ask him when his next trips away might be and see if he lies. I could not be with a liar or someone that would go to those lengths to hide stuff from me. If this is your first baby this doesn't bode well for how he'll be as a father but then again the baby might straighten him out and he'll be amazing. I'd test the waters to see his reaction before confronting him with it head on.

divainred · 26/08/2018 23:33

Wouldn’t Let him go infact your kinder then me no way would I let him go away I’d sooner be single then have that

timeisnotaline · 26/08/2018 23:33

I’d be... radically pissed off, to say the least. Is it your first baby? Either way you are not being unreasonable blowing your top. The money should be a joint consideration and it is shitty timing , chances are you will need him. The lying is the icing on the cake for it all being shitty shitty behaviour. Actually no- he was the one to suggest dates? He chose that as a good time?thats the icing on the cake. I think for that I’d consider going to a hotel or friends for the night -but with all this context, I’d come back and tell him I can’t make him do anything, but if he went, while I might not leave him, I wouldn’t ever look at him the same way or fully trust him to have my back in times I needed him. In which case what kind of relationship is it?

timeisnotaline · 26/08/2018 23:34

Or ask him to leave for a few days, instead of you going. He’s obviously dying to leave for a few days anyway.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/08/2018 23:36

Regardless of the trip he's absolutely happy to hide things from you to get his own way. That's not what a decent person does.

And planning a trip without discussion when you will have a newborn? He's an arsehole. And so are his friends.

WineIsMyMainVice · 26/08/2018 23:37

Sorry but this is shit on so many levels.
Is this your first child?
Why has he archived the messages?
Has he hidden things from you before?
Sorry for all the questions but these are important factors I think.
More importantly, what is your gut feel, and what do you want to do?

HollowTalk · 26/08/2018 23:38

This guy is not part of the family, is he? He's utterly selfish.

BasicUsername · 26/08/2018 23:41

"What would you do if it was your DH?"

I would ask him why the fuck he is keeping secrets from me. Then I'd ask him why the fuck he allowed his friends to speak disrespectfully of me.

Have you spoken about how your lifestyles will have to change when the baby arrives? Does he usually discuss it with you before he books trips away with friends? Are his trips funded by shared finances, or are your finances separate?

Nothisispatrick · 26/08/2018 23:42

Urm how exactly did he expect to hide it from you long term?

Poptart4 · 27/08/2018 00:03

I cant stand liars, they boil my blood.

There is so much wrong with this op. Firstly hes arranging this behind your back. His friends are encouraging him to lie to you. What else are they encouraging him to lie about? Hes planning this for when you have a new born. The cost...

Hes acting like a single man right now. How's he going to act when he gets to Vegas?

I wouldn't trust him as far as i could spit.

OctaviaOctober · 27/08/2018 00:17

I'd tell him to go to Vegas and not come back. He sounds like one of those men who would rather marry his mates if it were made an option.

Gojira · 27/08/2018 00:34

I'm assuming you're pregnant with your first child?

If so, he is really setting the tone for things to come.

He can't swan off on several lads holidays per year with a new baby! He sounds like a bellend.

Needahairbrush · 27/08/2018 00:40

I would honestly say he would be going to Vegas over my dead body if we had a newborn.
You need to make a stand about this now and tell him he needs to show you where his priorities lie- Mates & single holidays vs money, you, newborn baby and being a dad.

onlyk · 27/08/2018 01:14

By the sounds of your post it’s the hiding he’s planning a trip and the timing of the trip. So assuming you’re ok about the money involved and generally going away with mates as that’s normal pre-baby.

I think you are right to be pissed off since in the past you’ve never had an issue with him going on holiday so he must on some level realise that to pop off on holiday and leave you with a newborn is a shitty thing to do. He maybe hoping that if he books it before telling you thus “ would lose money if he cancelled” .

I would definitely confront him now about it.

How you handle it is up to you but making clear your expectations post baby should be part of the discussion as well as the above not being ok.

For example - I’ve a friend who husband was maybe similar to yours ( ie lads weekends away etc) who basically told her husband that upto one month before due date and the year after under no circumstances was he going off with his mates. It did mean about 6 weeks before he had a week away but it seemed to work.

timeisnotaline · 27/08/2018 07:55

My post was a bit garbled as I wasn’t sure if I was too tired to be reasonae. Thinking about it I agree - major issues with the lying and the planning to piss off and leave me and baby which need working through. If he actually went or didn’t respond suitably to discussing the issues it would be the end.

TidyDancer · 27/08/2018 08:39

I wouldn't care about him going to Las Vegas but clearly it's the timing and the secrecy that's the problem here. I'd probably play dumb for now and ask him when he next plans to go away and laugh if he says when the baby is newborn.

OctaviaOctober · 27/08/2018 09:42

I hope he'snot planning to use his paternal leave to take this holiday?

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