To think I’m just always going to be lonely

[hardlymovebuttravelling]

I’ll probably get a load of abuse for this and I know that being married to a cruel, nasty, ignorant or neglectful man would be worse.

But I feel it’s just not really possible to avoid loneliness. Friends aren’t the answer as you’d need however many hundreds of friends to actually spend all your evening and weekend and holiday time with.

I know that’s a whiny post sorry.

I’m not really interested in advice crimson thanks all the same for your kindness

What about an internet friend/online dating chat thing? Do you have a dog?
Just having contact with someone or something living can help, even if it’s a dog sleeping next to your bed.

I quite like dogs but I wouldn’t really want to have one to be honest. Plus I work full time.

Hey OP
Thanks for the wake up call!
Bank holiday Monday, raining, partner and son wanting to do entirely different things, I sometimes wish I could be single again... But your post cracked my rose tinted glasses!
You are so right, it's easy to forget what being single really is...lonely!!
I don't have any ideas, just hope that your life suddenly changes dramatically for the better.
Chin up.

Hi OP

I know exactly how you feel. I am single and live alone. I feel like nobody would notice if I wasn't here. It's really really hard.

xx

OP it does suck. We all need community and connection but the way society is structured it’s hard to get that unless you’re lucky enough to be part of a loving family. Which a lot of people aren’t.

The only thing you can do is find a way to distract yourself. And try not to get in a situation where you’re alone for such a long time.

I get it OP. I felt like this before DP and DD. I had friends (bloody good ones actually). Weekends with no plans seemed to stretch on forever and there was nobody to care what I'd eaten for dinner. I may long for a few hours on my own now and then but I still appreciate how very lucky I am to have my little family.

OP of course the answer is to find yourself a partner (not saying this is for everyone but it seems to be what OP is longing for). What steps have you taken to making this happen? Is there anything you feel that is standing in your way that you can change? How old are you?

OP it’s so hard.

There have been many many threads like yours I’ve read over the years - it’s a reoccurring theme. And always the same comments:

• people saying it’s lonelier in bad relationships.
• people telling the OP to volunteer/take classes/get a dog.
• people getting irritated with the OP for not immediately gasping in delight and saying they’ve given her the answer.

Obviously posters all want to help but maybe you just started this thread to express your feelings and experience reciprocation? To feel heard.

I hear you. Loneliness is tough. These things can change though, hang in there

I don't get lonely.. I get restless.
A weird feeling of wanting to do something but not knowing what I want to do.
I spend so long looking on Google and Google maps for things to do that by the time I decide, I've ran out of time to do them.

If you like dogs, maybe look at the borrow my dog site? Get the benefits of walking a dog without actually owning one. What else do you like doing/ are you interested in?

I can remember feeling really, really lonely during my mid to late thirties. I was convinced that everyone else had a partner and that I was a bit of a failure because I had not had one, long term relationship.

I met someone through a dating site and married quickly. Now, to cut a long story short, I wish I had taken a bit more care and time in choosing a partner.

So, whilst I believe it is wise to try to do something proactive about the feelings of loneliness, don't let these feelings cause you to make rash decisions.

@changedu5ername

Yes, with the exception of the dating site, that happened to me at 35, I felt 'out of the loop' and like a spare wheel constantly. I jumped into something which was swathed in red flags, and then through sheer pigheadedness I refused to let go - not because I couldn't see what was going on, or because I was blinded by love even, because I didn't want to fail
Bloody stupid.
But I'm here again wondering if I'll have a human to share my life with after DD has flown - and it won't be long. As it stands my company is probably going to be of the 4 legged variety - and as much as I love them, and appreciate them, it's not the same.

Similar circumstances indeed! Youngest DS has almost grown up and my house is filling with cats...

Absolutely reasonable post and I'm not understanding why so many posters seek to minimise OP's feelings by stating there are worse case scenarios (no shit Sherlock) or by dispensing advice.

Can we not just let people gave their feelings?

Loneliness is a huge issue.

I understand the feeling. I do have some enjoyment in my own company but sometimes I realise I haven't spoken to a single solitary person in over a month and it's just crushing. The longest conversations I had this month was 5 mins with my dad when he picked up my rubbish and a sentence about the weather in the local chipshop. So I just write things on here, killing threads and getting roundly ignored. Sometimes you want someone to chitter chat with but I've had to accept being alone is my reality now.

*Absolutely reasonable post and I'm not understanding why so many posters seek to minimise OP's feelings by stating there are worse case scenarios (no shit Sherlock) or by dispensing advice.

Can we not just let people gave their feelings?

Loneliness is a huge issue.*

^ This

Our society is structured in a way that almost promotes isolation.

We often live far from our family and where we grew up, we commute long distances to work so often have minimal connections to where we live (worse if you don't have children) and community activities (like church) are no longer the norm.

Bold fail

I think I get what you mean, OP.
I love living on my own. I work full time, I have a dog, a horse, I am out most evenings ‘doing stuff’ with other people. I’m close to my siblings and my cousins, I ‘chat’ pretty much constantly with friends on WhatsApp etc. I feel like I’m constantly busy & never have time for everything.

BUT...no one loves me best. I struggle to think who to put on forms as an ‘emergency contact’. I love the dog, but actually sometimes he makes me feel more alone, because there’s no one to share the responsibility or the worry about him. Ditto the house/ the car/ money/ the future- sometimes it would just be nice to be part of a team.

OK, so you say you have been off work for two weeks, yes?

What did you do in that time? Maybe if you describe what you did, you will get better advice on how you could do things differently so that you would feel better? Otherwise posters are not going to be giving relevant or targeted advice which is what you require I think rather than a load of flowers and sympathy.

@GoldilocksAndTheThreePears

killing threads Your day just got better. This one’s alive and kicking! 🤩