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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for your opinion?

67 replies

Theunmumsymummy · 26/08/2018 11:46

I was having a conversation with Dsis about having the coil put in when niece (12) asked what it was. We explained to her and she came back a few minutes later with the comment that if everybody (I'm going to assume she meant women) had them put in at birth and then not taken off again until they were an adult then you could effectively get rid of teen pregnancies. I mentioned it to a friend and she said that someone should have to prove that they're capable and mature enough to be a good parent before they have it taken out. My mum was a social worker and I grew up with stories of kids who grew up in awful conditions, not because the parents were cruel but simply because they were incompetent. I know that it couldn't really happen and that it's slightly Orwellian but I thought it was an interesting idea and just wondered what you thought about it.
Please don't bite my head off .

OP posts:

ElainaElephant · 26/08/2018 12:29

Of course teenage girls 'should' be able to be pregnant. It's biology!

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:30

Why are you droning on about teen pregnancies?

I was pregnant as a teenager, I had a baby girl, you just try suggesting anyone should hurt her. There’s something wrong with you love

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 12:34

Theunmumsymummy

What is it you think happens on someone's 20th birthday that renders them suddenly more suitable to get pregnant?

My body evolved so that I could get pregnant when I started menstruating, which was a good 8 years before I was, in your eyes, 'fit' to do so. Why is it anything to do with you?

ProudThrilledHappy · 26/08/2018 12:34

they can't see anyone arguing that teenage girls should be able to get pregnant.

I’ll tell that to my good friend who really struggled at school due to dyslexia and her mum being diagnosed as schizophrenic so was taken into care, got pregnant at 14 and spent 19 years as an amazing single mother whose daughter has just been accepted to study law at a top ten uni.

By the way she also studied part time to get herself a trade while raising her daughter so is now self employed and quite comfortable.

She will very proudly tell anyone that having a teenage pregnancy most likely saved her life.

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:37

The thing is I am the first to say that teenage pregnancies are not ideal. For one thing, it breaks the law (obviously talking about under 16s) and you are more likely to live in poverty, less likely to complete your education, we all know there are social issues.

I have no objection to anyone pointing that out; it isn’t true in my case, but it hasn’t been easy.

However, you prevent teenage pregnancies through addressing the social issues that cause them to come about. Not by hurting babies

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/08/2018 12:37

That is a horrible idea. No one has the right to play God to a woman's body, and make decisions on human life, other than the woman herself.

MeyMary · 26/08/2018 12:39

I wouldn't be upset about a child making a comment like this. She's thinking about what we could do against a very real problem and came up with a (frankly absolutely disgusting!) solution. The fact that adults aren't sure where they stand is however rather disgusting.

Why?

Bodily integrity of our female children. This would be a frankly unnecessary and ime painful procedure (I had a coil before ttc. I think I nearly fainted...)
As you said: eugenics!
It wouldn't work. The coil can't just be left in....
Medical issues: It could be dangerous. A hormonal IUD is obviously out but we don't know what a copper coil might do to a developing body either...
Side effects. A state policy forcing its female (or all...) citizens to ensure them because some pregnant people may be unable to care for their children is obviously absolutely barbaric.
It would put the onus (once again!!) on women and girls...

Original poster

Theunmumsymummy · 26/08/2018 12:40

For those asking what the fuck is wrong with me I'd like to point out that if you'd actually read the post you'd see that this wasn't actually my idea, I'm just asking your opinion on it.
And yes, I am aware that there are people who have babies as teenagers and are wonderful parents but I'm fairly sure that just because it works out for some people doesn't make it a good thing.

OP posts:

MeyMary · 26/08/2018 12:43

A state policy its female (or all...) citizens to ensure endure them because some pregnant people may be unable to care for their children is obviously absolutely barbaric.

And anyhow, doctor inserting an object up a baby's privates for no medical reason is a bit too close to child sexual abuse.

The whole idea makes me a tad nauseous, tbh.

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:44

Have you had a baby girl? Can you imagineinserting something into her vagina?

The fact that someone else said it is neither here nor there, she’s a child, she doesn’t understand. You do.

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 12:44

Theunmumsymummy

What people are saying is that there is something wrong with you if you give this a second's thought.

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:44

Exactly Pengggwn

MeyMary · 26/08/2018 12:46

For those asking what the fuck is wrong with me I'd like to point out that if you'd actually read the post you'd see that this wasn't actually my idea, I'm just asking your opinion on it.

And yet you're not entirely sure where you stand. And your adult friend and mother don't seem like the find the idea particularly objectionable...

It actually sounds like said friend rather likes the idea:
I mentioned it to a friend and she said that someone should have to prove that they're capable and mature enough to be a good parent before they have it taken out.

justilou1 · 26/08/2018 12:47

Interesting, but your 12 year old niece also needs to be told that they don’t always work for everyone, and they don’t work for a woman’s reproductive lifetime, and certainly doesn’t address “safe” sex at all. Not all kids understand the contraception only prevents babies, not diseases. While I think it’s commendable that she is being empowered by learning about contraception, this is very simplistic and she needs to learn a lot more about her body, STI’s, etc as well. I say that as the mother of a 14 yo daughter and b/g twins of 12. I am also working very hard to teach my kids the concept of consent as well.

MeyMary · 26/08/2018 12:48

What people are saying is that there is something wrong with you if you give this a second's thought.

Yes. The reaction of your mother and that friend are even worse...

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:49

As I have said, I do not think teenage pregnancy is a good thing. However, the idea of eradicating it by putting coils into baby girls is just utterly revolting.

I have just googled the insertion of the coil. Most adult women experienced some discomfort - cramps and so on - as adults. Can you imagine the agony a baby would go through?

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 12:50

immortalmarble

And the unnecessary hormone changes in a baby? This is just flat out disgusting, isn't it?

I'm not sure it is a troll actually.

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 12:50

*isn't

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:53

I really hope this is a troll.

This has really, really upset me. What sort of sick person thinks that hurting a baby like this is acceptable?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 26/08/2018 12:54

It's no different to mutilation and abuse. Disgusting.
Also, who would decide when the girl is fit to become a parent and what defines good enough? Career, enough money, own home etc? We are not living under a dictatorship.

Original poster

Theunmumsymummy · 26/08/2018 12:55

Okay, I'm very fucking sorry for starting this and will retreat from Mumsnet in the future. Admittedly, starting a thread that's not about comparing cleaning products or whether a three year old is ready to start mandarin lessons on a website like this wasn't a great idea on my part.

OP posts:

immortalmarble · 26/08/2018 12:57

Why are you so shocked that people are disgusted at shoving things up the vaginas of newborn baby girls? Many of us had or had baby girls or any baby for that matter.

Have you not had a smear test? Did it not hurt a bit? How about when you lost your virginity?

Insertion into the vagina is PAINFUL.

Pengggwn · 26/08/2018 12:58

Theunmumsymummy

No, the good people of MN aren't idiots, OP. They are capable of abstraction and nuanced discussion. In general, however, starting a thread about a topic you find "edgy" and difficult to make a judgement about, when everyone else thinks it's plain as the nose beneath the Sphinx's feet, is a bad idea.

MeyMary · 26/08/2018 13:00

It's also sad (but not unexpected...) that women and girls would be put through considerable suffering and would be the one forced to prove their suitability. Men however wouldn't be targeted by a policy like that.

Yes, fitting a coil hurt a lot (at least in my case). It also made my periods worse.

My periods were horrendous as a young teen and the idea of enduring them with a mandatory coil is actually nauseating.

The idea of forcing anyone to go through this (especially a baby or a young girl) is barbaric.

And the fact that your mother - a social worker! - and this friend's parent (even though she's the mother of a girl) seem to actually consider or may even endorse an idea like this idea(in the case of your friend)?

It's honestly disturbing.

BitchQueen90 · 26/08/2018 13:01

Teenage girls should be able to get pregnant if they want.

Is it ideal? No. Is it anyone else's business and should that option be forcefully taken away from them? NO.

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