AIBU baby showers

[wanderingcloud]

Been invited to a baby shower for a colleague's third baby.

Is this a thing now????

I thought a baby shower was for first time parents, who need "baby stuff" not second/third babies where you already have all the stuff!

AIBU?!

YANBU! The tradition in America is that it's only for a first baby, you never throw it for yourself and you never expect guests to pay to attend. And it's for women only. The custom has been perverted in the UK and is very grabby indeed. Don't enable it by going. Just decline.

I don't subscribe to them at all

But you do when you go along with someone's grabbyness. Otherwise you decline and send along a gift after the baby's born.

I've been to two. Both 2017 babies.

I'd really rather not but hate to be rude.

Glad they weren't a thing when I had my two.

I'm going to get better at having prior engagements.

CoalTit

So I can’t be bored of a topic and simultaneously annoyed by the topic? Bored of a topic doesn’t mean bored in general.

I do understand what baby showers are - they are a celebration of a baby in utero. Gifts are not an essential part of this. It irritates me that gifts being demanded is somehow the reputation that showers have and therefore they receive all this disdain.

Left

DH's acquaintance. DH's money. I'm not going to leave him to go alone when she invited us all and he's usually antisocial.

I hate them. They're tacky and grabby. Buy stuff for your baby yourself. Don't have a 'buy things for my baby party'.
If people want to give you presents then that's up to them, but there's no need to have a party for it.

I don't know anyone in real life who doesn't like a baby shower, as an attendee or a recipient.i agree for a 3rd baby it's a bit excessive but for a first baby it's an opportunity to gather with your friends, have tea and bit of cake and receive any presents that they want to give you- not that you have demanded.
Most people like to buy a gift for a pregnant friend or family member- why not do it as a little gathering.
I don't understand the animosity towards them on here, I enjoy attending them for people I care about.

Someone’s insisting on doing one for me this time, I never had one with DS.

I’m not the biggest fan but I don’t hate them either. I’m neutral on them.

Agree with previous poster who said that we in the UK haven't adopted the proper etiquette with regard to baby showers (yes, gasp, Americans have etiquette too!)
Rule 1: never ever, ever organise/host your own shower. Ever. This is a job for a close friend or grandparents/aunty or uncle to to be etc.
Rule 2: baby showers are for first babies only. Not subsequent babies.

Then just enjoy. You don't have to have gifts. You can stipulate no gifts or maybe ask people to bring a small book or something or whatever you are comfortable with. Anyone who doesn't agree with wishing the mother to be well doesn't have to come.

My friend had one organised and found the baby had died. It all had to be cancelled and brought her extra pain and suffering. It was bloody awful. She has a lovely little girl now but wanted low key.

Tom yeah, that's why it's frowned upon to do it in my culture. I've heard stories like these from friends and colleagues and it's so painfully sad.

The only one I have been to was organised by an American friend, long before they were a thing over here. It was actually quite sweet and was far more a woman only party where women shared tips and stories.

Yep, all the ones here are low key and not grabby at all. We also don't do them for subsequent babies.

Seems the UK is the one to totally bastardize an "American import" so you've only got yourselves to blame!

I still don't understand why people don't wait till after the child's birth for a celebration and presents. Clearly used to be christening/baptism/bris (fill in where appropriate) but surely something similar and non religious would be ok? Perhaps stroke can illuminate?

I have been to three. Unfortunately in two of the cases the pregnancies ended with still born children. I don't think I could face going to another one if I was invited. I know it is exciting to look forward to the birth of a child but I do think every one makes the assumption that all will go well. and that sadly isn't the case.

”a celebration of a baby in utero”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so ridiculous....

As above posters have said, my experience when living in the USA was that second and subsequent children you had a ‘sprinkle’ which was just an excuse to meet up before the baby came - no big gifts expected

I’ve never had a baby shower, or been to one, but if someone wanted to have one for their third (or subsequent baby) it wouldn’t bother me at all.

I think they are something some people tend to have strong views on but I would just decline the invitation if it bothered me —unless it meant I’d be missing out on AfternoonTea—.

I don't like them at all.

I can't imagine hosting a party with the sole intention of being showered with gifts. I note that others have stated that they did not expect gifts at their baby shower, but it is generally understood that it is the sole intention of the party.

I think the American version sounds a bit better, as the etiquette is far more established.

Sunnymeg that is awful. I must admit I don’t like getting invites for them.

I've never had or been to one
Can't see the point
Very American I think
And a bit indulgent
Often not arranged by the mum to be so not really their fault..more the fault of a well meaning friend but I'd be embarrassed if one had been arranged for me!

Depends on the situation. Organised by the mum to be (or under the instruction of) they are grabby and attention seeking. Organised as a surprise, they can be nice unless there's a strict expectation to adhere to a present list or a particular cost.

I went to one recently for a mum who was expecting her 2nd child, it was a surprise and there were no expectations. It was really lovely, we had lunch, bought little token gifts and talked about babies for a few hours. It was relaxed and lovely.

I read somewhere that baby showers are becoming much more popular as
Less people are getting married before having children 💁‍♀️

AllesAusLiebe

Explain why it’s ridiculous please? It’s just a literal description.

Also to people about pregnancies going wrong - it’s devastating, of course, but the chance of it happening at 8 months is about 1%.

It’s a ridiculous statement for many reasons:

1. the vast majority of people in your life really don’t care that you have a baby in utero. They’ll be pleased for you, sure, but life goes on, they have their own lives and own shit to deal with.

1. there is nothing to celebrate until the safe arrival of a baby. I even say this as someone who had 4 years of ttc and fertility treatment to conceive my son. Nothing is a given.

1. what is also ridiculous is the notion that one can only ‘celebrate’ by surrounding themselves with others, many of whom will provide gifts and food. My husband and I ‘celebrated’ the fact that we were about to become parents and there was no way that I was going to have that experience cheapened by shit party games and tacky accessories.