Women being pitted against each other - ecs vs natural Labour

[Poptart4]

Firstly i dont care what way you have chosen to give birth. Its your body and whatever works for you is fine by me. I believe women should have the right to choose whats best for them. But....

I have noticed on these boards and others that whenever the subject of women choosing to have a c-section over a vaginal delivery comes up, the women who have had an elective c-section go on the defensive and start attacking and insulting women who've given birth naturally.

Comments like 'id rather have a section than a saggy vagina' or 'at least im not incontinent'.... And other nasty comments.

As a woman who has given birth vaginally 3 times including a forcep delivery i dont suffer from either and find the statements highly insulting.

Yes i know that these are possible side effects to giving birth and alot of people unfortunately do suffer but a lot don't. And why should the women who do suffer be put down for giving birth naturally.

Whats never mentioned is the bad side effects to having a c-section. I know a woman whose scar got infected and the poor woman spent 2 years with green smelly ooze leaking from her tummy. I know others who are left with a flap of skin hanging over their scar. I could go on but my point is there are pros and cons to both c-section and vaginal deliveries and women should be informed on both.

There is an article in a British paper today about ecs and the comments board is full of women pointing out the possible side effects to a natural delivery in a nasty way and again nothing is mentioned of the possible side effects of a c-section.

I just find it sad that women feel the need to attack each other. If your happy and confident with your decision then you shouldnt have to put other women down to justify your decision.

Why cant we just support each others right to chose without the insulting put downs??

In your OP, you've done exactly the same to women who have had a c section as you're complaining happens to women who have had a natural delivery. This is the most antagonistic OP I've seen on the subject.

I suggest you begin with you.

To the people saying they've never seen such comments that doesn't mean i am making them up. Why would I??

Im on my phone so i dont know how to search for the threads im talking about or post links. But i have definitely seen them, if you don't want to believe me thats fine. Leave this thread and get on with your day.

The point of this thread is that as women we should be supporting each other in whatever we chose to do. It definitely goes both ways. I havent seen women being attacked for having an elective c section but im sure it happens. People are just so judgmental and theres no need for it.

I have seen comments about incontinence & prolapse on those type of threads (which actually can be caused by pregnancy alone). In real life someone told me they had a designer vagina due to their elcs, divvy!

I had a elcs due to transverse lie & previously had had a v.quick “natural” labour. I found the first 2 days after CS so much harder than I expected as I had assumed it was the easier method, not for me.

@hearts ive made it clear in my op that I dont judge anyone for how they choose to give birth. Im a firm believer of choice.

In my op i gave examples of the downsides to both vaginal & c-section births. You have chosen to focus on the bad things ive said about c-sections and ignore the bad things ive said about vaginal delivery.

To me it’s similar to the bf/ff & not working/working mum debates. If you are secure in your choices & the decisions are right for you & your family then your not bothered by what others do. However some people aren’t secure so have to put others down to validate their decisions.

I'm not asking you to "prove yourself to me"
Yes you are if you wasn’t the conversation would have gone
Me: I’ve seen posts like this
You: ok I must have missed them

Instead of
Me:I’ve seen posts of these
You: send me links or I don’t believe you

Except I didn’t say “send me links or I don’t believe you”. I asked you if you had links because I’d not seen anything like that. If you don’t have them you don’t have them. I think you’re reading rather more into this than was intended.

I totally agree with you OP that however you have your baby is no one else's business.

However your post does appear rather to be attacking those who have had a CS. I am an advocate for CS, elective because I had a pain free, trouble free and very quick birth and I would wholeheartedly recommend to anyone.

Compared to the lottery of emergency sections and natural births, which often end in an emergency C's in any event the actual stats for elective C's are much more palatable. In my opinion, which counts for me, and me only. If someone asks me how my CS was, I'll tell them (it was great) if they don't, then I'll keep my nose out.

I've never ever swiped at anyone with comments such as a saggy v etc. If they want s natural birth then they're very welcome to try and very brave in my opinion!

"Comments like 'id rather have a section than a saggy vagina' or 'at least im not incontinent'.... And other nasty comments."

I have never, ever, seen any comments like that on MN

Interesting post though, as you too have managed to squeeze in a bit of the very thing you are lamenting about.

To the people saying they've never seen such comments that doesn't mean i am making them up. Why would I??

Lucky i never said that then

I dont doubt youve seen them in the same way i dont doubt ganer has seen them

But even i didn't believe you i can stay and comment on any thread i chose

I am happy to agree that there are mean comments both ways

But the original OP (when i first posted) was Very very one sided

@rufus of course you can but why would you want to stay on a thread when you think the op is lying or a troll. I personally wouldnt waste my time 🙄

@lockheart i am currently pregnant with my 4th dc and may have to have an ecs due to gestational diabetes so no i am not having a sly dig at anyone.

No OP you didn't actually mention side effects both ways. Instead you went into gruesome details about c sections. Which is pretty horrible given that many women reading the thread will probably need one and what you describe is extremely rare and unnecessarily gruesome. I don't like the sound of you at all.

Isn’t the CS skin flap/pooch quite common after more than 1? Thought there was a thread about it recently.

I have a little overhang & it pisses me off.

In my experience, bf vs ff and sahm vs wohm threads on here often turn into terrible bunfights (particularly the latter).

However birth threads are in the main more gentle and supportive. I've never seen comments like the ones you've posted.

I have seen intelligent and reasoned discussion on the pros and cons of vaginal births and sections - and support for women who are being forced into choices they are uncomfortable with.

This seems an incredibly random, stirry thread.
I didn’t experience any real life criticism of my elcs but I do remember when she signed my permission forms the doctor saying I probably shouldn’t talk about it to others. So she must have been grief.

expecting grief

@hearts an infection and an overhang are gruesome details??

Did you completely ignore the part where i point out incontinence and saggy/looser vaginas related to vaginal births??

I also mentioned that while these are possible side effects to both that not everyone gets them. And i only mentioned both to show that there are pros and cons to both but in threads/comments i have seen people only mention the downsides of vaginal delivery while c-sections are often seen as the easy way out which i dont think they are.

And as someone who is facing the possibility of having a c-section it would also annoy me if people thought or commented on me taking the easy option when i know from friends that c-sections are not always the easy way.

if you do have a CS take peppermint water/tea for trapped wind & maybe get some stronger painkillers. There seems to be a big variation in hospital stay & drug options hence why so many have different recovery experiences. I had mine at noon & was discharged the next morning with some paracetamol. Yeah I walked to the car, but like a zombie shuffle walk 🤣

That infection story is pretty gruesome. I've no real idea why you think that's a good story to share.

You sound a bit defensive of your vaginal delivery. I'm not sure why, presumably you wouldn't have wanted a c section instead?

@artichoki its only stirry because the people who have had sections have chosen to take it the way.

Its supposed to be a thread about supporting each other but it seems some women would rather fight.

No birth is ever easy. There's no such birth as "the easy option" and it's very rare for a totally natural birth to happen as they mostly take place in a medicalised environment and/or require some medical intervention even if it's just g and a or monitoring the baby.

You didn't point out the incontinence and saggy fanny though op, you said that was what some people have said on MN.

I’ve never seen women who’ve had a cesarean insulting women who haven’t.

I have been called a shit mom, not on here, for choosing to have one. Women who choose cesareans are vilified far more than women who choose vaginal delivery.

I was in for 5 days post appendicitis op (b4 keyhole) & on morphine, hence why I assumed CS was easier.