Don’t reorganise the fucking tool cupboard 2 minutes before we have to leave!

[LegsOfGlass]

Is this a man thing? DH and FIL both the same but “it needs doing”. Only then everything gets pulled out the cupboard, toddler DD delighted with all the new and dangerous toys that daddy an grandpa have got for her, I wrangle her away, tools done, then a 30 minute shit, then “where are my keys?”, then I’ll just check the tyre pressure, then I’ll just topup the screen wash.

FUCK OFF. Let’s go! We’re late! Do it later!

I'm the faffer here. I often claim to be 'ready' but to me that means 'I'm ready to do my leaving the house routine', ie clean my teeth,put my shoes on, find my coat etc. I now aim to leave 15 mins before I need to and avoid the stress of being late.

Yesterday we were going for a walk and then to PIL for tea. DS in coat, DD in pushchair, me dressed, jacket on, all outside front door on the drive under the impression DH has gone to get his jacket. I called for him and he shouted 'Won't be a minute'.
DS says 'Daddy is washing the garden'
He was watering the garden- which he must have started when I was putting DD in her coat. I couldn't believe it.
'Well it only took a few minutes' he said when he came out 10 minutes later after I sent DS in to get him, having had to change his socks and shoes as well because his feet got wet.

Ah, you have a faffer, too?

Running late yesterday to go out and mine decided that it would be a good time to give his mum a call to catch up. 20 mins on the phone and they’re frickin’ well seeing each other today!

My DF is a faffer as well. So many times we’ve got a restaurant booking, family are getting ready to leave, DF sits there and then as everyone is going out the door, he decides that he then needs the toilet, needs to find his coat, needs to find his shoes, needs to get something from the car... grrr!! I hate being late for anything! . I actually left DH at home the other week and suggested he catch up once he finished faffing... I walked all the way into town and looked round a few shops before he appeared!

You know that there is one guaranteed cure for this. The second they start to faff and it coincides with the time of your planned departure, you depart without them.

Fond memories of df doing this only usually with the airing cupboard.

Lovely quotes from him:

"You can't have X to stay with a untidy airing cupboard" (this was as we left to pick X up from the station. No I'm sure she would far rather sit on a windy station for an hour while we sorted it.

"Wait, the car needs that scratch repaired before you go" (minuscule scratch and the dentist wouldn't see the car let alone mind)

"You couldn't possibly consider going on holiday with the garage looking like that?" (yes. And anyway 9pm the evening before when we were meant to be leaving at 7am the next morning is not the time to take everything out)

" It will only take me two minutes "

GreatDuckCookery

My ex (thankfully) used to go for a long toilet break just as we were walking out front door. It drove me nuts.... He didn't sort tools as he was a lazy arse at home😂

This is my FIL in spades and I view it as a passive aggressive way of controlling everyone. If you control the timings, then you control the others involved.

Faffing threads are my favourite on here. Please keep them coming. My dh used to be a faffer when I met him. He isn’t any longer as I bagged and moaned it out of him. My mil on the other hand grrrrrrrrrr

Married to a faffer from a family of faffers. The rehabilitation is ongoing. When his family are about he regresses. I honestly don’t understand how they’d ever go anywhere when he and his siblings were growing up. The meal time faff drives me nuts - put dinner down and people fuck off to ‘just’ do some random task leaving everyone else sitting and dinner going cold / congealing. So bloody rude!

Everytime without fail, my mum will obsessively clean the toilets at her house, while my stepdad is putting luggage in the car as they need to be at the airport. Annoys him and I just take the piss.

DD is also a serial faffer. If we need to leave at a certain time, I just put my shoes on and tell her I'm leaving. She suddenly ready in 2 secs after that. If we need to go out but no set time, I can guarantee that it'll be an 1hr atleast before we get out.

Hahaha is my DH living a double life!?!?

I posted this after it happened but the morning we were due to fly out, 15 minutes before the car was due to collect us I looked for DH (who was still not dressed or packed) and discovered he’s popped out to faff about with the leaf blower.

He’s also a champion of fucking about on YouTube whilst I’m getting ready and waiting until I’m showered, dressed, hair done and made up... (and ready to leave at the designated time) before he then pops upstairs to have a shit and brush his teeth.

He also seeks to take an inordinately long time to plate up dinner when he’s cooking. Cooking time I understand, but not sure how it’s been doing 10 minutes since the stir fry was cooked and he still has managed to bung it into two bowls

Aaaaaand deep breath

I think it's a man thing. My ex would do this. I would say "I am leaving for work at X", and he'd say he'd come with me, or we'd agree that we need to leave at X to visit whoever.

I'd be ready to be out the door at X and he'd then decide to put a load of washing on, or hang a load of washing up, or hoover, or do the dishes...

In the end I took to saying "I am leaving in 2 minutes (gives him time to get shoes / coat / keys etc), with or without you", and following through. Oddly enough, he managed to leave on time when I did that.

That's the key. Leave on time, with or without anyone who's not ready. If they're not ready and they're late it's their lookout.

DP does this thing where he doesn't get ready for us to go until I am ready, because I take longer. So he will sit there, doing nothing, waiting for me to be ready then get ready himself. Then without fail he will need to go for a 30 minute shit. It drives me insane, why couldn't he have gone for his shit when I was getting ready? Why does it take him half an hour? Why?

DM is a faffer, for some reason everything just takes her about ten times as long as it takes everyone else. Even just asking the time takes about half an hour, leaving the house takes forever but I have no idea what she can possibly be doing. It just takes her so long, and we would all be sitting in the car, with all our stuff and she would be just wandering around. Sometimes she would get in the shower at about 8 and then Id go into her room at 10 to see what was going on and she would still be in a towel. The cupboards were most definitely not organised so she doesn't even have that excuse!

Don't ever put up with it...just don't! There is no way I would be held up by someone who thinks it ok to keep me waiting after an agreed time or make us late. I don't mind if anyone faffs...so long as they don't mind when I do what was planned.
They do it because they can get away with it.

A lot of men do this. A lot.
I remember asking DH to set the table as I was just dishing up dinner for inlaws and us. I walk into the dining room holding some plates and he has a tool box on the table, a chair upside down on the table and he's tightening up some screws under the chair as "it felt a bit wobbly" yeah it has been for about 3 years but then is obviously the time to do it. He'll always find a drawer to reorganise or some laundry to do just as we're walking out of the door. It makes me stabby.

DP manages to do faffing en route.

He will drive to the supermarket and fill up with petrol before we leave. Six miles up the road, we stop so he can buy cigarettes, because he forgot.

Another 10 miles up the road, he remembers he's now out of cash, and we have to stop at a cashpoint and/or check air pressures and put air in the tyres. He sometimes manages to require a stop at the supermarket near his mum's because someone in the family has a birthday.

He could, of course, have done all these things when he went to get petrol, but he has a tiny manbrain and it can only remember one thing at a time.

Buswankeress
Do we have the same mother?!

Due to leave at 10. I'm doing last minute bits at 945 and will be ready for 10.
DM will be dressed and say she's ready to go and will be making a cup of tea at 915. But come 945, she's got a pan / tray out on because 'I thought I'd just make some picky bits for later when we get back whilst I was waiting for you'. ... then as the picky bits are sorting she'll just hang the washing out and just get another load (usually whilst jabbering on about how productive she has been this morning and she doesnt understand people who waste the day). It's now 1015 and she's just going to warn her tea up because it went cold from being 'so busy I never get to have a cuppa.

I long given up trying to leave so sit and read or play on my phone and when i ask if we are actually going yo leave now we're half an hour late then she'll announce in a shocked tone 'oh I'm ready whenever you are. I've just been getting on with things waiting for you'.

It's a special type of faffer condition.

See also:
DM - I'm coming to visit in November
Me - Great what days and are you going to need to stay over?
DM - not sure on the plans
Me - well let me know so I can put it in the diary so I don't double book
DM - radio silence for

Me - (in october) so you know you're coming to visit in November... what s the plan?
Dm- We're thinking 3rd weekend maybe but going to try and catch friends too
Me - cool but let me know because I'm booking to see people and appointments etc

5 days before they turn up - No Maisy. Are you still up for a meal and to host us this weekend? What do you mean you're busy? We're travelling all this way. Well i guess we'll just have to see you for an afternoon at some point when we're up then won't we?
(Somehow I am unreasonable).

20 years of marriage to the King of Faffsville here. Good job he's delightful, a fabulous huband and dad, as his faffing hasn't improved much despite regular interventions.

I'm very organised and hate being late for anything, whereas it doesn't figure high on his radar at all. I'm not saying his way is wrong and mine is right, so I have made a conscious effort to adapt and not get stressed...but he knows I will leave him at home if he's not ready to go when we need to leave.

DH is like this too. As is MIL. They are not blood related though as she is his step mum.

MIL faffs with her handbag and pills and deciding what to wear. And then says she didn’t realise I was waiting for her.

DH does weird stuff. Downloading music for DS once when we were packing for holiday. Couldn’t understand why I was annoyed. “But I told him I would”. Yes but you should have done it yesterday!

Decided to clean the kitchen floor grouting on Christmas Eve. When I exploded at him he said he thought I wanted it done before Christmas. Could not see that whilst technically Christmas Eve is before Christmas Day what I had actually meant in a previous conversation was that I wanted to do it before our Christmas guests arrived. And they had arrived two days previously!

He also goes off and does things assuming I am a mind reader and know exactly where he is and what he is doing.

My DH does this, then when he’s finished he’ll ask if I’m ready yet.

Now I put my coat on, pick up my bag, and sit on the stairs and do stuff on my phone.

I'm usually running late. I underestimate how long things take. I am generally late to leave for somewhere - it's not because i think my time is more important than you or i want to control you, it's just because i don't think being late matters. Unless it does matter e.g. A flight, a train

DH and DD1 are like that. Drives me potty.
DH loses everything, keys, coat, shoes. DD1 gets distracted easily (dx auditory memory issues) and forgets what's next.

Me and a friend with a similarly disorganised DH decided that it must be because they both have to be shit hot at work, which means some where else life slips.