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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think HIBU and should just wear them?

80 replies

JulieGdd · 25/08/2018 19:19

We're off on a family holiday abroad for a week tomorrow, flying out first thing (early hours). DS who is 12 still struggles with bedwetting, but is in denial about it and understandably very embarrassed. With it being a night flight, he will almost certainly sleep, and this means there'a a very high likelihood of him having an accident. It's also almost impossible that he will go all week whilst we are away without wetting at least a couple of times.

I've bought him some "Drynites" and asked him to wear one for the flight (even changing into and out of it on the plane or just before we get on and just after we get off if he wants), as well as whilst he's sleeping in the hotel bed, but he steadfastly refuses. At home dealing with changing sheets isn't such a problem, and of course his mattress is protected. But on a flight and in a hotel, surely some protection is better than wet pants/bed?

I don't want him to be any more embarrassed, and can understand that being nearly a teenager and wearing what is is essence a nappy is not going to be a great experience, but I don't want him to have an accident and have people see as that would be far more embarrassing for him I'm sure.

AIBU to think that he is BU and should just wear the bloody things?!

OP posts:

ReservoirDogs · 25/08/2018 23:48

Sorry for all my typos

Iltavilli · 25/08/2018 23:53

We flew Heathrow to US this Spring (10 hour flight costing a small fortune). My partner was sat in a seat which had clearly been wetted by a previous occupant. We were fortunate there was a spare row, but to subject others to the wet stale urine of others is horrendous

Oldaintallthat · 26/08/2018 00:02

Im sure you've had this coversation so apologies if this isnt helpful. But If it was my lad? I'd wander up at some point and say "I'm so sorry, mate I know this is crap but its gotta be done. Only me and you know and Im not telling anyone We can sort it between us."

IStillDrinkCava · 26/08/2018 00:24

Poor lad. Please reassure him it's not just him, and most school year groups will have someone with this issue. We've never had teachers bat an eyelid.

Has he been referred to enuresis clinic and been offered desmo, alarms etc? If not, please do this because it can really help.

Could you just work together to keep him awake on the flight? My children sleep so little on night flights anyway.

For immediate plans we never made our DC wear pullups after she decided she was too grown up. We've had small inco pads (even 12 year olds are a lot smaller than adults so 'light absorbency' might be best) and disposable bedmats on the hotel bed - but you might need a couple as they're not huge. Personally I would be kind but blunt about the reality that if he did wet himself on the plane, the wet trousers would be obvious to everyone as he walks down the aisle to the toilet to change. He's not a toddler, he really can't just sit on a towel on a binliner in a plane and walk out with sodden trousers.

Btw if he does wet the bed in the hotel, just put the sheets in the bath... and tip your housekeeper! The odd accident is OK I think, whereas leaving sodden sheets every night is not. But if you haven't tried enuresis clinic, please do, for his sake. Clinic is a lovely place where it's absolutely understood it's not his fault, and they just want to help.

victoriaspongecake · 26/08/2018 00:43

Why on earth are you taking a child who is likely to wet themselves on an aeroplane? Surely it would be more sensible to stay in this country until he is no longer likely to be incontinent on a long journey? Its one thing wetting YOUR car seat but another wetting on a seat which someone else needs to sit on or next to.

downinthejunglee · 26/08/2018 01:19

@victoriaspongecake because why should they have to miss out on family holidays for something they cannot control? There are ways to ensure that nothing gets on the seat and I think if people use those precautions then there is nothing wrong with a bed wetter flying on an aeroplane

happymummy12345 · 26/08/2018 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TroubledLichen · 26/08/2018 01:42

DMother also had her bag ruined on a plane by the child in front who had an accident (bag was under the seat in front). I feel really sorry for your DS but if he isn’t willing to take precautions he shouldn’t be going on the plane. It’s not fair on the other passengers.

Antigon · 26/08/2018 07:09

Happymummy - calm down, you're the one being rude.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/08/2018 07:27

As for the plane, take one of his bed pads and use it in a pillow case. Get him to wear dark black/navy shorts or trackies as they'll show the damp the least. He can change in the toilets prior to landing and bag the lot.

Good idea Imfree

TallTilly · 26/08/2018 07:49

Will a pad underneath him cut it? If he did wet himself would it still get on the seat or floor? Because if not then it can’t be an option surely.

I feel bad for the boy but really, no one else should be affected by his problem.

In all honesty I would tell him he can’t come if he won’t wear it. It’s that important.

30hours · 26/08/2018 07:51

@FASH84 he might not want to wear nappies but if he’s pissing himself he needs to. 12 or not.

30hours · 26/08/2018 07:52

He can’t be pissing himself on planes or in hotel beds. It’s not anyone else’s problem. Would you want to sit on a plane seat that’s been pissed in previously? Nappies or he stays at home.

JacquesHammer · 26/08/2018 07:57

Ah poor lad.

I like the previous posters suggestion of “mate, it’s shit, but you can’t help it and you need to wear them. Nobody will know”

I also think language is important and don’t refer to them as nappies.

KimberlyS2 · 26/08/2018 08:00

Please use more than just a basic towel or blanket. Something that is designed for wetting and age appropriate. When my daughter was potty training at home I had a massive towel folded up so it was folded 4 times and still went through to the seat below and she was only 2 at the time.

emmyrose2000 · 26/08/2018 08:03

Ask him which would be more embarrassing - wearing incontinence nappies/pull ups/pads that no one will see under his clothes - or having everyone see the wet stains on his clothes and seat, not to mention the smell?

Either way, it'd be completely unacceptable for him to knowingly wet the seat as there's no way it'd be able to be cleaned in time for the next person who uses it. (Not to mention the poor minimum wage cleaner who'd have to try and deal with it).

deedee93 · 26/08/2018 18:22

Thank you everybody for being the voices of reason.

Well, we made it away and I'm just enjoying a quite half hour whilst the tribe run riot before dinner. :)

Sat and had a talk to him before we set off for the airport last night, explained everything and how important it was. That i knew it wasnt his fauly, but that it really wouldn't be fair to makes mess for others to deal with. He told me he was worried his brother (9) would laugh at him and tell everybody he wore nappies like a baby. :(

After some persuasion we brought his brother in on the chat. Explained it all to him too, and being the sensitive soul that he his he said that if course he wouldn't make fun. Bless him, he even offered to wear one on the flight to make DS feel better about it. That way if he did say anything to anybody, he'd be able to say that they both had worn them, an "insurance policy" if you like. Certainly made me feel proud of the thoughtful young men they're becoming. :)

So we flew this morning and made it through the flight without an accident fortunately. But without any of the worry if anything had happened.

There was even quite a comical moment at security after we landed, as we were caught up in a bit of a queue and the youngest was jiggling around needing to "go", causing his brother to crack a joke "you're going to wee in MY nappy" haha. A far more relaxed and happy start to our break than I expected.

I've brought the pack along for nightimes, not going to make a fuss about it at all and just going to discreetly ask him to pop one on later on tonight. Hopefully now the awkwardness is gone he will accept it without fuss. I'm sure knowing that he can fill up on pop when we are out eithout me telling him to take it easy will help ;)

[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info]

SweepTheHalls · 26/08/2018 18:28

Glad it went well #deedee93 , you accidentally used your son's name so I've reported for you

MobMoll · 26/08/2018 18:57

Really glad it worked out. I’m a former flight attendant and can tell you that if we noticed a wet seat on a turnaround it was a massive inconvenience. If the flight was full it meant the passenger in that seat had to get rebooked on another flight and compensated, costing the airline a lot of money. My DS13 has also had incontinense issues and we call them “disposable underwear “. It’s very stressed to deal with as a parent and as much sympathy as I have for my son I have to also take others into consideration. That’s brilliant though that everything worked out!

MMMMMaria · 26/08/2018 19:03

My brother wet his bed at that age and when my mother mentioned it to our GP he gave some pills that stopped the bed wetting. My mother was so upset that she didn’t go to the GP sooner. Good luck!

hendricksy · 26/08/2018 19:11

My son has sn but is dry at night . I always take a bed mat and put it in a different bed when we are away just in case . It's very disrespectful to allow a chair , car , bed to get wet with urine . Tell him he has to wear them or stay at home !!

SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2018 19:47

Glad it all worked out

Bluelady · 26/08/2018 19:52

Great outcome all round, OP. Hope you're proud of the pair of them.

deedee93 · 27/08/2018 09:43

One 12yo DS with a dry drynite, and one red faced 9yo DS with a wet hotel bed. I could cry.

IStillDrinkCava · 27/08/2018 10:36

Never mind, accidents do happen! Was he up eating and drinking later than usual?

V impressed by his offer to wear a drynite for the journey. He sounds like an absolute sweetheart.

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