AIBU to think HIBU and should just wear them?

[JulieGdd]

We're off on a family holiday abroad for a week tomorrow, flying out first thing (early hours). DS who is 12 still struggles with bedwetting, but is in denial about it and understandably very embarrassed. With it being a night flight, he will almost certainly sleep, and this means there'a a very high likelihood of him having an accident. It's also almost impossible that he will go all week whilst we are away without wetting at least a couple of times.

I've bought him some "Drynites" and asked him to wear one for the flight (even changing into and out of it on the plane or just before we get on and just after we get off if he wants), as well as whilst he's sleeping in the hotel bed, but he steadfastly refuses. At home dealing with changing sheets isn't such a problem, and of course his mattress is protected. But on a flight and in a hotel, surely some protection is better than wet pants/bed?

I don't want him to be any more embarrassed, and can understand that being nearly a teenager and wearing what is is essence a nappy is not going to be a great experience, but I don't want him to have an accident and have people see as that would be far more embarrassing for him I'm sure.

AIBU to think that he is BU and should just wear the bloody things?!

YANBU, of course he needs to wear them and should be wearing them at home also.
Its like putting a bandage on a bleeding wound or a using bowl to be sick in, bleeding or being sick wouldnt be his fault but if he can manage it and prevent it was making things difficult for others then it would be selfish not to.

Oh bless him, if it's any help, I worked in a health centre that gave out free pads/nappies for any age group, any sex.
Unfortunately incontinence happens at any age for many reasons.
There is absolutely no shame in wearing inco pads. There are some specially made for sex/age group.
Many are very discrete, it's just finding one he will be ok with. Look on Amazon or boots.

I say the following as the mother of a 12yo who had all of the above to the age of 11.5 and has only really been dry for the past six months. I know what you go through every day/week, I really do.

I assume he's under a consultant and taking supplemental desmopressin along with having an alarm and bed pads? Please tell me you've sought professional support, when did you start investigations? Your consultant should be able to advise but all of the equipment can be taken abroad I believe, and you should be able to get a copy of the prescription for his tablets.

As for the plane, take one of his bed pads and use it in a pillow case. Get him to wear dark black/navy shorts or trackies as they'll show the damp the least. He can change in the toilets prior to landing and bag the lot.

You will make it through the other side with the right support, you will. But you can't let him wet the plane seat this journey, it's not fair.

If he’s most likely going to wet he needs to take adequate precautions for his medical problem.
I would say night time pad(s) in his underwear, inco sheet and towel on plane seat, and change of clothing and wipes. Also inco sheets for hotel bed too. Hope he’s getting medical support too.

I think you are (for all the right reasons) utterly mortifying him. I think something less obvious would be better. I would buy a cushion designed for elderly people for him to sit on. Yes, he’d need to change his trousers (make sure he packs spares ‘in case he gets too cold’). Basically allow him to keep his dignity by not talking about it directly. There’s a good chance he won’t have an accident on the plane as he won’t sleep as deeply. Taking precautions is sensible but wearing a nappy is bound to upset him.

tell him that he can either wear the drynites on the plane or you will make him sit on a pad, which other people will be more likely to notice.

The bed pads might be better for in the hotel though, I can't imagine drynites are all that comfy.

Luckily, longline tops and loose joggers are fashionable and should hide the fact that he's wearing a nappy on the flight. Explain that he can take it off when you arrive at the airport.

He needs protection like nighttime nappies or waterproof sheets at the hotel too. You are on holiday so should get a break from the laundry.

Son had to wear them up to the age of 12 at night. No-one will be able to tell he is wearing on the flight. They are very discreet!

If you were 12 would you put a nappy on.

If he isn’t already, can he not temporarily get medication to help? When my son was under the hospital for bed wetting, we were told we could request meds short term if he was going on residential etc

Get him adult incontinent pads so he doesn't feel like it's a nappy

If he was my son I would wake him every 20/30mins to use the bathroom or compromise with the pants and him sleeping. I may also say if u don't wear them your not going (however the last one isn't very helpful) You could buy a pack of inco sheets for the plane seat and beds however people r still going to look at him when he eventually gets up and he is wet. You may also have more travelling to do when u land I.e coach transfer and he is going to smell and be wet/have wet clothes with him which is going to be awful for everyone close by.

Apart from anything else, he’s 12. He doesn’t get to ‘refuse’. If he won’t willingly consider other people then he gets told what is happening and in this case it’s drynights because you cannot risk soaking an airline seat in urine. It is NOT up for debate.

As for the hotel, drynights there too, because it’s unreasonable to expect the hotel staff to change his wet sheets daily and to risk ruining a hotel mattress. Those mattress protectors are helpful, but not enough for pretty much adult size kids without drynights or incontinence pads.

I feel sorry for him, but he is old enough to understand that until he has control over his bladder when sleeping, he has to prioritise other people’s belongings or space. He wouldn’t want to sit in a seat someone has soaked with wee would he?!

People arguing against him needing to deal with the inconvenience ... it’s not a punishment. It won’t stop him wetting. We (and I say that as a parent of 2 kids with bladder issues) realise that. It is about helping them learn to manage their condition.

Always cleaning up without getting them involved creates an artificial situation where they will have no understanding of and take no responsibility for managing the problem.

We have involved our kids in the cleanup process form very young age. So they can make informed decisions about managing things for themselves. The know thy can choose not to wear a pull-up but it will mean getting up in the night, helping change bedding and pjs and helping put laundry on the machine the next day.

Poor boy, I understand that he would be embarrassed.

I would speak to him about this being a medical issue(I assume he has seen someone about it) and that like other medical issues you have to take measures to make things easier to manage. At his age he will understand that he can’t leave a plane seat soaked in urine that it would be uncomfortable for him, those that have to clean it up and the next person on the flight.

He is 12- you are an adult and his mother. Don't negotiate, tell him he is wearing them. Also remind him that if he pees on the plane, EVERYONE will see it,EVERYONE will know. You can lie and say he will also be blacklisted by the airport/travel company so that his name will always come up on their systems as someone who pees themself.

www.eric.org.uk/

I know that this doesn’t resolve your immediate problems but has he been on the ERIC website? I used their guidance to help with my DDs toilet problems and I noticed that they have forums where children can post and chat to other people with similar issues. Maybe it will help him to have a chat with young people his own age and discuss the treatments / techniques that other people have found successful.

Apart from anything else, he’s 12. He doesn’t get to ‘refuse’. If he won’t willingly consider other people then he gets told what is happening and in this case it’s drynights because you cannot risk soaking an airline seat in urine. It is NOT up for debate.

While I agree completely with your sentiment, I do wonder how you propose OP makes her ds comply? My ds at 12 was taller, heavier and stronger than me...had he ever been resistant enough to my instructions I couldn't have physically made him comply with them. Sanctions only work if they are worse than the alternative in the child's mind, the only ones I can think of that might be harsh enough in this situation would do irreparable damage to OP's relatioship with her ds.

If you were 12 would you put a nappy on.

My DS wet the bed consistently until he was nearly 14, part of going on holiday or away with school was that he wore a pull-up. We were very matter of fact about it and would never have called it a ‘nappy’.

Does he, or has he ever taken desmopressin to help with the bed wetting? If not, can you get an emergency appointment with the gp to get him some to see if they help? (My 7 year old has taken them and they helped about 60% of the nights, so not a complete solution but I know they are for some people).

I think on the plane, he has to be told he must wear the pull ups or a pad, which ever he chooses. Give him the option of the different products but he must wear something. For the hotel, I assume you use some kind of mattress protector at home and can take something similar for the hotel bed, some kind of disposable waterproof mat? Dd was fully accepting of wearing pull-ups on holiday, but at home complete refuses, so we are quite lucky about that and had no issues at all, but I wouldn’t want the faff of trying to get a replacement mattress in a hotel, so you must take something with you. I might even take a couple of cheap single bed sheets with me in case it was tricky to get clean sheets every day (I guess this depends on what kind of accommodation you are staying in though).

I hope this doesn’t cause you too many arguments, it’s a really hard argument to be having if your child is adamant they won’t wear the pull ups.

My DS would have needed to wear armbands without Desmopressin!

I sat behind a child who wet the seat whilst sleeping. She pee'd all over my backback which was stowed under the seat which I intended to use during the holiday. It was awful having to hold it at arm's length as I got off the plane, go through immigration etc as it dripped. Goodness knows how the poor person who was booked to sit in that seat felt when the plane took off for the return journey.

You can lie and say he will also be blacklisted by the airport/travel company so that his name will always come up on their systems as someone who pees themself.

Please don’t do this ^

I second the idea to try to get incontinence pads at boots in the airport if possible.

There's a chance he may be fine in the air as he just may not sleep as soundly.

Can you encourage him to put the blanket under him just in case?

Has he been referred to urology for bed wetting? It's been a great help for us and as long as the tablets are taken it usually works.

My son was undee rhe enuresia.xlinic from 7 to 15 and took desmopressin and still sometimea had accidents. He would wear drinites on holiday/flights etc ans we travelled a lot. As you say he can nip in the loo before boarding and pop them on. Then when he wakes before getting off swap back into pants in the plane loo.

Please show him this and let him.know he is not the only boy going through this and certainly not the oldest. My son is 16 and fine now.