to ask what gives you a sense of purpose?

[BB8sm8]

A friend thinks I've been feeling blue for some time because my life lacks a sense of purpose or direction. I think I got that from work before I had children, now I'm a SAHM & do a bit of volunteering but I do feel a little lost. It has got me thinking perhaps she's right so I'm wondering what others have in their lives or do which is fulfilling, or gives that sense of purpose?

My work, I run a very small organization that does work in Southeast Asia and other places to help people with disabilities into education and to be more independent. We just did a training for 60 mainstream teachers on how to support students with disabilities. It went amazingly well.

It's a good question. For me, I think it's my career. I work full-time and have done since finishing university 30 years ago. I love what I do and the sense of purpose and structure that it brings to my life.

I also volunteer for a small charity in my free time. However, if I'm being honest, I don't think that volunteering alone would be enough for me: I don't see it is a career and I need my career.

It'll be interesting to see what other people think about this.

chocolatestrawberries what work do you do now? It's interesting you say you felt that lack of purpose for a time too.

Are you ok OP?

I find that I question my purpose on dark days. Then it leads me to thinking that there is no ultimate purpose, existence is suffering then we die.

On good days I just sort of press on and don't worry about it.

(And I have no reason to have these dark days really, I have 2 lovely DC, a good husband, loving family, friends, a flexible and interesting job).

Hope you’re okay OP

For me everything revolves around my children. And to be honest, purpose wise my life has always done so. Even before I had kids and was 18 if I ever had to think about career/practical future stuff I’d be thinking about my future family.

I imagine it’s hard to find the right balance; you obviously don’t want to wish time away but focusing only on the day to day can be disheartening.

My job as s secondary teacher, being a parent and trying to raise dc to be decent people and being a good friend.

My family & my career. I get a lot out of both.

For me it's family, my love of life and work

Oh my goodness I'm touched that a few people have asked if I'm ok ❤️ Yes I'm ok, I am feeling a bit lost which is why I'm asking what helps others feel purposeful or useful or like they are contributing something worthwhile. I think my friend is right, once work was everything for me, now I have two small children and nothing else really in my life and I'm probably feeling a bit rudderless. interested that no one has mentioned God or spirituality yet, when I've been googling this (often at 1am!) faith is something that comes up time and time again. It sounds silly but looking after my animals gives me a sense of purpose on a day to day basis (we have lots of them and they constantly need feeding/cleaning/fussing).

I would like to get a sense of purpose from work, but to me it’s a means to an end, and I only do it for the money. I firmly believe we are not all career minded. My main sense of purpose has come from my children. Bringing them up to be the happiest adults they can be. Not necessarily “successful” in the traditional sense but to find what makes them happy and do that, and they’re definitely on the right track for that. For myself also it’s about what makes me happy, I like travelling but also simple things like completing craft projects or enjoying a good book. I don’t believe there has to be any sort of overall purpose. We live and we die. You just try and be the happiest you can in the time in between. That to me is the purpose of everything!

OP I'm on maternity leave currently with second DS so can relate looking after two small children full time, I said to DH today that I think I'm ready to go back to work !! I don't really find any purpose in work but it breaks up the week so I don't get so stuck with the day-to-day drudgery of running a house and looking after small children. I don't think I have a sense of purpose outside my family really. I love them to bits, will miss them terribly, but I'll be glad to have a couple of days at work! It will make me a better parent and give me focus for my days off! Hope you're ok OP, I have a lot of respect for SAHM's because I'm definitely not cut out for it , it is hard work!

I do envy the genuinely devout. I think it must be wonderful to have that certainty in a higher power and a God given purpose.

I have a demanding part time job in the criminal justice system which distracts me from the drudgery of school run/ laundry/ housework etc. As my kids get older their emotional and intellectual development becomes more consuming and being involved in the school and their education and activities gives me more to think about and more of a sense of purpose than when they're young and it's just nappies and feeding.

Glad you’re ok,it’s actually quite philosophical to reflect on purpose
For me,work and family are purposeful and I get satisfaction & pride from both

Also feeling lost after a separation and becoming a single parent to 3 dc.

My part time education keeps me going and the application for my PGCE. I love my children dearly but I feel more of a slave than a human being with purpose at the moment.

Hope you find what you're looking for

Looking after animals doesn't sound daft! My sense of purpose is my horse, I was lost when I was without a horse. I think it's the fact that animals are reliant on you for their well being and even if it's pissing with rain the dog still needs a walk and the horse has to be seen to. There is something in needing to be needed.

helpawomanout sounds to me like you are doing your children very proud indeed ❤️

Those who have said work provides a sense of purpose, what do you do if you haven't already said? I think adult conversation is something I'm definitely missing but oh yes that sense of nothing to do and nowhere to go rings very true for me.

I was reading the thread and also interested that so few people mentioned faith.

My faith is hugely important to me and my underlying values system. I also work and have young children. Both of these are important to my sense of purpose. My job is vocational, and I view it as part of a career which involves social justice, using my personal power and privilege for the benefit of society and vulnerable individuals. I would like my faith to play a bigger role in my daily minute by minute sense of purpose but I have struggled to maintain that focus since family life has become demanding. I also used to make more of a community contribution, through voluntary, faith related stuff. But I have had to drop that as other demands have increased. I feel quite pared back from all my previous interests, and can totally see how, once family life is less demanding, I will have to re orient and re focus myself.

There are loads of exercises you can do to help find your purpose (life coaching type stuff), but I think being in touch with your core values and sense of what has always been a natural drive for you as a person really helps.

Also, I love a project (goal and then sense of achievement when conplete), and I love a list, so have lists of life goals, medium term goals and short term goals. I even have lists of frivolous goals, eg visiting lavender fields etc (though I find it hard to prioritise this over eg what the kids might enjoy). I find these make a huge difference in terms of achievement of those goals, and my overall sense of a directed purposeful life. Obviously one has to be flexible too, to allow for life. There were some threads on here about different sorts of lists which helped me with this, though I can't remember what they were called.

Travel. I want to retire early and see the world. Seeing different places makes me realise how insignificant all the day to day stuff really is. I find it strangely comforting that mountain ranges in the time of dinosaurs will still look almost the same even when humans die out

I don't really. I lost the things that used to give me that feeling.

What's important to you? Helping people? Learning new things? Making a difference? Interacting with different people? Creating things? Being a part of something bigger?

Partly my job - I work with very vulnerable people in often highly emotional/sometimes dangerous situations and we try and make things better so going home knowing somebody is still alive or feeling ok after you've worked with them helps

My family - lone parent to 2 boys so often my purpose is making sure they're fed/clean/loved

And lastly - sort of doing stuff that makes me happy really I guess. Meeting up with friends, having a nice meal, putting my pjs on and watching some tv

I'm not changing the world but I'm ok plodding on

Well as much of a cliche as it is, my kids. They are hard work, infuriating, but also absolutely fantastic. I just couldn’t imagine being the person I am today without them.

My career. I love Teaching. I worked really hard to become a teacher, juggling training with a newborn. Again it’s hard, really hard but so rewarding.

I volunteer with the homeless too, which is sad, but rewarding in equal measures.

Finally my OH. He’s absolutely the love of my life.