to ask what gives you a sense of purpose?

[BB8sm8]

A friend thinks I've been feeling blue for some time because my life lacks a sense of purpose or direction. I think I got that from work before I had children, now I'm a SAHM & do a bit of volunteering but I do feel a little lost. It has got me thinking perhaps she's right so I'm wondering what others have in their lives or do which is fulfilling, or gives that sense of purpose?

Funny enough, I wrote out a list of interests that I have tonight, partly as a prompt for me to do things other than housework. I’m a SAHM, and unlikely to go back to work because my qualifications have lapsed and it’s just too much trouble and stress to start retraining. Some of my kids have special needs and a job would be just too much

I am conscious many people’s sense of purpose is tied in with their job, and I feel a bit empty because I don’t have that.

But honestly, after I’d written that list of things that I do that actually interest me - I feel so much better. They constitute my new identity given that I’m not going to be a Professional again. I do need something for my own identity separate from my kids and husband.

Mine is nothing to do with my job - I just work in an office, easily replaceable but I earn my money and I’m okay with that!

Volunteering, being a good partner & friend, fostering and enjoying life are my life purposes

Storm4Star: 'We live and we die. You just try and be the happiest you can in the time in between. That to me is the purpose of everything!' - this has really struck me and had me pondering and thinking a lot tonight.

Tunnocks34: 'My OH. He’s absolutely the love of my life.' That's so lovely! ❤️

Hand weeding! I have a garden and an allotment, neither of which I ever keep up with, but the sense of calmness and Zen I get from clearing a small patch of earth just for 20 minutes is completely astonishing. Mindless but satisfying activity. Completely divorced from work, house, lovely kids, lovely husband.

About work OP , I'm a kitchen manager for a well known pub chain. I get to go and talk to other adults and we have a jolly old time talking about whatever we want without having to watch what we are saying (to a point of course!) It's cathartic!! But also the work is fast paced and fairly physical. Complete opposite of days at home with two small children! I enjoy it and it keeps me sane.

What @Monet13 said - having something separate for yourself away from husband and kids! That is definitely the key to keeping mothers afloat! Whether it be work, hobbies, other interests

My family - I have a husband and son plus my wider family including my Nan who I support now that she is older.

My job - I'm a teacher so feeling like I help pupils to get through their exams and move onto the next stage of their life. The adult conversation and using my brain are really important though - I struggle without mental stimulation.

I love being a mum/wife but I do need something separate from that as well.

I came to this thread hoping for an answer as I’m feeling it too! I left as very stressful full time job a year ago to spend time with my son who was 3 in the year before he started school. It’s been an amazing year. But now I’m lost. Rudderless. He starts school in 2 weeks and all I can think of is where/ what do I do now? I can’t face a return to the stress, wish I could retrain, but no idea what as. I am purposeless (apart from being mummy) I don’t really have a passion? I am lost.

I've wondered a lot, and then though back to my 20s when I didn't worry at all about having a purpose, and think I would probably be happier I went back to just living. I have people who depend on me, but that doesn't feel like a purpose to me. What keeps me happy (when I'm not worrying abut my purpose in life) is learning things and growing things (whether plants or people - it's very rewarding to sow seeds of knowledge in people then watch them fly, and achieve more than I would ever be able to do).

My daughter (and bump) and my determination that they won’t follow in my footsteps. I’m going to raise them up way higher then I ever was so they don’t end up like me. That’s my sole purpose in life now. I’ve had my time the rest of mine is dedicated to them.

For me it's about meaning. My job and home life are deeply meaningful to me. They are important. The drudgery I do has meaning as it helps maintain these choices I have made. The choices I have made are taking me in a direction that makes me happy. I'm living my goals and, in doing so, working toward other goals that are also meaningful to me. It all feeds back in on itself to make for a happy life.

Raising my dcs to be independent and happy people and doing well and earning decent money in my job.

When I was at home with the young dcs after taking redundancy, I felt pretty useless and aimless. Every day was like marking time. It was only after I went back to work that I got my mojo back. It felt important to me to be using my skills and time to earn a living and contribute financially to the household.

Therefore, it is the balance between family and work that gives me purpose. One without the other becomes unbalanced.

Interesting question.

I don't have a sense of purpose or lack of one. I don't think I need one. I love my life and live it well but I don't think I have a specific purpose if I'm honest.

I felt utterly useless while on prolonged maternity leave. I felt guilty for feeling like that but I had always treasured my career and work. During that time I volunteered at a food bank when DH was around to look after DD. The adult conversation and interactions really helped.

I'm now at work part time though and love both work and the time I get to spend with DD.

I'm one of those people who always need a purpose/project and there have been times I've taken up exercising to focus on looking better, learnt a new language etc.

On the list that I was talking about yesterday are things that involve effort, and that are easier not to do.

So gardening, learning a language, drawing, reading History, yoga. It has to be more than just sitting on your phone/ having coffee with friends.

It’s not about relaxation, it’s about either improving yourself or contributing to society by either paid or voluntary employment.

I made the list to give me ideas, and stop me from just mindlessly doing housework / going on my phone or internet (as in now!) / watching TV.

But now I’m going to do some yoga....

I work full time, have family, friends and a relationship but my only purpose in life is my son’s well being. I don’t really care about anything else x

Primarily work but also partner , kid and dog not necessarily in that order .

I’m a SAHM trying to bring up two autistic children. Of course this gives me a sense of purpose in the fact that I’m suppoetjng them to be the best they can be.

But, it’s all consuming. I’ve lost myself. So recently I started a business at home to work around the children. I feel like I have something for myself now. My own thing which is lovely.

It won’t make us millionaires but that’s not the point. It mine.

Xxxx