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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad without my baby?

58 replies

DonaldLovesDoritos · 25/08/2018 14:07

I have never left for over 1 hour.

DH has taken him for 4 hours today Sad to his sister's.

I'm just having my lunch then I'm off to town to pick up some bits and have a little wonder.

I feel so sad.

My little boy is happy enough, I know that. But I feel sad that I cannot instantly comfort him if he gets upset.

Sorry, I know IABU.

I just feel like he's still so tiny.

cries

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/08/2018 23:25

You’re going back to work you need to start to build in time apart,for yourself
I don’t understand this being Velcroed to your kid no time apart,its bit martyred
Anyway babies are robust he’ll be fine. You need to adjust your routine

MarthasGinYard · 25/08/2018 23:28

'I don’t understand this being Velcroed to your kid no time apart,its bit martyred'

Personally I agree

I used to escape for a good few hours after a couple of weeks Grin

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 25/08/2018 23:30

Mine is nearly 11 months, doesn’t walk and barely speaks. He throws toys all day and wakes up every morning at 5 am on the dot though.

YANBU to miss him but it’s good for babies to be apart from their mums with other loved family members. :)

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/08/2018 23:33

Yup.i couldn’t wait to get some me time,get away some time not with burpy babies.

NotAnEssexGirl · 25/08/2018 23:36

I don’t mean to be unkind, but women like you make me terrified of motherhood. I just can’t imagine losing my sense of self to the point where it upsets me to have an hour to myself for the first time in 9 months. That is bonkers.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/08/2018 23:40

Lets be clear it’s not inevitable that one becomes subsumed and a mummy martyr
However it is a bit of a middle class badge of honour,the Velcro mum

cadburyegg · 25/08/2018 23:54

YANBU OP.

Some of these replies are a little harsh. My littlest is nearly 6 months and I left him for 2 hours a few weeks ago so DH and I could go out for a meal, he’s ebf. I don’t feel the need for a “break” with my tiny babies (nothing wrong with it though). When they’re older, yes Grin

Dieu · 26/08/2018 01:53

No offence OP, but I find this completely unrelatable.
I would have absolutely revelled in such a break!

Panda81 · 26/08/2018 02:14

I actually think it’s a little sad for the dads. When do they get their one on one time with their own babies? Why can’t mums trust that they will be able to comfort the baby if they are not there?

Greyhorses · 26/08/2018 06:12

I escaped after DS was a week or so old for an hour or two and still try too most days Blush maybe I’m a terrible mother!

Original poster
DonaldLovesDoritos · 26/08/2018 06:31

Thank you for the replies, I think? Grin

DS is breastfed so I thought that may play a part but maybe not as some other BF mums seem happy enough to have a break

DS was also one of those unicorn babies that slept through from birth and goes 12/14 hours once he passed 8 weeks. His current routine is down at 6pm and up at 7.30am/8pm so I'm definitely relaxing and doing what I like every evening without him needing me.

I am incredibly lucky there so I think a break feels less needed.

I have an hour or so to myself every week, often twice a week. Where I do things for myself, go riding etc. But it's never been 4 hours or so before.

After yesterday's time away, he came home and was asleep. He woke up and demanded a BF straight away. Then went back to his nap.

As for DH, he isn't the most of hands on dads and isn't the type to jump and alone time with DS. I'm working on changing that but I don't think he took to DS all that swimmingly when he came along, he just doesn't like how he can't pop a boob in his face and cure DS of whatever is upsetting him

OP posts:
Original poster
DonaldLovesDoritos · 26/08/2018 06:37

He is 9 months old, walking and saying words. Far from a little newborn

I just want to clarify, those 'words' he is saying are only Mum and Dada. We've now moved on from mama to Mum. I know they're used in the correct context because I don't get called Dada etc.

If I leave the room sometimes, I hear "MUM!", usually followed by him standing there at the doorway a few seconds later.

He also says 'no' to toys being taken by other children

OP posts:
Excited0803 · 26/08/2018 06:46

My baby's younger, but when I have an hour or two away from him I do feel like something's missing, like a limb. The only reason I had one evening out was because it was an important occasion, so I left expressed milk; my DH is great with him but even so he finds getting him to sleep hard. You don't have to have time away from your baby if you don't want to, only if you have plans.

mathanxiety · 26/08/2018 07:05

You are getting a few insensitive comments here, which is a pity.

Your baby sounds wonderful, and well done.

It's completely natural to feel the way you do. Babies are designed to have the effect on us that you are feeling.

Flowers
Slartybartfast · 26/08/2018 07:06

do you have plans for the 4 hours?

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/08/2018 07:06

I know how you feel

I work nights so dd 17mths is always with me daytime

It’s weird when not with me but know it’s good for her to be without me and me without her

Dd went with her big sister yesterday to a farm so out all day !!!

Yes I missed dd loads but she had a great time and I know she was looked after and safe

It’s nice to have an hour or two off - childfree shopping etc but a day is a long time and hard

But dd was happy and that’s the Main thing

And yes few words at 9mths is quite normal and dd was saying the same as yours

Slartybartfast · 26/08/2018 07:06

sorry, Did you have plans for the 4 hours?
otherwise it would be sad

Zoflorabore · 26/08/2018 07:12

I remember those days well... now dd is 7.5 I actually love it when she goes out, gives my ears a break Grin

Seriously though, children are wonderful and being a parent is fab but I believe that I'm a better parent when I've had a break.

Letting go is tough, my oldest baby is 15! He went abroad with his dad for a week earlier in the summer and i missed him so much but five minutes after he was back it was "mummmmmmm where's my x/y/z?" And I was like "aaaggghhh"

I do all of the things I don't have time for when I get a break including beauty treatments/reading/meditation/sleeping!

It gets easier with time.

Tobebythesea · 26/08/2018 07:21

I love my dd very very much but I have always disliked being with her 24 hours a day. I find it stifling. It’s good for you and your baby to spend some time alone but it understand it can be hard.

NadiaLeon · 26/08/2018 08:13

Why is this on AIBU? Unless you are being unreasonable with yourself??

MarthasGinYard · 26/08/2018 08:44

'As for DH, he isn't the most of hands on dads and isn't the type to jump and alone time with DS. I'm working on changing that but I don't think he took to DS all that swimmingly when he came along, he just doesn't like how he can't pop a boob in his face and cure DS of whatever is upsetting him'

Sounds like he doesn't get much chance TBH

I'd leave them to it more often

MarthasGinYard · 26/08/2018 08:47

Also what on Earth is a 'unicorn baby'

Xmasbaby11 · 26/08/2018 08:48

I was the same with 9mo dd ..i just loved being with dd all the time. But then it was an easy stage, she wasn't walking and would happily sit or nap for 2 hours in cafe etc so I went for long lunches with friends.

As they get older though you can't take them everywhere so easily, you have to do more child centred activities and and you need a break!

NadiaLeon · 26/08/2018 08:49

It's rare the father loves the child as much as the mother. It has always been thus. The rates of paternal infanticide have been higher throughout the centuries in all civilizations.

Fatted · 26/08/2018 08:55

People are being a bit harsh with OP about not wanting to leave her DC before. I had bad PND and anxiety with DS1 and I wouldn't leave him for a long time because I was so paranoid and anxious about it. I didn't choose to be like that and I wouldn't say I enjoyed it either. It was in no way a badge of honour. My mind was telling me something bad would happen if I left my DS with my own parents who managed to raise 4 kids without anything bad happening. It's not a nice place to be and belittling comments don't really help anyone feel better about it.

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