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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be pissed off with DH for being a big mouth?

26 replies

Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 13:35

Found out last week that I'm pregnant. It's unplanned & has been quite a shock. It'll be my 3rd baby. Youngest is 16mnts & I've just started a new job two months ago which I'm trying to prove myself in. I am feeling pretty gutted to be honest, I'm really worried about work & telling my boss. I know I'll come around eventually & be delighted, but for now I'm shocked & just coming to terms with things. I'm also exhausted & ironically only got the baby to stop breastfeeding 4 days before my positive test.

Anyway, DH met a few mates last night for a few drinks. He admitted this morning that he told one of them our news. Apparently this lad revealed that his wife is pregnant, due in Dec, so say 5/6 mnts gone & decided to tell his mate. I'm 5 weeks gone. I specifically asked him to keep it between ourselves until after my first appointment, (which he agreed to, two days ago) as last time, he lasted one day with the news before telling his sister, who in turn told her daughter, who told her boyfriend etc etc. I told my friends & family @13wks.

Im so annoyed that he has so little respect for my wishes. I feel, being the person carrying the baby, I should have a right to my privacy.

I called him untrustworthy, and he says I need to 'relax and stop being dramatic'.
My point is that he has no regard for me or my feelings.
His response was that I shouldn't tell him things.

What an arse. AIBU or dramatic?

OP posts:
heartsease68 · 25/08/2018 14:10

YANBU

Don't think he'll change though. Poor impulse control.

WankStainWasher · 25/08/2018 14:11

Firstly, congratulations.
Secondly, YANBU. My rule was: don't tell anyone until I got past 12 weeks.

Also, I hate hate hate when someone, especially someone who is supposed to be your life partner, totally disregards your wishes and feelings; then when you call them on it they put it back on you that your'e "being dramatic" or "it's no big deal". It feels like a punch in the gut when the one person you rely on for emotional support pulls that shit. Flowers

RedNed · 25/08/2018 14:13

Yanbu. I would be pretty pissed off and disappointed in my dh if he did this.

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 14:15

@wankstain you've absolutely summed up how I feel. He knows rightly that he's in the wrong and attack is the best form of defence. I genuinely feel that he's not trustworthy when it comes to passing on information. So annoyed & let down. Especially given this news isn't exactly happy for me, yet. Just can't believe he's done it AGAIN & hasn't learned anything from last time.

OP posts:
tenterden · 25/08/2018 14:29

YANBU

However, you did know he has form for not being able to keep his big gob shut.

He should apologise and grovel. Flowers

SandyY2K · 25/08/2018 14:29

YANBU. I'd be pissed off too.

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 14:33

@tenderden you'd think he would apologise. Last time he did this, we were on holidays with his whole family (I tested the day before we went & he told his sister the first night) so had to get over my annoyance fast & not allow an atmosphere to develop. (also we tried for quite a while for her so he was totally, utterly over the moon with excitement) He obviously feels like there's no consequences for breaking my trust.

Asshole.

OP posts:
waterandlemonjuice · 25/08/2018 14:33

YABU - he told a good mate, as it came up in conversation and it's hardly a state secret. I think you're being precious.

waterandlemonjuice · 25/08/2018 14:35

I suppose I just think there are bigger things worth arguing about and this isn't one of them, or wouldn't be for me.

sexnotgender · 25/08/2018 14:36

YANBU, what a child. Is he usually unable to follow simple instructions?

Hopoindown31 · 25/08/2018 14:39

Of course you should be annoyed but don't allow this to balloon in to some massive issue as some in here seem to want.

Sounds like he is excited to me.

DarlingNikita · 25/08/2018 14:46

he says I need to 'relax and stop being dramatic'.
His response was that I shouldn't tell him things.

I fucking hate this. He goes against something you specifically and clearly talked to him about, and it's YOUR feelings that are at fault? And you shouldn't tell him things because he's what, too thick to understand what 'don't tell anyone' means? Fuck off and take some responsibility.

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 25/08/2018 14:52

water she's only 5 weeks pg, unsure of her own reaction, needs privacy to process the news, specifically asked him NOT to say anything and YET she's the one being "precious" about having her feelings completely disregarded?!!? ODFOD.

OP I would also be very upset with him both for his inability to keep schtum but even more for his juvenile reaction - don't tell him anything? Yeah that's a great way for a marriage to keep going, don't tell him you're pregnant until you're ready for the world to know as well? What a prat.

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 14:55

I won't let it balloon, but I am hoping for an apology. We had a mutually agreed plan & within a day he had done his own thing. Annoyed also due to the fact that I'm struggling with coping with this news & very, very worried about work.

Am I being precious? I think it's not too much to expect that he does what we agreed & allows me my privacy until the pregnancy is a bit more established.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 25/08/2018 14:56

Am I being precious?

NO

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 15:00

Thanks @half & @Nikita, it's good to feel understood. Total juvenile reaction, he totally turned it around on me. I know by him, he knows it too. He's impossible to argue with / get my point across to, cos he just reverses everything in me.

OP posts:
HamishsMomma · 25/08/2018 15:11

Congratulations OP even though I can understand why you are in a state of shock. Far too early to tell people in my opinion - I have lost 2 at 6-7 weeks so never tell until 12 weeks. He is obviously excited but totally ignoring your wishes is a dick move on his part - he needs to apologise and also understand WHY you are annoyed by his behaviour.

TomHardysNextWife · 25/08/2018 15:41

I'd be furious. He had no right to tell anyone when you'd asked him not to.

Do you think he did it to make sure you went through with the pregnancy? I'm just wondering as you said you were in shock and the timing isn't great?

Original poster
Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 18:42

@Tomswife, we were both certain that we'd go ahead with the pregnancy as soon as it became apparent so no, he told for no other reason than he's a fucking mouthpiece.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sassypants82 · 25/08/2018 18:43

@HamishsMomma I'm so sorry for your loses. Totally agree - madness to be saying anything at this stage. I've barley missed my period ffs.

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 25/08/2018 19:00

Im a bit on the fence. When you're excited about something its hard to keep a lid on it after a few pesky drinks.
Somethin similar happened with Mr Buns and i. This time last year i was around 8 weeks pregnant with our first and only baby. I wanted to wait till after first scan.
I told him to keep his gob shut lol. He too told a mate while at the pub after a few drinks.
I was pissed off at first. But after about 20 mins i realised that he is as entitled to be happy and excited and giddy about it just as much as i am.
Im pretty sure after a couple of drinks id have let the cat out the bag myself.
Mr Buns did apologise and felt awful after so i forgave lol

Thing is though your partners response is a bit shitty!

Cloglover · 25/08/2018 19:17

If he agreed to not say anything, he should have stuck to his promise. If he didn't agree with having to keep it quiet - he should have been honest about it and discussed and negotiated with you. It's a trust issue. He's done a bit of a cunty thing and I hope he owns it. That's the only way he can redeem himself really! Hope he comes to his senses. You are deffo nbu!

waterandlemonjuice · 25/08/2018 19:36

Halfahunna, there's really no need to be rude to me, I'm as entitled to my opinion as you are.

stillawakeat4amagain · 25/08/2018 20:28

i think he has as much right to tell people as you do its his baby too

DarlingNikita · 28/08/2018 14:20

i think he has as much right to tell people as you do its his baby too

Not the point. He agreed not to tell anyone. He's gone back on his word. The OP can't trust him.