To want to shake her?

[hopeitsnottooouting]

So, really really hope this isn’t too outing.
One of my best friends is a so called “Instagram influencer”
She has around 30k followers and has got these over the past maybe 2 years.
I spent another play date with her yesterday basically ignoring me and ignoring her kids purely so she can post constantly on Instagram.
In the 4 hours I saw her she posted approx 25 times.
Anything from photos of the kids, to the menu, to videos describing the place, to photos showing the weather where we were, selfies of herself, photos of herself with forkfuls of food about to go in her mouth.
Because she has so many followers she’s invited to events maybe once a month, just parties or grand openings. She also gets a few freebies or samples a month that she’ll review.
I am in no way jealous of her, but I’m worried.
Her kids are getting neglected. In the 4 hours yesterday she barely spoke to them, lost them numerous times, left one with a dirty nappy for ages and basically dumped the child care of our 5 combined kids to me.
She’s ignoring her friends as she’s just sat on instagram.
She’s ignoring her husband and he’s threatening to leave her over her Instagram use.
You genuinely cannot even have a 5 minute conversation without her going “hang on a sec” and interrupting you to Instagram.
She is so so bloody boring.
Her house has gone downhill, there’s no clean clothes for the kids and it’s filthy.
She’s even cut family days short as there’s no 3G so she’s got no signal to post.
Apparently she needs to post every 10/15 mins to keep followers?
She is wrecking her whole family just to be popular on Instagram.
I just can’t be arsed to be around her, likewise most of her friends.
Why can’t she see what she’s missing out on right in front of her?

Personally I would walk away but I would tell her why. Write it down in a letter or email so that she can't misinterpret and so that she can mull it over on her own. Anything face to face is bound to make her defensive.

We staged an intervention for my dads alcoholism, it was an awful experience and crucially didn't work, I think it actually made things worse.

Very sad. I wouldn't meet her again and explain why.

Is she making money from it? If she is then she’s working - still bloody rude to meet up with friends and ignore them.
She sounds addicted, i suspect that’s what it is though.

Can you do an intervention?
Can you be bothered?
Was the person she used to be worth it?

What the bloody hell is an 'influencer' ? I'm getting too old for all this rubbish !

What the bloody hell is an 'influencer' ? I'm getting too old for all this rubbish !
As I understand it, it's someone who posts on Insta or similar and has a large following, and who "influences" their followers' decisions over what to buy because they recommend products, directly or indirectly. Less commercially, they kind of influence lifestyle choices by putting theirs up on Insta as being enviable.

I run a business selling items via social media, I 'work' 10-4 in the week when DC1 is in child care, DC2 is only 6 months old so is happy playing and being fed on demand. But I'm acutely aware of not being on my phone when with friends etc unless absolutely necessary, and never during couple times/meal times

It's a fine balance but this is my actual work and makes the equivalent of DH's salary, rather than occasional freebies

Maybe create a private instagram account that only you can see, and post photos you have taken of her real life - scruffy kids, unhappy husband, untidy house, etc - then invite her over and present it to her as an intervention

So today’s offering is bf deciding she’s going to go for a run. She’s all kitted out in sports wear (I’ve never even known her to go to the gym tbh)
She’s obviously got her husband to take an arty shot of her running, but unfortunately there are some very miserable looking children sat on a bench in the background.
So this whole false debacle has probably taken at least an hour when she could have actually been doing something meaningful.
It’s so bloody bizarre.

@clockworklime
Good idea - Or just millions of photos of her staring at her phone in a range of locations while the world goes on around her.

Won't look like a perfect life then. Will look pretty lonely.

It's an extreme version of what millions do every day on Facebook. Checking in to restaurants, pubs or wherever they are, taking stylised photos of meals and posting immediately. you see these people having a 'great time with fam' apparently but to me it's a family with heads down on their own devices, creating a fake veneer of their life, a show reel.

Don't compare someone's show reel to your cutting room floor.

Whoever said that was bang on and I remind my teen DDs regularly when they get social media envy.

I think you should create a blog about this person(anonymously) so that young people can see what the reality is.

hopeitsnottooouting, you're overdoing it now with your last post. You made your point, you've said that you've distanced yourself from her - and yet you're still talking about what she's doing today.

Realms of legal stalking but a bit pointless, no?

I also think you would quite like to 'out' your 'friend' and bring her crashing down... that last post was too much.

Everyoneiswingingit, would they though? Would 'young' people or anybody else really be taken in by something that is so fake-able? I think not.

I think anonymity, used for that purpose, would be deplorable.

If you're her "BF" I dread to think what her enemies look like.

I was just trying to prove a point with what she’s posted today.
I don’t use Instagram to be honest, but meeting up with her yesterday made me curious to see exactly what she is posting that takes up so much of her time.
And people today have specifically asked about her posting frequency, which has made me look on there a lot more than usual.
So, no, I’m not stalking her. If I’m honest I didn’t realise the situation was as bad as it currently is, as like I say, I’ve been distancing myself.

She sounds deeply unhappy in her day to day life and is craving attention on IG. When more and more people follow her it will make her feel important but it's all fake! If you are her BF I would be having words before she loses everything.

I’ve changed enough detail for it to not be outing.
But all 100% factual.
Just the irrelevant things, like number of kids, exact job, items she was sent to promote etc have been changed.

Don't compare someone's show reel to your cutting room floor.

I love that, thank you! - great social media variation on what someone used to say to me - don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides.

An influencer is a Judas goat but in a marketing context.

Your friendship can't continue with her acting this way. With that in mind, I would probably tell her exactly what I think. Buts there's no going back. She won't listen. An intervention, with everyone who is important to her, has maybe more chance of getting through to her, but it's likely to blow up as as well, because she would be totally humiliated. It's a really tough one. She is addicted. And addictions are complicated. Professional help maybe? Its a horrible situation OP. Good luck with it.

Oh the perils of social media. Glad it wasn't around when mine were little.

It's like a drug really! People can't even go out for a meal without messing about on their phones - a few years back that was considered ill mannered in company, phones were switched off.

Tell her how you feel.

I've never seen an Instagram influencer with scruffy, dirty kids and a messy home.

It's her life. Let her ruin it herself.

Why does she not have an app to queue/schedule social media posts? Means she would only have to do it 1-2 days a week?!