To not want to share a bed with DH?

[Housecat09]

I can no longer sleep in a shared bed. I am pregnant and I sleep terribly when pregnant. DH sleeps in a way that gets air into the bed and the cold air on my back wakes me up. The only time I can actually sleep is when I have the bed to myself.

I’m miserable due to not getting any sleep. Last night I woke up 15 times between 2 and 5, and I feel awful.

DH was offended when I told him he should sleep on a spare bed until I have given birth, and took it as a personal slight.

AIBU to want seperate beds until then? If I am what can I do?

YANBU. Wake him up every single time you wake up.

YANBU. Get him out.

No you are not unreasonable.

I've spent random nights on the sofa and my OH has slept on the floor during pregnancy. He was actually annoyed I went off to sleep on the sofa as he thinks he's the one who should move.

We also frequently use separate covers like other couples we known regardless of pregnancy, which makes sharing a bed easier.

Sleeping separately at times has saved my sanity and our marriage!
When stressed I'm a terrible sleeper and the littlest thing will stop me sleeping. Pregnancy was rough too.
It needs to be a discussion though or the other person can feel very rejected.

My DH moved to the spare bed when I was around 25 weeks I think as it meant we both got more sleep.
I would go in with him for a cuddle for half an hour (or sex towards the end as I was overdue ) then go to bed so we still got some closeness.
Even now if one of us is very tired we'll go into the spare room.

YANBU, without sleep any marriage can quickly go downhill. Mind, I haven't slept in the same bed as my DH in years (he snores).

If you absolutely have to stay, are two separate single duvets an option?

Air on your back? If that’s the issue couldn’t you just have a separate duvet that you can wrap yourself into? That way your back is covered regardless of what he does.

Oh and some pregnancy pillows are massive. If you use one later on in pregnancy with other pillows he probably won't fit in the bed anyway or will otherwise feel rejected.

He needs to grow up.

I think men tie themselves to an idea that if you don't sleep together you don't love each other. But many couples sleep separately.

I went into the spare bed after the birth of my second child. I'm still there. It saved out marriage. And we have 4 DC and have a good sex life even though it wasn't the best when the kids were young.

It great- he comes by invite only!

I have a bed to myself, no snoring, no hot body etc etc. I can go to bed early and not be disturbed.

Controversial but I know there are loads of people with this arrangement.

As an aside, you're pregmand need sleep!

Separate duvets might work . The main problem is him flapping the quilt which fans me, and wakes me up due to the pregnancy making me a sensitive sleeper.

Glad to know it isn’t just me who has this issue! I’m turning into a grumpy, anxious, snappy person which isn’t who I want to be, and it’s because I get no sleep!

YANBU - you need your sleep! I can see his side too though, my DH was also sad when I said similar to him and he said it was because he loves sleeping next to me and waking up to me.

Could you temporarily have 2 single duvets?

Yes he sees it as a rejection. For me it’s just a practicality thing, we both need sleep and it’s no good for either of us if I am permanently pissed off due to lack of sleep. He mentioned that I seem moody and unhappy too so I know it’s showing that I am not sleeping.

I think bed sharing is very impractical if you aren’t someone who is a cuddly sleeper. I am definitely not a cuddly sleeper!

Genuinely don’t mean this unkindly, but is there a reason you can’t move?

I moved into the spare bed with our newborn as it just seemed to make more sense. We used to get into the same bed for a chat at night, and whoever got up first would go into the other in the morning so it was less distant. Spare bed was less comfortable so I bought a decent topper for it and it was fine.

YANBU, we took turns sleeping elsewhere when I was pregnant

I don't think you're unreasonable, but if DH really doesn't want to sleep apart, how about using 2 single quilts on the bed, instead of one double? They do this in some European countries, so it's not as outlandish as it sounds!
That way, you can keep your own quilt wrapped around you. It's also handy if one person prefers a different weight of quilt on them. I've been considering it for our bed, because my DH always kicks the covers off him when he sleeps, as he gets hot, whereas I feel cold often, so like to be snuggled under them.

Perhaps suggest that to DH as another option, he should want you to be able to get a decent night's sleep.

If he says no to both, take yourself off to the spare bed and let him feel upset, he deserves it if he's going to be unreasonable.

No I can move as well, it doesn’t really matter who uses the spare bed!

I’d do that, or at least have it set up and ready so you could start in the same bed and move if needed?

Good luck. Not sleeping is awful anyway, but definitely worse while pregnant.

I don't know if Im missing something, but why are you asking your DH to go to a spare bed?
Why don't you go to the spare bed?

Could you try wearing a t shirt top to keep you back warm, just a thought? I had to do this.

YANBU. We sleep separately during pregnancy...i have hyperemesis and just cannot cope with the movement and smells that come from sharing a bed! We also tend to sleep separately when the baby is very small as we tend to go to bed at very different times and the idea of being woken by my husband coming to bed as well as by a small baby is no fun! Plus if we split the night, the baby can go in the other room with my husband for a bit and I can get some really good sleep.

I'd talk to him about it at a time when you can calmly explain its just a practical measure. Its not reflective of any change in emotion/feeling about the relationship. Maybe have a date night every now and then when you do 'stay over' with him? Its only a short period in your life but sleep is very very essential over the next few months. Best of luck.

My DH and I have always had our own duvets, works really well, maybe try that.

Agree with others - individual duvets are the answer. DH thinks they're the slippery slope but doesn't otherwise complain.

We sleep separately, it’s the only way we get any sleep. We’re very happily married.

I think individual duvets would donit tbh! He always complains I wrap myself up in it and I complain he waves it around.

I feel silly for not thinking of this!

Why don't you go and sleep in the spare bed?

You two could have a cuddle or whatever and then you trip lightly (or heavily as you're pregnant) into the spare bed. If you wake up before him, return to the marital bed for another cuddle.

Your ol' man likes having you with him and doesn't really understand but you're not rejecting him; there are ways to make him feel loved without spending an entire night, uncomfortable, by his side.

Btw I don't know what sort of double bed you have but a super king is amazing. You will have lots of sleepless nights when the little one arrives and you find you are sleeping three in a bed, waking frequently to check on the baby.