To feel hurt by my friend

[PaintedRock]

I have 3 children, my eldest is 6. I have a friend that I have known for years and years that has a son the same age. We meet up regularly, and my son and her son are in the same class so also share school friends.

I messaged her yesterday to say that my other 2 dc were with their dad for the day and that I was thinking of taking ds to a local event that she had previously shown interest in.

Received a response saying "that would have been great but I'm going to legoland tomorrow".

Ok, didn't think anymore of it.

Then today I see lots of photos on another school mums (public) Facebook page with photos of her and her dc and my friend and her ds all at Legoland. Trip was planned - from comments it was pre-arranged not an accidental meet up.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that the invite wasn't extended to me too? My ds would have loved it - and my friend knew that I only had my ds that day rather than his 2 siblings too which would have made the trip impractical and v expensive.

Or, am I being over sensitive?

Yabu she is allowed to do things with other people.

Maybe she was getting a lift with the other person and couldn't invite you as it wasn't her place to

Yabu, she or her son or the other mum or her ds may have wanted it to be just this group. I hate massive meet ups and much prefer pré-arranged meetings with as small groups as possible.

From the way you have written it your friend knew yesterday you only had your eldest today so if it was planned in advance she didn't really know did she.

Also you say the other mums Facebook is public are you friends with her? Is your ds friends with her Ds? Maybe she arranged and your friend thought it would be rude to extend the invite further?

I get it would have been a nice day for you and ds and your would have liked to go but we can't all be invited to everything and there are lots of possible reasons why you weren't this time, I think you are being a little over sensitive best thing to do is move on and enjoy what's left of your holidays

Yabvu.

"that would have been great but I'm going to legoland tomorrow".

You could have said "Great idea, can I come too?"

Yabu, she doesn't have to include you on everything she does, she is allowed to have other friends and do things with those friends too..

Plus how do you know that the other women was not the one who planned the legal and trip and invited your friend...your friend could hardly then start inviting others if she was a guest herself?

Don't fall out with your friend over something so petty, to be hurt by something like this makes you sound jealous and possessive of your friend

I disagree @NewYearNewMe18 , if you’ve not been invited there’s a reason for it.

*legoland trip...not legal and trip

I agree with anxious, she was probably invited by the other school mum. It’s ok for her to have other friends.

YABU, sorry. When you say the other school mum's page is public, do you mean that you are not actually FB friends with her?

The other Mum probably suggested it? But either way she is allowed to have other friendships, which are allowed their own space, and are not determined by you. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, it just means she’s not perpetually responsible for your plans/happiness.

Yabu

Do you have to do everything together?

Agree with other posters - YABU, she is allowed to have other friends. (I can see where you're coming from, however still think YABU).

Ah I'm sure it would've been a lovely day out for you & DS, but there are lots of reasons why the other mum didn't extend the invite. I'm sure it wasn't personal, so try not to feel bad. There'll be many more days out x

I can see why you’d feel a bit sad- but still, YABU.

Other people have lives which often don’t revolve around us, and actually it’s totally fine.

Just to clarify I'm not going to fall out with her. That's not my style.

I'm friends with the other schoolmum. Have socialised with her and our dc are friends. But, not FB friends with her.

I guess the irritating thing is, I've had pre-arranged plans with my friend previously that she then extended to other schoolmum. I found out the day of the plans...

But, when the shoe is on the other foot, the invite wasn't extended to me.

No lift sharing as neither car would be big enough. Plus I have my own car so not reliant on lifts.

I don't blame you for being a bit miffed but it's one of those things that you can't know exactly the reason why it happened that way and you can't do any snooping to find out because it would worsen the situation and make you look a bit clingy.

So basically it's not something you can do much about and each time it occupies your mental space tell it to bog off!

Honestly not worth getting stressed about it. It's entirely possible the other parent suggested the trip. Or there may have been a reason the two of them wanted to meet or a reason the 2 boys wanted to spend time together or ......

You could block them

Oh, I'm not going to snoop. I'm not at all clingy or possessive - honestly. Though I might be coming across that way

I guess I just feel hurt. And if it had been the other way around, I'd have extended the invite to my friend.

What Atrocious said - the other mum probably suggested it and on this occasion the suggestion didn’t include you. That’s ok...they are allowed to have a friendship on their own terms. It doesn’t mean she thinks any less of her friendship with you.

Would you have invited your friend if a 3rd party had suggested the trip?

There is no evidence from what you've posted that your friend has done anything wrong - so no reason to feel hurt. Choose to think about the situation differently.