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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To buy the house where a friend died?

44 replies

IrisAnon · 24/08/2018 18:58

Namey name change as this might be outing.
We've been waiting for a house to come up in the local area and within our budget. We have specific things we are looking for, including an outbuilding that can be used as an office.
Lots of lovely things have come up, but frustratingly just over what we can afford.
A perfect house has just come onto the market and in a great location......problem is one of my very good friends used to live there (rented) with her family only a few years ago. It really is perfect and just within our range. However, she sadly died from an awful protracted illness. I spent a good few playdates at the house and I know lots of other school mum friends did too, so I know it will be known as 'Iris has moved into X's old house'. She also spent her last days in the house ( I wasn't there for those times as it was family only), and I'm occasionally a bit 'woooo' (particularly after reading the spooky threads on MN!). I was very upset at the time, but looking at the photos, I just see a house - albeit with a few memories.
What would you do? Would it bother you?

OP posts:
gonnabreakmyrustycage · 24/08/2018 19:00

No it wouldn’t bother me at all.

FASH84 · 24/08/2018 19:00

It wouldn't bother me, especially as it was an illness not a violent end. Maybe you could do something like plant a nice tree in the garden to remember her. I'm sure she'd like to know someone was bringing happiness back to her old home

MimiSunshine · 24/08/2018 19:01

Yes, it was your friends boved family home. If you’re a big woo, Don’t you think she’d be happy to know that someone she knows will love it just as much will love there now?

SurfingOwl · 24/08/2018 19:02

Have you viewed the house to see what you think of it now? You might feel fine about buying it when you go to look round and wonder why you worried.

toothtruth · 24/08/2018 19:02

Id do it. I think its nice. If she was a friend she would probably be happy to know you were living in and enjoying her old house.

formerbabe · 24/08/2018 19:02

No it wouldn't bother me. I think it's really weird when people are freaked out by the thought of someone dying in a house. Obviously violent deaths, murder or suicide aside...that would be unsettling, but dying at home after an illness or of old age happens all the time. Several of my deceased relatives died at home, and I know friends whose relatives have died at home too.

Carrrotsandcauliflower · 24/08/2018 19:04

I think- you were friends, she would be pleased that you have found what need.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 24/08/2018 19:04

I think you should go for it. You can make the house your own and make new memories, and you will have memories of your friend which will be less painful over time.

IrisAnon · 24/08/2018 19:05

Yes - I'm trying to think along the lines that I'm sure I've lived in houses where people have died before.
The other aspect is whether it would forever be known as X's old house?

OP posts:
StartingAgain1 · 24/08/2018 19:07

I like the tree idea. I don't think it's a bad thing to move into the house. People probably will mention it at first but then it will be forgotten about.
We bought our house from a lady who had died here, only had 1 odd comment from a neighbour.
I'm sure your friend would be happy if she knew her friend would be living in her old house

IrisAnon · 24/08/2018 19:08

Sorry - entered before I had finished..... What I mean is if I then had my own playdates, would our friends (joint school and we all helped her out) find it a bit uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 24/08/2018 19:09

I think your friend would want you to be happy. And I’m sure she’d find it a fitting tribute by bringing warmth and love back to it.

missymayhemsmum · 24/08/2018 19:11

Buy the house, put up a picture of your old friend, plant a tree or a rose bush in her honour, and remember the good times you had when the kids were small. Let her family know you still remember her, and would be glad to see them.

IrisAnon · 24/08/2018 19:12

Thank you for the lovely words - a tree is a lovely idea!

OP posts:
BusterTheBulldog · 24/08/2018 19:14

I think it’s a nice thing actually, agree with tree / photo. I’m sure your friend would want you to continue happy times in that house.

longwayoff · 24/08/2018 19:27

Lovely idea FASH, plant a tree for her. Feel quite touched myself.

Pastaagain78 · 24/08/2018 19:30

You should buy it.

DickTERFin · 24/08/2018 19:35

Buy it. My gran died in April and her neighbor is buying her house - I think it’s nice as she already has a connection to it.

girlalmighty · 24/08/2018 19:44

I'd be worried I would still see it as 'her' house.

Also I'd think something weird would fallen. Then again I watch too many horror films

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 24/08/2018 19:46

Buy it and remember her with joy. She would want you to be happy

The tree is a fab idea

Bluelady · 24/08/2018 19:50

How lovely to live in your friend's house. I bet she'd be delighted.

didofido · 24/08/2018 20:07

I used to live in a 16th century house. Many people must have died in it - or doesn't it count as woo if you didn't know them? In fact I knew some of their names from local records.

Isleepinahedgefund · 24/08/2018 20:07

I’d happily live there.

A young friend of mine died at home recently of a horrible, protracted illness. Her family will never move from there now, but if they did and I had the opportunity to live there I would in a heartbeat

It will be always be “her” house, but it will also be “your” house.

The idea of planting a tree is a lovely one that I’m sure her family would appreciate. I think the worst thing you could do is to move in and pretend the whole thing didn’t happen.

BathroomLights · 24/08/2018 20:21

Will her children come to visit your children on playdates?

Laiste · 24/08/2018 20:26

I see what you're saying OP.

It's not so much ''should i buy the house my friend died in'' but more ''is it going to be weird doing all the same things with potentially all the same people in the place my friend chose as her home and died in''.

I'd feel a bit not quite right about it too, tbh.

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