To buy the house where a friend died?

[IrisAnon]

Namey name change as this might be outing.
We've been waiting for a house to come up in the local area and within our budget. We have specific things we are looking for, including an outbuilding that can be used as an office.
Lots of lovely things have come up, but frustratingly just over what we can afford.
A perfect house has just come onto the market and in a great location......problem is one of my very good friends used to live there (rented) with her family only a few years ago. It really is perfect and just within our range. However, she sadly died from an awful protracted illness. I spent a good few playdates at the house and I know lots of other school mum friends did too, so I know it will be known as 'Iris has moved into X's old house'. She also spent her last days in the house ( I wasn't there for those times as it was family only), and I'm occasionally a bit 'woooo' (particularly after reading the spooky threads on MN!). I was very upset at the time, but looking at the photos, I just see a house - albeit with a few memories.
What would you do? Would it bother you?

Think of it from her viewpoint. How nice for her and her family that someone who loved her and will remember her is going to buy her house. How nice for her friends that they will be able to go back to her house and remember her there. It might be a bit weird for everyone the first time but you'll know how that feels when you go for a viewing. I wouldn't let it stop you.

I would not do this myself. Too many memories, not just for yourself but for others who may visit the house.

Bathroomlights no, her children won't come as they now live out of the UK, but my DD was friends with them, so there is that to consider. DD won't have been in the house for over 3 years, so I'm not sure how much of it she will remember.
We were a group of mum friends at school and Laiste has summed up really well what I'm saying. If I moved in and had playdates, the children who used to come there to have playdates with my old friend a few years ago (about 3yrs ago) would be some of the same children invited back.

I also have to admit to having a bit of a weird experience when she died - it's one of the things that made me a bit 'woo' about having connections to people who have died. I feel a bit odd talking about it as I can't explain it, and I know some sceptics here might think I'm talking a lot of twaddle!

Oh, and I grew up in a house that our family have lived in for hundreds of years and I never think about the the different generations that have died. I like being able to go back to my childhood home that DBro now lives in. It's the same but different and that's fine.

Wouldn't think twice.

If you’re comfortable with it, it sounds like it’s meant to be

I would buy it in a second. If her spirit is there, it will be a happy one and I'm sure she would be thrilled that a friend has made her house a home.

I’d buy it. If I died and another friend was considering buying my house I’d want them to have it. And it wouldn’t matter if house was known as ‘dead friends name house’ or mine.

I would buy it and plant a lovely tree as a rememberance of her. I would be happy to know that someone I knew and loved lived in my house after i’d died.

lt wouldn't bother me unless it had been a violent death, which this clearly wasn't. And l agree with the others who have said she'd be over the moon about you living there.
My mother took her own life in her house, and when l was clearing the house afterwards l didn't feel 'weird' at all. l was talking to her as l was finding things in cupboards, etc.
Good luck with your new house. l hope you have many happy years there. x

If you are comfortable with it then go for it. I think any weirdness among mutual friends would wear off very quickly, especially if you redecorate and make it different.

I wouldn't think twice about it, especially if the memories there were pretty much nice ones for me. Planting a tree is a lovely idea.

My cousin (who is like a sister to me) bought my old home from my parents 30 years ago. I love visiting there. She's redecorated and really made it in to 'her' home even though there are a few bits and pieces that are the same as when I lived there. I think of it as 'Suzie's (not her name) house' now. When I visit she always greets me with 'welcome home' and we always spend time reminiscing about when we were younger and she would come over to play and the big family get togethers there.

Even if the other mums start out thinking of it as X's house, it'll soon become your house, especially since the mums will be telling the DC "We're going to a play-date at

I am part of an English speaking community in another country where there is a strong renting culture, and it's fairly common for "house swaps" to occur within the group. It does happen that people will say X's old house, especially when explaining where it is for example, but only very initially. It very quickly becomes Y's house.

In that situation, if I loved it, I’d buy it.

Before reading all of the details my hesitation would have been diwn to firstly, her children and DH - how they’d feel, but as they’ve moved overseas they won’t be turning up for play dates etc.

Secondly, if I was buying from her DH, being sure I was paying market value for it because I wouldn’t want to pay less than it was worth, but as they only rented it and you’re not buying from him, then that’s not an issue.

Who has been living in it then past 3 years? People without kids at your kids school(s)?

I would do as has been suggested. Totally embrace it, make it yours - but plant a tree/rose bush and have a few photos of her around - then it’s acknowledging it was her home, where she died, rather than it seeming like she’s been forgotten.

It might be very difficult for her very close friend(s) so I would definitely mention it to them before it’s public knowledge. In fact, if I was very good friends with someone who was her very good friend I’d talk to them about it first. If it was one of my very close friends I wouldn’t buy it, if it was going to upset them too much to visit me there, but, I do think the fact they rented it does make make a bit of difference. I’m not sure why, because it was still their home, but it feels like slightly less of an issue somehow.

As for people still calling it ‘friends’ house, that wouldn’t bother me and it’s natural at first (whether she’d died or just moved), gradually it’ll become ‘IrisFamily’ house.

Also, as they rented it things probably weren’t done by them or their choice and as it’s been rented out for 3 years since she died, somethings will already have been changed, so I wouldn’t feel like I was being horrible changing things.

I hope you buy it and are happy there 🌷

Not in the slightest it sounds perfect. Like any second hand property there is a risk someone has died or it could be built on an ancient unmarked grave? but this way you know the lady as a friend and have had happy times there. Go for it, it sounds perfect.

Am I being unreasonable to live in the house where my husband committed suicide?
My house, by the way.
If it suits you, why not?

PlainVanilla I am sorry to hear about your husband

I think it's actually quite lovely and will be a nice way to remember her.