AIBU people ignoring my name

[smilysmilysmily]

So this is lighthearted, but its really starting to grate on me, make me feel slightly patronised :(

I wont use my actual name but a similar one...

Birth name similar to Jane, but have only ever been called Janie.

All my official emails, signatures etc are Janie. Why do people insist on then calling me Jane in replies or on the phone etc

Possibly because if your name really is Janie, they think you'd prefer Jane as the former is less grown up.

It could be that your name sounds informal and overfriendly so people use a more formal version so as not to offend, and then offend you!

Don't worry its not actually Janie - it was only name I could think of off the cuff that sounded similar

I get that maybe people think its not a grown up name - but its the name I choose to introduce myself as, I find it annoying people make the decision that it might sound too informal for them ...

In formal settings like business, people prefer to use formal names especially with women.

I know an Anne known as Annie. As a kid she hated if anyone called her Annie and insisted on Anne. She then became Annie I think in her 20s. I think a lot of people consider it a nickname and therefore over familiar as pp have suggested, as she has made similar complaints as you!

If I have a contact at a customer company whose email address and signature block say Angela Johnson (or similar) even if she signs off her emails 'best regards, Angie' I always use the full name in the address or signature block until I get to know her better, it just seems over familiar to do otherwise. If the name in the email addy was Angie though I'd certainly assume that was the correct way to address that person. YANBU OP.

I have similar OP.

The name I introduce myself as ends in an 'E' sound like you. I think people find it sounds a bit too informal. A lot nicknames end in the soft 'E' sound.

Annoyingly though it then gets shortened to the masculine version of my name.

Even if I introduce myself using my full name I still end up with the boy name.

I don’t always feel comfortable using someone’s nickname if I don’t know them too well. It feels overly familiar to me.

Even the rich and famous suffer from this: I hear that Madonna hates it when people insist on using her stuffy, official full name, when all of her friends and family always call her Madge.

I have to agree that it's people thinking that it is your nickname, and trying to be more formal with you in a professional setting.

2 of my nieces are likely to have this issue, as they were both given names ending in "ie" (like Janie but not) as their full name, but people will assume automatically that they are nicknames for the usual full names associated with those nicknames.

One way you could get round it is to change the spelling of your name to make it more clear that it's NOT a nickname - e.g. Janee rather than Janie (using your own example).

Given all your work accounts are Janie, I can’t see why they’re being more formal by calling you Jane - likely they’re not paying attention?

My surname has several legitimate spellings and people always spell it wrong, even when I spell it out to them!

Personally, I address people as they introduce themselves to me. I'll also point it out if they try to change my name (fortunately rare ...)

Anything else is a bit .... presumptuous ?

Anyone worked with a colleague who has got onto IT and had their first name capitalised in the address book ? I used to work with a DAVID Smith ...

Even the rich and famous suffer from this: I hear that Madonna hates it when people insist on using her stuffy, official full name, when all of her friends and family always call her Madge.

I thought it was the other way round ... she hated "Madge" Which is why the Sun went to town on it .

It may be because they know other people called Janie who insist on Jane and that influences what they call you.

I have a similar situation where my name is commonly shortened. I always introduce myself with the full name because that is what I prefer other people to call me but lots shorten it and it I can feel the screech of nails on a blackboard in my head EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! Even when I correct them several times and they still do it

I don't mind it when people close to me call me the shortened name, but they've earned the right. I feel your pain OP.

So they are using your actual name? Just not your preferred one?

It is annoying, even more annoying when people call you shortenings of your name that you've never used before though. Happens to me all the time

Annoying as it is, can't you just correct them? When they call you Jane, just say it's Janie.

DP has this. He has a very common name which has two spellings, one more common than the other but DP has the lesser common. You can literally write his name to someone and they will still use the other spelling as if you have purposely misspelt his name. It’s really annoying.

I had this with my late Mum -- her name was Anne but everyone in offiicialdom called her, over-familiarly I thought, Annie, until she or I corrected them. She was definitely Anne on her passport, medical, DSS, and HMRC records etc.
After she died I saw her birth certificate and she was indeed called Annie!
(But these people had any way of knowing that. I found it a bit patronising especially as I presume she had preferred Anne, which was why it was she'd used it in all the official forms and correspondence.)

...had no way of knowing that...

I don't usually call people I don't know well by nicknames, out of respect. It feels over-familiar.

I always use the names people give, so if someone introduces themselves as Mike, I call them Mike. If someone introduces themselves as Michael, I call them Michael.

I know an Annie, but it's short for Angela not Anne.

I think it's pretty rude to call people by a different name than the one they use, unless you're extremely close to them

No matter what, people will call you what they want or what they think you want to be called, regardless of what the correct name is. All my life, people have called me everything but my actual name, and I just expect it, and I just correct them politely. I am always happy when someone corrects me of their desired name. I think that most people want to call you what you want to be called, but they may not remember which is correct if they have a memory of more than one option.

It feels awkward using people's nicknames if you don't know them. Inappropriate. What happens when you correct them and explain that you really use XYZ? Or do you not?

Also, it reminds me of the photo Lenny Kravitz uploaded of Gwyneth Paltrow saying, "The only person in the world who calls me Leonard". Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow hates nicknames. To me that seems more intimate than just calling him Lenny like everyone else, but they're friends so he lets it slide.

I have this. I just use my proper name when deakin with people I don't know well. Although my MIL insists on using it instead of my nickname which all of my family and friends use because apparently its not as nice. I don't mind though. I tend to give my nickname only to people I quite like and I don't like her at all.